This month I had the pleasure of interviewing a gentleman named Scot McKay.
In the interview, Scot McKay shared great dating tips for guys that any guy can use…such as how to come across as a more MASCULINE man, how to approach women without fear… and an absolutely KILLER first “date” strategy to not only bring a woman back to your place in a smooth, effortless way… but virtually guarantee things will get “hot and heavy” before the night’s through…
And that’s not all. Here are a few more of the killer tips he shared…
1. Deserve The Best
Scot McKay shared some true Inner Game gems… and one of them was the idea that if you want to have a tremendous level of success with women and dating, you have to become the kind of guy who DESERVES that level of success.
Ask yourself, “What’s it going to take to DESERVE the kind of woman I really want?”
That simple – but powerful – idea means you never feel “lucky” that you’ve landed a particular woman. When you deserve the woman you want, there’s no “luck” to you getting her. You attracted her because you became the guy who DESERVES her.
A mentor of mine once told me that if you don’t feel you deserve to get something, you’ll push away the very thing you want.
In terms of dating women, if attracted to a woman but deep down inside you don’t feel you deserve her, you’ll unconsciously push her away… by acting clingy, needy, nervous, unnatural and “stilted”, and a host of other behaviors that’ll make her want to RUN away from you.
When you have a hole like this in your inner game, it’s next to impossible to cover it up.
She’ll see it, and she’ll leave. Trust me.
Figure out the kind of woman you want, and then see if there are any areas of your life you need to work on so that you feel that you DESERVE to get her.
As you know, I’m not talking here about making more money… I’m talking about things like having more integrity, being more authentic, becoming a more interesting guy, broadening your sphere of influence, and all around becoming a more mature and developed man.
Do these things for YOURSELF… and women will notice. Check out the program Scot McKay made about this – called Deserve What You Want.
2. Beef Up Your Masculinity
Scot McKay says that one of the most important factors in succeeding with women is being a masculine guy.
Unfortunately, a lot of us guys live in cultures that have been “feminized” and that have brainwashed us with the message that everything masculine is bad… that men are jerks and jerks are bad… etc.
Many guys buy into this… and it paralyzes them when it comes to women.
Also, a lot of guys in recent years have been raised mostly by their moms who taught them to be “nice”. So they grow up with the unconscious belief that natural, male behavior is something they shouldn’t show.
So there’s the problem, according to Scot McKay – women are attracted to masculine behavior, but we’re trained that masculine behavior is bad… and then we wonder why we can’t attract women…
In the words of my good friend Richard, we’re “all hosed up”… unless we do something about it. The first thing that we need to do is get a handle on what it means to be masculine. Many guys have a warped view of this, and confuse it with being a jerk… or puffing out their chest and trying to act tough or “cool”.
Or instead of pulling out a chair for a woman graciously, they think being masculine means telling the woman, “You sit here,” and they miss the nuance completely. There are plenty of ways to be masculine without looking like a moron or being a jerk, and Scot McKay shared a couple that I recommend you use…
He said that a lot of guys confuse being chivalrous with kissing up to a woman…
If the reason you’re being chivalrous is to win her approval, then yes you are kissing up and you need to stop that immediately. But you can be chivalrous not because you want to impress her, but because you’re simply expressing the masculine side of you that likes to LEAD. WOMEN LOVE THAT!
For example, when Scot McKay pulls a chair out for a woman he pats the back of it and says, “Here’s your seat.”
He’s LEADING. He’s not coming from a place of “Oh, you’re so beautiful, let me serve you.” There’s a BIG difference.
When he has a woman in his car he doesn’t say, “Wow, you’re really pretty and I just want to serve you. What’s your favorite restaurant? Can I take you there?” No. Instead he says “Hey look, I’ve got this evening handled for you.”
And… surprise, surprise… women LOVE IT.
I believe one of the symbols of being a mature, masculine man is becoming a PROTECTOR of those who need protection. Not a jack-ass trying to start fights or acting like a macho punk – a PROTECTOR when a woman needs PROTECTION.
Scot McKay explains that it’s not that you’re a protector because you’re insecure and you’re trying to pretend that you’re confident and a leader, but it’s because that a man protecting is part of your natural role with your family, loved ones, etc.
Scot McKay also suggests that you develop some masculine pastimes and hobbies.
So instead of attending your quiche-baking class this week, try getting in a good workout or playing some sports with your friends.
You might actually enjoy it…
3. Approach Women Confidently
Most guys want to be able to approach an attractive woman confidently. But by the time they get up the nerve to approach at all, they are usually so nervous that they come across as “creepy” or weird.
Scot McKay shared a fantastic story that suggests a solution to this universal problem…
He was in a department store once when he saw a woman who was a friend of his then-girlfriend…
This friend was very attractive.
He felt obliged to say hi to her, so he walked up, touched her lightly on the shoulder, and said “Hey, how’s it going?”
She turned around, and with a big smile said, “Oh, hey, how are you doing?”
Scot obviously had no interest in this woman – she was a good friend of his girlfriend… she was even married…
But as they talked, he could see that she was beginning to invade his 18 inches of space. She got closer and closer, and she gave those classic signals that communicate she had more than just friendly interest in Scot.
It was ON.
He was just being friendly, but the situation was heating up a little more than he was comfortable with. He decided to be the bigger man and bail… so he told her it was nice seeing her and that he’d tell his girlfriend that she said hi.
The woman looked at Scot McKay, puzzled, and said, “What are you talking about?”
Now Scot McKay was the one who was puzzled. He said, “Aren’t you Jennifer?”
She said, “Umm… no.”
That’s when Scot McKay realized this woman WASN’T his girlfriend’s friend.
And that’s when he had his “a-ha” realization…
Here was a very attractive woman who he had never met before, who was 5 inches taller than Scot… and he wasn’t dressed up at all or even in the mindset of meeting women… and yet she was DEFINITLEY interested in him.
And that was the secret…
Because he wasn’t trying to pick her up, he had no fear of walking up, tapping her on the shoulder, and starting a normal, relaxed conversation.
He was perfectly confident because he didn’t see it as a pick-up situation.
That’s what attracted this woman so powerfully.
Work on seeing these situations not as you trying to pick up a woman… but as just casual and natural interactions between two adults.
And here’s one other thing to remember –
When you first start talking to a woman you’ve never met before, there can sometimes be a few moments of discomfort…
When I first noticed this with a woman I was talking to, I thought it was a signal that the woman wasn’t interested in me…but then as I thought about it… I began to realize something important…
The reality is that there’s a difference between a woman giving you the “I don’t want to talk to you, please leave now,” and a woman thinking “I’m just a little shy and nervous and I’m a bit startled that there’s a guy talking to me.”
The key is to just KEEP ROLLING. Don’t turn into a scared little wussy boy and walk away. Keep on talking, and both of you will start to feel comfortable before you know it.
By just rolling with it, you’ll demonstrate that you’re a masculine guy who’s comfortable in his own skin… and that alone will make it much more likely that she’ll warm up to you.
4. Use Shorter Than Average Height To Your Advantage
A lot of guys who are shorter than average height let that stop them from having the success with women they want.
Whether it’s height… or age… or lack of wealth… or whatever… it’s easy for some men to use these facts as an EXCUSE for not going out there and really doing what it takes to have phenomenal success with women.
And when it comes to height, there’s a lot of pressure on guys to be tall. Not just average, but TALL.
Family members say, “Eat all your veggies so you grow up nice and tall.”
Years later, you go online and you find that many women in their profiles say, “You must be at least 6 feet tall.”
But the fact is, there are plenty of guys who are shorter than average who have PLENTY of quality women in their lives.
For example… take Scot McKay.
He’s 5’ 6” but attracts more women than most tall guys you know (trust me).
And get this:
SEVERAL of the women he’s dated have said in the past that they would never date a guy under 6 foot tall!
Here’s the point:
Women will date shorter guys if you’re confident, interesting, mature, and masculine… whether they are taller than you or not.
Scot McKay shared some interesting thoughts on the psychology of shorter women…
The fact is that many women are just as self-conscious about their height as men are.
The average woman in the U.S. is 5’ 5”… yet open any woman’s fashion magazine, or watch most any T.V. commercial, and you’ll see women who are 5’ 10”… or even taller.
There’s a lot of pressure for women to live up to this standard… that’s why you see shorter women wearing 3 inch heels even if they’re just out on a Saturday afternoon grocery shopping.
But when a shorter than average woman is with a shorter than average guy, often she loves it – she can relax and let go of her self-consciousness about her height because she’s dealing with a man who’s in the same boat.
She doesn’t have to pretend to be someone she’s not.
That’s a real advantage shorter guys have over taller guys when dealing with a shorter than average woman.
And here’s one other nugget Scot McKay shared on the topic of shorter women…
Have you ever seen a short woman and a tall guy hug?
She has to stand on her toes… and he has to bend down in an awkward way that’s begging for a trip to the chiropractor.
Here’s how to use this to your advantage:
If you’re with a shorter woman, give her a nice long hug, and as you let go tell her, “Wow, it’s like we fit.”
This one statement – Scot McKay calls it the “puzzle piece factor” –has just the right sexual overtones, and calls attention to the fact that here’s something that a shorter than average guy can give you that a taller guy can NEVER do.
Talk about a golden nugget…
5. On Younger Women
Many men who are between 35 and 55 years old think that the ultimate prize is to end up with a woman who is in her twenties.
Most guys want younger women like this because they get caught up in going after eye-candy.
Don’t get me wrong… attractive, young women are great…but if you’re not careful you’ll get distracted by the “wrapping” and you’ll be very disappointed when you go deeper.
Once you date younger women, you’ll find that many times it’s a lot more like baby-sitting than you imagined – it can be hard to relate, they’re often immature, have less life experience and different goals than you.
You may want to enjoy some good food and wine at home…and she may want to stay out until 3 am dancing at clubs.
Or who knows… she may WORK as a dancer in a club…(which is, of course, a whole ‘nother level of “head case”…)
Instead of being sucked into the image of a younger woman, Scot McKay suggests you may be better off dating a woman closer to your own age… but who’s young on the INSIDE – a woman who has a zest for life and a sense of adventure… and yet has a great job, a good credit score, and who you can actually relate to.
Try it out.
He says first, you need to stop putting too much emphasis on looks.
Yes, we all want an attractive woman… but just because a woman is attractive doesn’t mean she’s QUALITY.
In fact, a lot of women who are good looking have been spoiled and ruined by their looks. Seriously.
Because they get preferential treatment they learn that they can be selfish, demanding, and immature… but that it’s “okay” because guys will still give them what they want just because of their “beauty power”.
Obviously, this isn’t the kind of QUALITY woman a mature man like you or I want.
You’ve heard it before… but if we’re talking quality here, you know that you need to be looking for traits other than beauty… like intelligence, character, confidence, charm, trustworthiness, kindness, etc.
A key is to stop asking yourself what kind of woman you would want to sleep with for a night, but what kind of woman would you want to spend a lot of time with.
Looks are great… but to attract a quality woman inside AND out, you need to look past her beauty and into the person she is on the inside.
Scot McKay also says that a lot of guys get sucked into looking for a woman that everyone ELSE would be impressed by.
You may see a guy with an exceptionally beautiful woman and think he’s got it made… but what you don’t see is how much of a controlling bitch she may be every minute of the day when they’re home alone.
Obviously, if everyone else is really impressed by her, but you’re not, then you’ve made a big mistake of who you chose.
Come to terms with the fact that what really turns you on and satisfies you may not be the 5’ 10” Barbie doll that most guys ogle. Maybe you like bigger women… or breast size isn’t important to you… or you like a certain race… or whatever.
YOU have to be impressed on YOUR terms.
Get comfortable with what you like… then go out and get it.
7. Make Cooking Your Secret Weapon
Scot McKay agrees with me here, and he shared some interesting thoughts of his own.
First of all, if you can cook you should throw it in your online profile.
In Scot McKay’s profile he says, “I’m an outstanding cook, and if you think you are also, how about an iron chef battle in my kitchen?”
MANY women have emailed him and have taken him up on his offer.
And if a woman says on her own profile that she likes to cook, Scot McKay will say “You say you know how to cook, so let’s prove it over at my house.”
Again, many women will respond to this.
If you’re going to cook for a woman, don’t worry about cooking up some fancy, complicated dish. There are plenty of fool-proof recipes you can find online.
Ask her if she’s allergic to any food, use fresh ingredients, and you’ll probably knock her socks off.
Plus, she’s in your house… which is a much more comfortable and intimate environment than being out on the town somewhere.
After you finish eating, Scot McKay says most women are expecting – and half dreading – that you’re going to put your paws all over her.
That’s when Scot McKay suggests you do something TOTALLY unexpected… and something that’ll dial up the attraction big time…
You do the DISHES.
And Scot McKay says it works like MAGIC.
Here’s how it works –
When you finish eating, tell her it’s time that the two of you do the dishes. If she looks at you funny, give her a look of total confidence and tell her in a playful way that it’s her turn to do her part.
You rinse off the dishes and have her dry them or put them in the dishwasher.
Think about it:
You’re standing side by side… brushing against each other…she’s expecting you to make a move on her… but you’re NOT.
This will drive her CRAZY.
Then the flirting starts.
After a few minute say something like, “If you don’t start behaving yourself, I’m going to have to splash you.”
Once the splashing starts, kissing will be almost automatic…
I hope you enjoyed this interview with Scot McKay as much as I did…
he shared some real gems.
If you haven’t already, listen to it several times, write down 3 of your favorite ideas, and put them into action IMMEDIATELY.
I’ll talk to you again soon.