Secrets of Meeting Women Anywhere
Sean Newman from PickUp 101
David Deangelo had the pleasure of interviewing a guy who specializes in taking men out in the field and teaching them how to approach REAL LIVE women. You may have heard the killer interview I did with Lance from PickUp 101 a little while ago. This month I’m interviewing one of Lance’s TOP trainers. His name is Sean Newman. He shared some amazing techniques for getting over fear, meeting women in common places like malls and Laundromats, a simple opening line that’ll work on almost ANY woman you will ever approach. Sean Newman also shared a way to use your body language that’s GUARANTEED to make a woman feel comfortable and open when you talk to her for the first time.
What I liked best about this particular interview is how SPECIFIC Sean was in describing his strategies… He lays out everything step by step, so that ANY guy can follow his 1-2-3 process and start meeting more women IMMEDIATELY.
Here are just a few of the secrets he shared…
Why Women Secretly Want You To Date A LOT Of Different Women
Have you ever thought about the kind of guy that an attractive, in-demand kind of woman wants to be with? It may surprise you that when asked about a guy’s dating history… MOST of the really attractive, intelligent, powerful women out there, who are ready to settle down with a guy, will all say something like, “I want a guy who has gone through that phase where he’s dated a lot of women, and has gotten to the point where he knows what he wants in a woman.”
What you DON’T hear these women saying is “I want a guy who has never been able to get a date to save his life. I want a guy who’s a complete wuss who I can control.” There’s a bit of a “paradox” here, because women don’t want a guy to go out and date a lot of other women… obviously. But, they want a guy who ALREADY has.
Sean put this idea a little differently. He says that a woman doesn’t WANT a guy to go out and date a lot of women, but she NEEDS a guy to go out and date a lot of women.
Why? Because even women know that it’s only through seeing what’s out there that a man can really decide for himself what kind of woman he wants to spend his time with. In other words, different women gives you PERSPECTIVE. It’s hard to have this perspective when you’re whole dating life only consists of several long-term serious relationships, but never the experience of dating a LOT of different women. Don’t get me wrong – I think relationships are GREAT. But to be ready for a relationship, I believe you need to have experience with a few different women FIRST. The more experience you have, the more you’ll UNDERSTAND women… and what they need to feel ATTRACTION.
And when you understand a woman like this, in a way that other people don’t… and you understand her even more than SHE understands HERSELF… she’ll see you as the exactly the kind of guy she’s dreamed of meeting her whole life. THAT is when you’ll ROCK HER WORLD.
Use Your Body To Release Your Fear
One of the most interesting ideas Sean shared was his advice on getting over the FEAR of approaching a woman. While it’s true that fear is what I call an “Inner Game” issue…
It’s also true that when we feel fear, we feel it not only in our HEADS… but in our BODIES. This is why it can be so damn hard to THINK your way out of it. Fortunately, because it’s IN your body, USING your body to get rid of it can be the most “direct” path to getting it out. Like Sean said in the interview, you can’t CONVINCE yourself not to be afraid by repeating to yourself, “I’m the coolest guy in the room… I’m the coolest guy in the room.”
Your brain will recognize this as “B.S.” … and simply won’t be convinced. The answer is to stop trying to THINK your way out of the fear, and use your BODY instead. One simple, but powerful way to do this is by LAUGHING. Laughter is one way your body releases stress and nervous energy. Your body can’t hold nervousness if you’re laughing.
Think about it: Try to remember a time when you were laughing and felt nervous at the same time. I don’t mean the nervous laughter like when you’re on a date and a woman has just said something that you know should be funny, but you don’t get the joke… so you laugh even though you have no clue what she’s talking about.
I mean the kind of honest, deep down, no-holds-barred laughter, where you tear up and milk shoots out your nostrils like an erupting volcano. So watch Chris Rock right before the next time you go out to meet women… you’ll feel definitely feel more relaxed and “in the mood” to meet women. Sean also mentioned that listening to music you love and moving your body a little bit is another way to release nervousness. So try putting on your headphones for a second next time you get ready to chat up with a sexy woman at Starbucks… The simple fact is that if your body is in a state that’s not conducive to nervousness – if you’re relaxed, laughing, or rockin’ out to your favorite song – the nervousness will go away. Releasing nervous energy like this is a PHYSICAL skill. You have to practice it to learn it deep down in your body.
Oh, there’s one more way to get rid of nervousness that Sean shared that I just have to mention… He calls this his “Starsky & Hutch Move.” Next time you see a woman you’d like to meet walking in your direction, let her past right by you, wait 30 seconds or so… and then SPRINT after her (we’re talking run through traffic, push people out of the way, knock over the old lady on the sidewalk… it should look like a POLICE CHASE straight out of – you guessed it- that 70’s T.V. show Starsky & Hutch.) It may sound silly or outlandish, but by RUNNING you dissipate the nervous energy in your body. You take all anxiety and turn it into adrenaline to power your legs to sprint after her. Your body does the work of releasing the stress for you. By the time you reach her, you’ll have virtually NO nervousness left. A bit extreme? Perhaps. But have fun with it and judge it by the results YOU get.
Make A Woman’s “Chance Meeting Fantasy” Come True
If you have a busy life, going out to clubs until the wee hours of the morning and trying to meet 19-year-olds may not be your thing. Sean agrees… that’s why he focuses a lot of the work he does on teaching guys how to meet women during the DAY at normal everyday places. As Sean says, the hottest spot isn’t some crazy club in the Mediterranean, Paris, or New York… He says the best place in the world to find the most women is the shoe section of Macy’s on a Sunday afternoon… or a Starbuck’s in an area of town where a lot of attractive women live. In other words, the best place to meet women is where they go during the course of their normal, day to day living. The fact is, not every woman out there goes out to clubs. In fact, many of the SEXIEST women get tired of getting groped by drunken dumb asses… and quit going out to clubs AT ALL.
But EVERY attractive woman has to go out in the day-time and buy a pair of shoes… or get a café latte at Starbucks… or get bread and eggs at the grocery store… or go to the gym to stay looking so hot. So when you go out to these places, not only are there plenty of attractive women… but there’s also NO COMPETITION. Let’s say you’re at the gym, and you see a cutie with headphones on. Do you think guys are hitting on her with those headphones on? Probably not.
Sean says to walk up to her, point to her headphones, and when she takes them off say something playful like, “Oh my god you are so cute. Alright, you have to leave the gym right now, because I can’t focus on my workout, and this distraction isn’t helping me at all. If you want to be my personal trainer that’s another thing… maybe you can stand to the side and give me some incentive… but I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”
She’ll crack up… because you’ve done something fun for her…and you’ve done something no other man will do – flirt with her in the DAY-TIME. The other factor that makes this sort of thing so POWERFUL is that every woman wants to meet their “one true love” at an everyday, random place… NOT at a bar or club. In fact, if you meet a woman at a bar, she’ll usually make up a story of how the two of you meet randomly during the day. Women fantasize about meeting a guy through a romantic “chance meeting” so much that they’ll MAKE STUFF UP.
Women have been programmed to seek out these fantasies by all those “chick flicks” where men and women meet in highly improbable, yet romantic ways (think any movie with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan). When a woman meets a man in a way that’s similar to these fantasies, it feels more REAL to her… like it was SUPPOSED to happen… like FATE played a hand in it. She doesn’t get this feeling when she meets you after having too many shots at the local club. Several years ago, I met a woman online who became my girlfriend for about a year and a half. She was a stunningly attractive woman, and in fact went on to create a career around her looks. Well, how psyched do you think she was to tell her friends and family, “Yeah, I (a very attractive, successful, intelligent woman) was surfing for dudes on the Internet… and this is the one I got”? Not so much.
She preferred saying that we met at a coffee shop or bookstore or some other “regular” spot. My point here is that women are DYING to meet men at normal, everyday places. It’s romantic to them… it’s a scene right out of their favorite movie. Don’t deny them this pleasure. Make a woman’s fantasy come true by approaching her in the daytime.
Learn One Killer Opening Line or Pick Up Line
Walking up to a brand new woman, saying something, and making her smile – it’s a huge high. But… most guys want it to be perfect, and they’re terrified they’ll screw things up and everyone will know that they failed. So it seems EASIER to experience lost opportunities than take the chance of confirming the fact that you really have no idea what you’re doing when it comes to meeting women. One thing Sean does to deal with this situation is rely on an approach he created that he uses in almost any situation with a woman… and he says it over and over and over again with a ton of the new women he meets.
He goes up to a woman and says something like, “Excuse me… I don’t mean to interrupt you… but I had to tell you… you are unbelievably cute,” and then he’d wait for them to react. They almost always smile because it’s genuine, sincere, and warm. He may follow that up with something playful like, “Okay…this is the part where you tell me that I’m cute also… I’m not sure if you’ve done this before, but this is called flirting. I’ll take you step by step and I really think you’re going to enjoy this… you’re doing good so far…” This is the kind of thing you can do every day of your life, in ANY situation with a woman.
You’re at Starbucks and there’s a cute girl in front of you in line. Tap her on the shoulder, and tell her exactly what you’re thinking… if you think she’s cute, tell her you think she’s cute. Odds are she’ll like it because attractive woman RARELY get approached in such a direct and SINCERE way. If you have something to say in any situation with a woman, that will give you confidence. And that confidence will help you relax, and give off that cool-calm-and-collected vibe to the women you meet.
Fearless First Impressions
Here’s a killer exercise Sean shared that you can use whenever you’re feeling nervous about approaching a woman. You already know that using your BODY is the most “direct path” to getting rid of nervousness, and the Approach Anxiety Destroyer is a great way to do this.
Here’s what Sean said to do: When you feel anxiety about talking to a woman, start
walking and say to yourself quietly, but out loud “Yeah” while you slowly nod your head up and down (like you do when you’re listening to music you enjoy.) Keep repeating this to yourself in a slow loop (“yeah… yeah… yeah…”). Then add 3 affirmations to the mix – “I feel like a freakin’ goofball… yeah… yeah…” “Sean has no idea what the hell he’s talking about… yeah… yeah…” “She’s going to think I’m functionally retarded… yeah… yeah… yeah…”
By the end of that, you’re smiling, enjoying yourself, and you’ve stated out loud your worst fears. You take that loop going on in your brain, and you say it out loud and get it OUT. And by getting those deep dark fears out, you’ll see that it doesn’t really matter and that it’s all just fun anyways so you might as well enjoy it. That’s Sean’s way to DESTROY “Approach Anxiety.” Try it for yourself. Just make sure no one sees you!
Give Her “Psychological Space”
If you could step outside of yourself… and see yourself as you talked to a woman… what would you see? The obvious thing you’d notice right away is how much PHYSICALLY BIGGER you are than the woman you’re chatting up (most of the time). That size difference can be INTIMIDATING to a woman… especially if you’re “in her space” and facing her directly. Well, you guessed it, Sean has a solution. When you walk up to a girl to talk to her, stand SIDE BY SIDE with her instead of standing directly in front of her.
When you do this, you give a woman “psychological space”, and it allows you to stand very close to her without making her uncomfortable. If you’re side by side with a girl, you can be inches away and she’ll still feel comfortable. You can even touch her on the shoulder and she’ll like it… because you’re not intimidating her.
Try this side by side approach for yourself… you’ll be BLOWN AWAY by how much more open women are to your conversations. I hope you enjoyed this interview with Sean as much as I did. If I were you, I’d listen to it a couple of times, write down 3 of your favorite ideas, and put them into action IMMEDIATELY. Do it right now… before you get distracted by other stuff.
I’ll talk to you again soon.