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What prevents men from being successful with women? Well, the list goes
on and on... but one of the elements that TOPS the list is FEAR. FEAR is
also known - to women - as a lack of masculinity.
There are many different situations that make men feel fear, but I'd
like to talk about some of the most common ones... and what to do about
them.
First of all, I'd like you to be honest for a moment about this topic.
Do you ever feel FEAR when it comes to women and dating?
Have you ever seen a woman that you'd really like to meet, but you
started to feel fear and didn't do anything about it?
Or maybe you were on a date and you wanted to kiss a woman... but you
felt too afraid because you didn't want to make a mistake and screw up
your chances?
Or maybe you even got a woman's phone number, but you were too afraid to
call back because you didn't know how to start off the conversation or
ask her out?
Cummon, seriously...
Have you ever been sitting there with the phone in your hand, dialing a
woman's number, but you had to hang up because you were just too nervous
to even talk to her...?
Or out on a date with a woman, and you wanted to kiss her, but you got
so nervous at the thought that you just decided it would be better to
forget the whole idea and hope for the best...?
Me too. Many times, in fact. By the way, it's not exactly FUN to admit
that you're afraid of things. I'm sure you know that most guys would
rather admit in public that they were unsure about their sexual
orientation than that they were afraid of women.
Of course, this unwillingness to admit that you have a problem IN THE
FIRST PLACE only makes matters worse...and it is certainly notmasculine
or mature. If you don't admit that you have the problem, then it's hard
to get help and answers to it.
Well, the good news is that you're not alone. Almost every guy I've
known (including myself) has dealt with this issue MANY TIMES with
women.
So, STEP 1 is to GET OVER IT. Get over your need to deny that you're
afraid. Just admit that you're afraid, and come to grips with the fact
that you're human...
STEP 2 is to admit that you'd like to get this particular area of your
life handled.
STEP 3 is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Once you realize that it's not that big of a deal, then the improvement
can start. On the other hand, if you just stay in denial about it,
you'll probably just look for new tricks and techniques to use on
women... which, of course, won't lead to any REAL improvement.
By the way, if you've got more than the "average" amount of fear around
meeting women, you might want to take a minute and look at
THIS
(David Deangelo's Double Your Dating Program) before you read on.
I personally think that one of the biggest causes of fear when it comes
to situations with women is:
PUTTING TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE ON WHAT THE WOMAN THINKS OF YOU AND WHAT
HAPPENS IN THAT PARTICULAR SITUATION.
To put it in different words, most guys don't take action because
they're afraid that they'll screw up, or that the woman or others around
will judge them.
The REAL problem though is that this whole process has become AUTOMATIC,
and it happens INSTANTLY the moment most guys see a woman that they'd
like to meet. Before they even have a chance to think about the
situation rationally, they've become nervous, insecure, and upset.
I'm sure you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
As humans, we have these incredible minds and bodies, but sometimes they
get wired up in ways that aren't exactly useful for the situations that
we find ourselves in. Worse, sometimes our cultures, families, or peer
groups teach us ways of thinking that just aren't useful at all for what
we'd like to accomplish. Its like the
Alpha Males get neutered before they are even born.
Here's something that I realized a few years ago when I was learning for
myself how to be successful with women...
I thought about this idea that I was having this instant, automatic fear
in different situations with women, and that what I was really thinking
was "I don't want to screw this up" and "I don't want her to think that
I'm a dork"...
And all of a sudden something dawned on me:
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
It doesn't matter what happens, and it doesn't matter what she thinks of
me.
I realized that the fears I was experiencing were more from PROGRAMMING
than from reality.
So, I started to remind myself as often as possible that the fear wasn't
happening because there was any kind of danger... and that my objective
in a particular situation wasn't to have it turn out perfect, IT WAS TO
LEARN.
Think about the difference between doing something because it's
important vs. doing something in order to LEARN. So, for instance, if I
saw a woman that I wanted to meet... instead of thinking, "OK, I have to
say something charming and original so she'll like me... and if I screw
up I'm going to be embarrassed" - I began to think things like, "I'm
going to learn how to get a woman's phone number within a few minutes of
meeting her... and part of learning this is going to be trying a lot of
different things that probably aren't going to work... but in the end,
it's all going to even out because I'm going to have the SKILL that I
want."
See the difference?
Well, let me tell you, that change in attitude made a HUGE impact on my
success. I was willing to do and try things that I never would have
tried in the past for fear of screwing up...
All because I had the attitude of "I'm going to learn something from
this and improve my skills... and it doesn't matter what happens in THIS
PARTICULAR situation", I was able to improve very rapidly.
And the more I began to apply this idea, the more success I had in ALL
areas with women... from the first meeting, to getting them to go out
with me, to taking things to a physical level.
So do this:
Go out RIGHT NOW and start a conversation with a woman.
I don't care if she's attractive or not.
But instead of having the objective of getting a date, have the
objective of LEARNING SOMETHING.
In fact, if you REALLY want to improve fast, go spend a day starting
conversations with women, but make the commitment to NOT get any phone
numbers or dates all day.
In other words, no matter WHAT happens, you can't date any of the women
that you meet that day.
See if you can just learn how to do a few simple things like say, "Hi"
to every woman that walks by... how to maintain eye contact with women
until THEY look away... and how to end a conversation "too soon" so she
feels a natural vacuum and tries to keep it going herself...
That's one good idea for dealing with your fears.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
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Copyright 2008 David DeAngelo Marketing Inc. David DeAngelo and Double
Your Dating are trademarks.
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