Dealing With Tests from Women!
by David Deangelo
***DATING QUESTION FROM A READER***
Hi David,
I attended your dating advice seminar in LA and it was a real eye opener for me.
I've listened to the advanced CD series 2 times since then and each time I'm
learning something new. I've noticed that the trick is to go out and gain
experience meeting more women and then come back and listen to more tips on the
CDs again and you'll be surprised how much more you're picking up. After
attending your seminar I'm now able to start a conversation with a woman in a
bookshop and get her to follow me from there to another location to have
coffee\tea etc, and I'm now able to this on a CONSISTENT basis, something I
didn't think was possible before.
My question to you is regarding and Answering (or not answering) questions from
women. I now understand that if you directly answer 'qualifying' questions from
a single woman then you're accepting her qualifying frame, which is VERY bad for
attraction. But how about questions that seem like she's genuinely trying to get
to know you better? But I need some advice on how to handle it when a woman
says, "You never answer my questions..." and then goes on and on about it? I've
had this kind of situation many times, I know it's a sh**-test but I haven't
found an effective way of dealing with it yet.
For an example of this kind of test please read the chat below which is an
excerpt from an online chat I had recently. I met her online but we've spoken on
the phone several times, she lives in a different country from me so we haven't
been able to meet yet, but plan to do so soon. Not so much for this particular
girl but I would like to know how to deal with this kind of situation with any
single girls in future. Tell me what you think, and if I handled her questions
(and accusations) properly and what I could have done better. With thanks.
Your loyal student. G. (London, England)
>>>David Deangelo's COMMENTS:
Great job!
It's good hearing from you, "G". I remember you very clearly from the LA
seminar... and I remember the breakthrough you had. Congratulations on getting
to the next level. It's exciting to hear that you can now go out to a bookstore
and get a woman to join you for tea on the spot on a consistent basis. Nice!
On to your questions...
First of all, let's talk about the whole concept of "testing", and why women
do it (and, more importantly, how to deal with it when it happens).
In a nutshell, "testing" is a woman's way of QUICKLY finding out a lot of
information with a very small investment. You must remember that beautiful
single women are being approached ALL THE TIME
in one way or another... just about every man they meet tries to
pick them up or come on to them. Women can FEEL this happening, even
before it actually starts.
Now, if a woman is "available", she must figure out a way to "separate the
men from the boys" so to speak, and figure out if a single guy is going to be
worth her time.
Enter the TEST.
Also, if an attractive woman is out on a date with a man, or having a phone
conversation, etc. (or anything else that could be perceived as taking things
to the next level) she must find out quickly whether this particular guy is:
1. Long-term relationship material
2. Short-term "affair" material
3. Friend material
4. Wuss material
5. The Gimp from Pulp Fiction
Keep in mind, a beautiful woman has LOTS of options. She's being
approached probably 100+ times a month with
date offers, etc. and could never hope to spend even a small fraction of her
time with all the men who are interested in her. She must use TESTS to quickly
cut to the chase and find out what a particular guy is REALLY all about. Tests
can take many forms.
Here are a few common ones:
1. Canceling plans with little notice, or flaking out entirely without notice
2. Asking for gifts or favors outright
3. Acting snotty, demanding, dramatic, or manipulative to see if you'll put up
with it
4. Asking or telling you to change your behavior
5. Threatening to leave or take her attention and give it to someone else if you
don't comply with her wishes
...and the list goes on. As you already know, women often use more SUBTLE tests
as well. For instance, complaining that you don't answer her directly, to see
if you will. Or telling you that what you're doing is annoying to her.
In your email, you wrote...
"But how about questions that seem like she's genuinely trying to get to know
you better? Also how do handle it when a woman says, "You never answer my
questions..." and then goes on and on about it? I've had this kind of situation
many times, I know it's a sh**-test but I haven't found an effective way of
dealing with it yet."
...well, the good news for you is that you know a guy who has had this happen
A LOT more times to him... and that person is ME! And the "effective" way to
deal with it is to keep doing exactly what you're doing. The "problem" here is
how you're interpreting the situation.
My guess is that all of the problems you're having around this issue come
from the fact that you "see" it as a problem... not because there actually IS a
problem. Here's a little chunk of the dialogue that you included with your
email...
Her: I really love fooling around and chatting around.... but I don't like it if
I never get answers to just normal not indiscreet questions. Me: Indiscreet...
hmmm. Ask whatever questions you want. Me: you'll get to know me as it goes.
Her: I already did.... and I don't have a list to write that down.... I just
noticed that... last time when you called me on the phone... and today,
too...... every time I ask something about your past I get a slapstick answer
Me: don't mind me that's how I talk. I'm playful but we'll get to know each
other as we go along. Me: it's a natural process. Me: you can't force it
...OK.
The way I read this, you GAVE IN when she started complaining and said,
"...don't mind me that's how I talk...". You basically said, "Don't mind me,
I'm actually kind of a Wuss, and that's how I talk". Are you with me here? You
didn't need to EXPLAIN yourself, or make an excuse for yourself.
What I'm trying to say is that YOU are the problem here, not the women who
complain about you not answering their questions. Try this instead:
Her: I already did.... and I don't have a list to write that down.... I just
noticed that... last
time when you called me on the phone... and today, too...... every time I ask
something about your past I get a slapstick answer
Me: I'm glad you like it. Maybe that's why you keep messaging me and thinking
about me so much!
...see the difference here?
If a woman complains because you're being difficult, LAUGH. Pretend you're a
bad little boy on the school playground, and you just pulled her hair... and
she's upset with you... What would the little boy do? He'd laugh... and then
snap her bra! Keep things fun. Don't let her change your direction or upset
your mood.
There's ALWAYS a better way to do things.
For example...
Let's say you've decided that the woman you're talking to is really starting
to get annoyed, and you want to give her a little chunk of info. Instead of
saying, "Don't mind me", say, "OK, I'm a single guy, 27 years old, I work for an
accounting firm, I pay my own rent, I wear socks that match, and I love my
mom... is that better? How boring is that?"
In other words, TELL HER what she wants to know, but say it in a sarcastic
way that also says "Fine, you're boring and since you can't think of anything
fun to talk about, I'll answer you...Brat".
Keep in mind... this whole style of communication is VERY different from what
most
guys do... and it's often surprising to a woman. When she kicks and screams a
bit, it's usually because she's genuinely surprised. But don't mistake her
whining for REAL resistance.
If she actually gets upset and doesn't want to talk to you anymore just
because you didn't answer her questions, and instead busted her balls a bit,
then let her go. You learned something VERY valuable, and you didn't even have
to marry her to learn it.
Also, when a woman starts resisting your evasive and humorous comments...
...LAUGH!
Have fun.
You need to learn to enjoy yourself during this process. It sounds to me like
you're letting this stuff get to you... which is NOT useful. By the way...
there was something you said to this girl that I absolutely LOVED...
Her: are you dating somebody right now? [deleted comment that was out of sync]
Me: is this a marriage proposal... you've got to be rich though ...this is
great!
She asks if you're dating someone, and you ask her if she's proposing! And
then you said "You've got to be rich, though". Now THAT'S the right way to
answer a question
like that one. Nice!
To finish, I'm going to do something a little bit unconventional, and include
another email that I just received from a guy in Australia (He has the same
first initial as you... I wonder if there's a relation...).
Read this:
"You ROCK, since I am new to your publication I am unsure if you get much mail
from Australia.
What a difference a week makes. Last Saturday I had a date with a great young
lady. Smart, sexy, beautiful etc. Well the 1st date didn't go to badly, some
passionate kissing and fun, but when it came time to try to take her top off,
the answer was a firm NO. That is where the night ended. Mustn't have been too
bad cause I got a follow up date the next Friday, but I also got the cold(ish)
shoulder. What she didn't know is I got your
book on Wednesday. Wow, what a difference. I realized she was
lining me up for the hoop jumping as a potential "long term relationship" and
sex was at least three dates away-way too far.
She was playing games, but your book came to the rescue. When i phoned her to
make the date, she said "I will PENCIL you in". Well in my old ways I would have
said "Yeah sure", but there is a new Greg with Double Your Dating Power. When
she tried the line I came back with "Well let me know. I am a busy man, if you
can't make it, I need to know-NOW."
When I picked her up, she kissed me on the cheek (after playing tonsil hockey
the week before, was a little strange). So I put your strategies into play. I
didn't touch her for 4 hours, didn't hit on her, didn't look at her, was very
standoffish. Went out of my way to point out her strange behavior. At one stage
I called her "A walking contradiction". When she went down the "But it will
change our friendship if we take this further (read long term relationship)
path-I said "That's fine, I just want to have a little FUN."
When I finally did kiss her she melted. Only for me to stop after about 45
seconds. I then didn't touch her again for about 1/2 an hour. She finally took
her own top off (I couldn't budge it 6 days before) and then she said "I will
make you a deal, if I take a piece of clothing off, then you must take one off
as well. She was chasing me!!!!
Well we undresses and had a great time for about three hours. Afterwards, she
invited me out! Love your stuff. Must go and re-read your wonderful words again.
I can't wait to get the DVD's.
Regards, G.
PS So if any of you want to come over here, know it works and works really well.
And there are plenty of great looking women. G."
>>>David Deangelo's COMMENTS:
...OK, so I included this story because I wanted to demonstrate a different
aspect of
testing, and of "passing" this kind of testing with FLYING colors. Often, a
woman will test you by RESISTING you, or by telling you that "things are moving
too fast" or even by asking you what your intentions are with her long term
(when you've only known her
a short while, and have no intentions of any kind).
What this gentleman above did was to SEE her bet, and then RAISE her. He
called her bluff, basically.
WOMEN LOVE THIS!
It INSTANTLY shifts the power from one side to the other, and totally changes
the situation around.
Points I'd like to comment on:
1) The first time you saw her, you kissed. When you tried to take off her top,
the answer was a "firm NO".
>>>The reason why the answer was a "firm NO" was because you gave her something
to resist. Instead of amplifying the ATTRACTION in the situation, and building
the ANTICIPATION, you just went for it. Next time, you'll know better.
2) The second time you saw her, you didn't do anything that even LIGHTLY
indicated that you were interested in her.
>>>Great job! This is perfect. Most guys can't go four MINUTES without screwing
things up by trying to kiss a woman, asking her how she's feeling, trying to
make a girl smile, or doing some other Wuss Bag thing that blows everything. You
were able to stay cool and calm for FOUR HOURS... and allow the tension to
build. I guarantee you that she was wondering what the hell was going on.
3) When you finally did kiss her, you STOPPED after 45 seconds... then didn't do
anything else for a half hour.
>>>Again, great move. Perfect. It doesn't surprise me at ALL that she took her
own top off, then told you that you had to take something off as well. This is
what happens when you understand the process by which women test... and the
process by which women become sexually aroused.
...thanks for the email.
Now, in this newsletter I've focused on the topic of TESTING. I've also
discussed amplifying attraction, and eliminating resistance from women. The
reason that these two guys who wrote in are doing so well right now is because
they understand something that most guys DON'T understand.
They "get it".
And, like most of the people I've met in life who are trying to be the best
they can be, they're always looking to improve. They're continuing to educate
themselves, even though they have a level of success that most men would envy.
It took me about three or four YEARS to finally "get it", and to have total
confidence that I could go out anywhere, anytime, and meet women. That was
partly because I couldn't find any good models to learn from... and partly
because I had to "unlearn" a lot of bad programming I had obtained along the
way.
The reason I wrote my original eBook "Double Your Dating" was because I wanted to be able to help
other guys out there to understand how to be successful with women and dating...
without having to go through all the hassles and wasted time that I had to deal
with.
You can download my online eBook and be reading it within a few minutes
CLICK HERE. You can also sign up for my free newsletters,
dating articles and dating tips.
This is what that page will look like:
I'll talk to you again soon!
Your Friend,
David D.
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