OK guys, usually I print a question from a reader, and answer it for you.
This time, I'm instead sharing a letter with you from a woman who didn't have
any questions, really. It's just that she agreed that the basic ideas in The
Master Plan are SO RIGHT ON that she just had to share her experiences regarding
a BAD DATE she went on recently.
As you read this, I want to prepare you for something. It's a LONG READ. And it
might not be EASY to read, either. But it's WORTH IT.
In fact, you may find yourself getting mad at the woman writing the letter.
But believe me...if this story is ANYTHING CLOSE to accurate, it was HIM...not
HER.
Sure, you could easily say that if the guy cared more about this date he would
have shown more initiative...but given the train of events, I doubt that was the
issue.
If you pay VERY CAREFUL attention to Denise's words, you'll find that she did
EVERYTHING SHE COULD to give this guy a chance.
Ultimately though, as you're about to see, if you don't have the "Big Four"
going on, you tend to get "perplexed" when women ultimately say "thanks but no
thanks"...
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Dear Scot,
You are awesome and I often pass your websites along to folks I meet who seem to
be in wanton need of your it's-just-common-sense advice. I LOVE IT!
I had such a nauseating experience last night I feel compelled to share with
someone who will "get" my reaction.
I accepted a 2nd date from a guy.
He seemed to be a good guy, a bit more reserved than I prefer, but hey, he had
the guts to actually ask me out, so I figured I'd give him a chance to "shine"
on perhaps more comfortable ground, i.e something he would like to do on a date.
He called a few days later, this past Monday, asked me out for the weekend. We
arranged Friday. Said he would e-mail me the details in the next few days. I'm
impressed he's going to come up with a plan!
No word all week long. Calls me midday on Friday, leaves this message on my
cell:
"Sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner, I hope you are still available
tonight. I couldn't really find anything going on so I thought maybe we could
just meet and maybe wander around and find something."
Gee, now there's an offer I can't refuse!
Me--perplexed--this is Seattle, for crying out loud. There's music all over the
place! And, it's friggin' 45 degrees and windy, and he's "inviting" me to
"wander around until we find something"???
At this point, all my initial impressions of him were confirmed (aka, not "on
top of his game") and I am now regretting having accepted this date.
However, I'm not one to back out once I have accepted, except for emergencies or
hints there might be danger ahead, so I decided to hang in there just for this
one date and see how the rest of the eve plays out.
I couldn't return his call till the end of my work day at 5 pm. He still didn't
have a plan. I fed him information because he obviously needs some direction.
I tell him the weekend "what's happening" is released by the paper on Thursday
so he could look at it on line. I even tell him exactly the URL.
He wants to know where we should meet. (I thought he asked me out?) We agree to
meet outside of a certain restaurant (because he knew where that was).
I told him there was a parking garage right there so he wouldn't have to park
six blocks away. He said he would Google the directions to the parking
garage--great initiative!
We talk at 8:20, both late, me 5 min, him 15. No big deal. He asks me again for
directions to the parking garage (guess Google wasn't helpful).
We determine he's roughly 10-15 minutes away including time to park, etc. I
arrive at our meeting spot. After 20 minutes of waiting I call to check (at this
point I am skeptical he is going to be able to find the place...again).
Sure enough, he has parked 6 blocks away and is walking, but didn't know which
direction he was walking--true story!
I get him set on the right track and 5 minutes later I call him from street
corner where I had walked to so he could find me (and yes, I told him I was
there).
Eventually, we meet up, but this entire direction-location-finding thing took
until 9 pm and I am ready to go home. It's still cold and windy and he still has
no plan.
I guess he didn't take advantage of my invite to look online, so I suggest a
wine bar that is around the corner as a starter. We arrive, actually get 2 front
and center seats at the bar, waiter brings a list.
We chat long enough to settle in. After 10 minutes waiter hasn't come back to
ask us if we are ready to order despite our having put the menus down. It seemed
we were waiting an inordinate amount of time for the bartender.
I wanted to jump up and say "excuse me we are ready"...but, I wanted to give
this guy a chance to do his man thing and take care of this.
He didn't. We waited more than 20 minutes, sitting right at the bar, in full
view of bartenders who were mixing everyone else's drinks right in front of us.
I wondered how long the bartenders were going to allow us to sit there and drink
water. In the meantime, while my date is talking away, I conceded and thought,
"okay, I'm just going to drink water all night."
Then, finally coming to the realization that he really had no clue that he
should have gotten the waiter's attention on our behalf, I took the initiative
and gave the proverbial smile and nod to the waiter. Drinks arrive.
Yea...progress!
We continue to visit, (he talked mostly, I listened )...no connection. He
doesn't get it. I'm not surprised. We stay roughly 1.5 hours. He wants to go
find some music.
I declined, it's late, I have to go check on my geriatric dog (16.5 yr old
husky) who had been having a bad week.
As he walks me back to the parking garage and comments on how "easy" the evening
was, believe it or not he asked me if I would like to go out again.
Me--aghast at the thought! I wanted to scream, "What......t? Because we had such
a great time tonight?????"
I shook his hand. Said thank you for the evening and graciously declined. Left
him standing at the top of the escalator looking perplexed.
THE END.
Denise (Seattle, WA)
P.S. BTW- one tidbit I left out. When I called him while on my wait to tell him
I was running a few minutes late, as soon as I said, "Hi this is..." he
immediately jumped in with "are you calling to cancel?"
That should have been my "stop sign"!
=====
Now to this guy's credit, he DID pick up the phone instead of texting. And he
DID have the presence of mind to walk her to the parking garage. But the rest
was a disaster.
Can you REALLY blame Denise for being frustrated? Sure she uses some up-front
language to describe what happened, but hey...she tried. She TRIED.
She shouldn't have HAD to TRY. Her date should have MANNED UP.
Masculinity, confidence, character (doing what you say you're going to do, for
example) and inspiring a woman's confidence. Without the "Big Four" (let alone
ANY of the "Big Four"), you too could be left "perplexed" at the end of dates.
Don't do that.
Avoiding just ONE MORE DATE that's ANYTHING CLOSE to the one above is worth
checking out The Master Plan.
After all, it's called The Master Plan
for a reason. It's your COMPLETE ROAD MAP for being exactly the version of your
REAL SELF who doesn't get left alone at the top of parking garage escalators:
