David DeAngelo interviewed famous dating coach Carlos Xuma in
his Interviews With Dating Gurus. Carlos Xuma, who is the author of the
Secrets
of the Alpha Man program, shared some awesome ideas on how to approach women
with David DeAngelo in his interview, as well as how to start up conversations,
great dating tips on how to spark ATTRACTION in a woman the first time you meet
her… and a whole lot more.
The first dating tip that Carlos Xuma shared with David
DeAngelo is for men to love being
single! Too often, men settle for being in a relationship that is not really
what they want. Carlos Xuma told David DeAngelo that the reason so many men make this
dating mistake is because they do not LOVE being single. Carlos' solution is to
“do the work” so you literally LOVE being single. Decide what you want in life…
take concrete actions to develop yourself… and develop a life you love.
When you build yourself up from the inside… women can FEEL it. What men need to
do is to work on yourself so being single isn't such a scary thing. Single men
can do this by taking up some new hobbies and start taking care of you. Make it
a personal goal to be the best person you can be. Don't tolerate these mediocre
relationships and you won't believe how POWERFULLY this will improve the way
women see you.
Another great dating tip that Carlos Xuma shared with David DeAngelo is actually
taken directly from the martial arts. This bit of dating advice is called
Redirecting Opposition. One of the first things that most students are taught
when learning martial arts is how to block a punch. As the student advances,
however, he learns instead how to REDIRECT the punch so that it knocks your
opponent off balance.
So, let's say you're with a woman… things are getting “hot and heavy”… and then
she tells you, “You know, I'm not going to sleep with you tonight.” The rookie
move is to “block” by coming back with, “You won't sleep with me? Why not?” and
then trying to overcome her objections. Over course, this NEVER works.
Instead, Carlos says you need to be like a black belt… and not let her energy
affect you. Be totally OK with whatever she wants. Tell her, “That's cool. Let's
just chill out together for awhile…” But here's the kicker: By playing it cool
like this… and not “opposing” her… she'll trust you more… and she's likely to
warm up to your advances. And then…well…you take it from there!
The next great of dating tip that Carlos Xuma shared with David DeAngelo and
his listeners is how to conquer “Approach Anxiety”. We have all been there - you
see a woman you want to pick up, but you are too nervous to approach her or you
talk yourself out of it. Carlos shared a killer “fix” to this common challenge.
He says the reason so many guys have this “Approach Anxiety” is because they
don't feel IN CONTROL of how the conversation is going to go. If you don't know
where the conversation is headed and more importantly, how to exit gracefully at
any time it'll be hard for you to approach her and say ANYTHING AT ALL.
So what is the answer to this? Well, you've probably heard someone mention the
false "time constraint” technique for picking up women. It's a well-known
technique to strike up a conversation in a way that puts women at ease because
they know you’re not going to hang around, so they don’t feel threatened by it.
I believe David Deangelo even mentions it in Approaching Women.
The way it works is simple… you say something like, “You know, I only have a
minute, but I wanted to ask you ladies a question…” Carlos Xuma says this technique
is TWICE effective when you use it on YOURSELF. When you open with the time
constraint, remember that at any point, if the conversations goes south and
becomes flat or boring - you can pull the “rip cord” and exit smoothly by
referring back to the time constraint, “Listen, I just had a minute to talk to
you ladies… it's been a hoot… see ya.”
Another HUGE dating tip that Carlos gives us is the Walk Away. I LOVE this one
because it really goes a long way toward proving your high status and amplifying
attraction. If you're in a situation where you know you'll run into a woman
again, you don't HAVE TO ask for her number the very first time you talk to her.
Let's say you're at a coffee shop. You see a woman you'd like to meet so you go
over and talk to her…. and after about the ‘minute mark’ you simply say, “Cool,
I'm going to get back to my friends. See ya.” She'll do a double-take… thinking,
“Am I hallucinating... or did that guy NOT ask for my number? Did he just come
over to say hi?” She will pick up that you can take it or leave it, and the next
time you see her there - she will be not only attracted to you more, but not
wary of you and more receptive to another approach!
Now, if you like these dating tips, you can certainly get more at Carlos Xuma's
site - click here to check it out.
If you want to hear about Carlos Xuma and Body Language, be sure to visit my
section on Body Language.
