David Deangelo had the pleasure of
interviewing a guy who specializes in taking men out in the field and teaching
them how to approach REAL LIVE women. You may have heard the killer interview I
did with Lance from PickUp 101
a little while ago. This month I’m interviewing one of Lance’s TOP trainers.
His name is Sean Newman. He shared some amazing techniques for getting over
fear, meeting women in common places like malls and Laundromats, a simple
opening line that’ll work on almost ANY woman you will ever approach. Sean
Newman also shared a way to use your body language that’s GUARANTEED to make a
woman feel comfortable and open when you talk to her for the first time.
What I liked best about this particular
interview is how SPECIFIC Sean was in describing his strategies… He lays out
everything step by step, so that ANY guy can follow his 1-2-3 process and start
meeting more women IMMEDIATELY.
Here are just a few of the secrets he
shared…
Why Women Secretly Want You To Date A
LOT Of Different Women
Have you ever thought about the kind of
guy that an attractive, in-demand kind of woman wants to be with? It may
surprise you that when asked about a guy’s dating history… MOST of the really
attractive, intelligent, powerful women out there, who are ready to settle down
with a guy, will all say something like, “I want a guy who has gone through that
phase where he’s dated a lot of women, and has gotten to the point where he
knows what he wants in a woman.”
What you DON’T hear these women saying
is “I want a guy who has never been able to get a date to save his life. I want
a guy who’s a complete wuss who I can control.” There’s a bit of a “paradox”
here, because women don’t want a guy to go out and date a lot of other women…
obviously. But, they want a guy who ALREADY has.
Sean put this idea a little
differently. He says that a woman doesn’t WANT a guy to go out and date a lot
of women, but she NEEDS a guy to go out and date a lot of women.
Why? Because even women know that it’s
only through seeing what’s out there that a man can really decide for himself
what kind of woman he wants to spend his time with. In other words, different
women gives you PERSPECTIVE. It’s hard to have this perspective when you’re
whole dating life only consists of several long-term serious relationships, but
never the experience of dating a LOT of different women. Don’t get me wrong – I
think relationships are GREAT. But to be ready for a relationship, I believe
you need to have experience with a few different women FIRST. The more
experience you have, the more you’ll UNDERSTAND women… and what they need to
feel ATTRACTION.
And when you understand a woman like
this, in a way that other people don’t… and you understand her even more than
SHE understands HERSELF… she’ll see you as the exactly the kind of guy she’s
dreamed of meeting her whole life. THAT is when you’ll ROCK HER WORLD.
Use Your Body To Release Your Fear
One of the most interesting ideas Sean
shared was his advice on getting over the FEAR of approaching a woman. While
it’s true that fear is what I call an “Inner Game” issue…
It’s also true that when we feel fear,
we feel it not only in our HEADS… but in our BODIES. This is why it can be so
damn hard to THINK your way out of it. Fortunately, because it’s IN your body,
USING your body to get rid of it can be the most “direct” path to getting it
out. Like Sean said in the interview, you can’t CONVINCE yourself not to be
afraid by repeating to yourself, “I’m the coolest guy in the room… I’m the
coolest guy in the room.”
Your brain will recognize this as “B.S.”
… and simply won’t be convinced. The answer is to stop trying to THINK your way
out of the fear, and use your BODY instead. One simple, but powerful way to do
this is by LAUGHING. Laughter is one way your body releases stress and nervous
energy. Your body can’t hold nervousness if you’re laughing.
Think about it: Try to remember a time
when you were laughing and felt nervous at the same time. I don’t mean the
nervous laughter like when you’re on a date and a woman has just said something
that you know should be funny, but you don’t get the joke… so you laugh even
though you have no clue what she’s talking about.
I mean the kind of honest, deep down,
no-holds-barred laughter, where you tear up and milk shoots out your nostrils
like an erupting volcano. So watch Chris Rock right before the next time you go
out to meet women… you’ll feel definitely feel more relaxed and “in the mood” to
meet women. Sean also mentioned that listening to music you love and moving your
body a little bit is another way to release nervousness. So try putting on your
headphones for a second next time you get ready to chat up with a sexy woman at
Starbucks… The simple fact is that if your body is in a state that’s not
conducive to nervousness – if you’re relaxed, laughing, or rockin’ out to your
favorite song – the nervousness will go away. Releasing nervous energy like
this is a PHYSICAL skill. You have to practice it to learn it deep down in your
body.
Oh, there’s one more way to get rid of
nervousness that Sean shared that I just have to mention… He calls this his
“Starsky & Hutch Move.” Next time you see a woman you’d like to meet walking in
your direction, let her past right by you, wait 30 seconds or so… and then
SPRINT after her (we’re talking run through traffic, push people out of the way,
knock over the old lady on the sidewalk… it should look like a POLICE CHASE
straight out of – you guessed it- that 70’s T.V. show Starsky & Hutch.) It may
sound silly or outlandish, but by RUNNING you dissipate the nervous energy in
your body. You take all anxiety and turn it into adrenaline to power your legs
to sprint after her. Your body does the work of releasing the stress for you.
By the time you reach her, you’ll have virtually NO nervousness left. A bit
extreme? Perhaps. But have fun with it and judge it by the results YOU get.
Make A Woman’s “Chance Meeting Fantasy”
Come True
If you have a busy life, going out to
clubs until the wee hours of the morning and trying to meet 19-year-olds may not
be your thing. Sean agrees… that’s why he focuses a lot of the work he does on
teaching guys how to meet women during the DAY at normal everyday places. As
Sean says, the hottest spot isn’t some crazy club in the Mediterranean, Paris,
or New York… He says the best place in the world to find the most women is the
shoe section of Macy’s on a Sunday afternoon… or a Starbuck’s in an area of town
where a lot of attractive women live. In other words, the best place to meet
women is where they go during the course of their normal, day to day living. The
fact is, not every woman out there goes out to clubs. In fact, many of the
SEXIEST women get tired of getting groped by drunken dumb asses… and quit going
out to clubs AT ALL.
But EVERY attractive woman has to go out
in the day-time and buy a pair of shoes… or get a café latte at Starbucks… or
get bread and eggs at the grocery store… or go to the gym to stay looking so
hot. So when you go out to these places, not only are there plenty of attractive
women... but there’s also NO COMPETITION. Let’s say you’re at the gym, and you
see a cutie with headphones on. Do you think guys are hitting on her with those
headphones on? Probably not.
Sean says to walk up to her, point to
her headphones, and when she takes them off say something playful like, “Oh my
god you are so cute. Alright, you have to leave the gym right now, because I
can’t focus on my workout, and this distraction isn’t helping me at all. If you
want to be my personal trainer that’s another thing… maybe you can stand to the
side and give me some incentive… but I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”
She’ll crack up… because you’ve done
something fun for her…and you’ve done something no other man will do – flirt
with her in the DAY-TIME. The other factor that makes this sort of thing so
POWERFUL is that every woman wants to meet their “one true love” at an everyday,
random place… NOT at a bar or club. In fact, if you meet a woman at a bar,
she’ll usually make up a story of how the two of you meet randomly during the
day. Women fantasize about meeting a guy through a romantic “chance meeting” so
much that they’ll MAKE STUFF UP.
Women have been programmed to seek out
these fantasies by all those “chick flicks” where men and women meet in highly
improbable, yet romantic ways (think any movie with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan).
When a woman meets a man in a way that’s similar to these fantasies, it feels
more REAL to her… like it was SUPPOSED to happen… like FATE played a hand in it.
She doesn’t get this feeling when she meets you after having too many shots at
the local club. Several years ago, I met a woman online who became my
girlfriend for about a year and a half. She was a stunningly attractive woman,
and in fact went on to create a career around her looks. Well, how psyched do
you think she was to tell her friends and family, “Yeah, I (a very attractive,
successful, intelligent woman) was surfing for dudes on the Internet... and this
is the one I got”? Not so much.
She preferred saying that we met at a
coffee shop or bookstore or some other “regular” spot. My point here is that
women are DYING to meet men at normal, everyday places. It’s romantic to them…
it’s a scene right out of their favorite movie. Don’t deny them this pleasure.
Make a woman’s fantasy come true by approaching her in the daytime.
Learn One Killer Opening Line or Pick Up
Line
Walking up to a brand new woman, saying
something, and making her smile – it’s a huge high. But… most guys want it to
be perfect, and they’re terrified they’ll screw things up and everyone will know
that they failed. So it seems EASIER to experience lost opportunities than take
the chance of confirming the fact that you really have no idea what you’re doing
when it comes to meeting women. One thing Sean does to deal with this situation
is rely on an approach he created that he uses in almost any situation with a
woman… and he says it over and over and over again with a ton of the new women
he meets.
He goes up to a woman and says something
like, “Excuse me… I don’t mean to interrupt you… but I had to tell you… you are
unbelievably cute,” and then he’d wait for them to react. They almost always
smile because it’s genuine, sincere, and warm. He may follow that up with
something playful like, “Okay…this is the part where you tell me that I’m cute
also… I’m not sure if you’ve done this before, but this is called flirting.
I’ll take you step by step and I really think you’re going to enjoy this… you’re
doing good so far…” This is the kind of thing you can do every day of your
life, in ANY situation with a woman.
You’re at Starbucks and there’s a cute
girl in front of you in line. Tap her on the shoulder, and tell her exactly
what you’re thinking… if you think she’s cute, tell her you think she’s cute.
Odds are she’ll like it because attractive woman RARELY get approached in such a
direct and SINCERE way. If you have something to say in any situation with a
woman, that will give you confidence. And that confidence will help you relax,
and give off that cool-calm-and-collected vibe to the women you meet.
Here’s a killer exercise Sean shared
that you can use whenever you’re feeling nervous about approaching a woman. You
already know that using your BODY is the most “direct path” to getting rid of
nervousness, and the Approach Anxiety Destroyer is a great way to do this.
Here’s what Sean said to do: When you
feel anxiety about talking to a woman, start
walking and say to yourself quietly, but
out loud “Yeah” while you slowly nod your head up and down (like you do when
you’re listening to music you enjoy.) Keep repeating this to yourself in a slow
loop (“yeah… yeah… yeah…”). Then add 3 affirmations to the mix – “I feel like a
freakin’ goofball… yeah… yeah…” “Sean has no idea what the hell he’s talking
about… yeah… yeah…” “She’s going to think I’m functionally retarded… yeah…
yeah… yeah…”
By the end of that, you’re smiling,
enjoying yourself, and you’ve stated out loud your worst fears. You take that
loop going on in your brain, and you say it out loud and get it OUT. And by
getting those deep dark fears out, you’ll see that it doesn’t really matter and
that it’s all just fun anyways so you might as well enjoy it. That’s Sean’s way
to DESTROY “Approach Anxiety.” Try it for yourself. Just make sure no one sees
you!
Give Her “Psychological Space”
If you could step outside of yourself…
and see yourself as you talked to a woman… what would you see? The obvious thing
you’d notice right away is how much PHYSICALLY BIGGER you are than the woman
you’re chatting up (most of the time). That size difference can be INTIMIDATING
to a woman… especially if you’re “in her space” and facing her directly. Well,
you guessed it, Sean has a solution. When you walk up to a girl to talk to her,
stand SIDE BY SIDE with her instead of standing directly in front of her.
When you do this, you give a woman
“psychological space”, and it allows you to stand very close to her without
making her uncomfortable. If you’re side by side with a girl, you can be inches
away and she’ll still feel comfortable. You can even touch her on the shoulder
and she’ll like it… because you’re not intimidating her.
Try this side by side approach for
yourself… you’ll be BLOWN AWAY by how much more open women are to your
conversations. I hope you enjoyed this interview with Sean
as much as I did. If I were you, I’d listen to it a couple of times, write down
3 of your favorite ideas, and put them into action IMMEDIATELY. Do it right now…
before you get distracted by other stuff.
