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How to Get a
Girlfriend - Seven Tips You Can Use Now by Carlos Xuma
So there I was... I was standing up there in front of a crowd of eager guys
presenting a seminar on how to attract women and how to get a girlfriend, and a
strange urge overtook me... I wanted to ask them a question that just didn't
seem "politically correct" to ask a bunch of aspiring "pickup artists." I kept
thinking to myself: Should I...?
And then I did.
I asked the almost unthinkable question to a group of pickup artists... I asked:
"How many of you want a single, steady girlfriend? Just one. Raise your
hands..." And then I held my breath as if I'd just yelled out a cuss word in
church. Then - to my amazement - about 90% of the crowd raised their hands.
And they raised them EAGERLY.
Since that day - over 3 years ago - I've been asking guys this question in
almost all my seminars, and the results are always the same. Most of the guys
learning the skills of pickup are just learning them to find ONE good woman. So
why do guys work to learn how to be a "pickup artist" and learn all these
seduction techniques, when what they really want is just to get a girlfriend?
I believe it's because men have a basic need, and it's illogical, but it is
hard-wired in us. It's the need to sexually CONQUER. We want to have the thrill
of the victory, overcoming the challenge, and then having our egos boosted with
the validation of sexual POWER.
In many ways, there's nothing more addictive to the male mind. This is what
makes us men. And there's also nothing wrong with it, so don't feel guilty. I
was talking to a friend of mine, Jeff, at a cocktail party the other night, and
he was discussing his experience of getting good with women, having a lot of
women to date, and how he wasn't very happy "dating around." Yes, I know, sounds
crazy, but it's true with almost every guy I meet. Once you get to where you're
no longer so obsessed with getting laid and meeting women, you start to realize
that what you really want - what would REALLY satisfy you more than anything
else is just to find ONE good catch. Once you've stopped begging, you can then
start to become the chooser.
So you want to know how to get a girlfriend? Okay, here are my... Seven
IMPORTANT Steps to Get a Girlfriend:
GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 1) Do not set out to find a girlfriend! If your priority is
solely to get your itch scratched (sexually speaking), you're going to find that
you'll scare off a LOT of people. Your GOAL is not to get a girlfriend, even
though you think it is. Your goal is not the END, it's simply the NEXT STEP in
the process. Your goal is to improve your social network - which is like
creating a nice strong safety net. It lowers your loneliness quotient, and it
increases your ability to find a good woman in the long run. A good investigator
doesn't look directly for the criminal. They look for the indicators and
evidence that leads them to their most wanted.
GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 2) Adopt the attitude of the Interviewer... QUALIFICATION,
Qualification, qualification. It's all about qualification, my friend. The only
way you can maintain a strong and confident attitude out there is to be the
chooser - not the chosen. Think about the difference in these two people: The
Interviewer and the Interviewee. Between being the guy going in and kissing ass
and selling yourself to the company to get a job, and being the guy who chooses
from them. If you've ever done the interviewing, you know what it's like. You
feel like THE MAN with all the power. It's kind of a rush. Well, the difference
in mindset between the guy that goes out trying to get women interested in him
and the guy that goes out to see if any women can impress him is like NIGHT and
DAY.
GET A GIRLFRIEND
TIP 3) Become a Social Strategist... Network the hell out of your life. You
need to really sit down and think about who you know, and who they know. And
then start getting on their social calendars, one at a time. Here's a technique
that works like a champ. (It's something I'm going to be talking more about in
my upcoming program coming in a few months.) First, just connect with everyone
in your network of friends. Get together with them, have a drink or a lunch, and
just reconnect. Make it a point to develop more of a rapport-connection with
them, and then get them to think about you whenever they're holding a party or
going to a party. Say something like: "Hey, this has been great catching up with
you, John. By the way, I'm on this kick lately of just going out and
socializing, and making sure all my friends have fun. So if you have any parties
or social gatherings, drop me a line if you think it would be fun." Give him
your email, give him your cell phone and give him your facebook address. Better
yet, have a card made up with JUST this information on it and your first name.
Ba-da-bing. You're now in his loop of social networking. From there, you just
bust it out to the next level by making friends with people at every gathering
you attend.
GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 4) Multiple Streams of Female Income This is one of the
core strategies of my method, and that is that you cannot afford to rely on any
ONE method of meeting women. Mostly because if you fail to get that one method
to work for you the way you want it to, you'll get blown out of the game, and
you're socially dead in the water. AND your attitude will suffer along with your
success. Dating is EXACTLY like owning stocks - you never put all your eggs in
ONE basket. Back when the dot-com bust happened in 2001-2002, all the people who
were heavily invested in technology stocks took a serious bath. Universal rule:
Diversify! Spread your risk over a few good methods and you won't get burned. (I
just watched "Wall Street" again the other day, can you tell?) Don't go too
nuts, because you won't get good at any of them if you do too many, but just
pick your top 5 - and then work them like dogs. That's how to get a girlfriend -
and FAST.
My top picks?
- Speed dating
- Online dating
- Social networking
- Parties and social events
- Daytime approach
GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 5) Know what kind of a woman you really want. You have to
know the exact qualities you're looking for in order to choose a good woman.
There are many traits you need to create a good relationship with her -
especially if you want to keep her. One thing you'll see that most pickup
artists DO NOT have is the ability to keep a relationship going. They can pickup
a woman in a bar, but if you ask them how to get a girlfriend - one that lasts -
they'll just tell you to go take another class. I've been in relationships that
lasted from 30 minutes to 5 years, so I do know how to keep a good woman around.
First and foremost is to know WHAT you want, and sometimes that means...
GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 6) Date ENOUGH women to know what you really want. A lot of
guys don't date enough women to figure out the qualities that they really want.
In fact, I've never met a guy who dated a lot of women, and then said that he
still wants the same things in a woman that he wanted when he first started.
After dating a bunch of women, you start to realize that many of the things you
THOUGHT you wanted weren't as important as you thought. And you discover all-new
things you really do need. The big mistake most people (men and women) make is
to be in a hurry to get into a relationship because they can't stand dating.
It's so painful for these guys to be single that they fall into the first
relationship that comes along. And so they never develop dating skills, they
just hope to find someone good before the bad women find them first. But this is
a lot like taking the first job you can get, just to get a job - even though
you're not sure you're going to like it. Sure, you may have employment, but
you'll just be miserable if you don't make a good choice. And eventually you'll
either be fired or quit. The same is DOUBLY true for women. Choose poorly and
you're going to be a hell of a lot more miserable IN a relationship than out of
one. Remember my universal rule: You're better off alone than with the wrong
woman. A woman has only one role in my life: To make me happier than I was
without her. If she isn't doing that, she isn't what I want in a girlfriend. And
neither do you! And here's the last rule that will guarantee you'll get a
girlfriend in no time flat - IF you just use it. If you want to know how to get
a girlfriend - and how I've done it in my life without having to resort to
mail-order brides, it's simply this:
GET A GIRLFRIEND
TIP 7) Get out there and meet as many people as you possibly can. I've moved
around the country and I've started my life over again 3 times. I moved from
upstate New York, to Washington, DC, to Kansas City, to San Francisco. Each time
I had to make all new friends. I learned something that has made all the
difference between being lonely and being socially prosperous, and that's this:
If you meet a bunch of people... some you will never see again.
Some you will turn into acquaintances.
Some you will turn into friends.
Some you will do business with.
Some you will turn into girlfriends.
But the more people you meet, the more you get of every kind. It's a statistical
and social CERTAINTY. Just like the "Sales Funnel," where you put a hundred
people in at the top, and only a few come out the bottom as buyers, so it is in
your social life. It's the most obvious law of numbers there is, and it simply
demands that you just get off your ass right now and go meet some new people.
And here's the amazing thing - it doesn't matter HOW you meet them! Nor does it
matter WHO you meet. You can meet old women who will set you up with their
daughters or even their grand-daughters. You'll meet women who introduce you to
their cool guy friends, who will then introduce you to an ex-girlfriend or a
cousin or a sister's best friends' nanny, who could be your next girlfriend.
You simply DO NOT KNOW how you will get your next girlfriend. If you want to
know my advice on how to get a girlfriend, that's it. Pure and simple. Treat it
like a life-puzzle that you have to figure out. If you can just meet a few
people each week, your life will be filled with an abundance that will ASTONISH
you.
It will amaze you. I guarantee it...
- Carlos Xuma
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