YouCanGetTheGirl.com

Approaching Women

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If ever there were two of the greatest minds in dating together in the same room, it was the day that David Deangelo interviewed Style, or Neil Strauss – author of The Game.  Style was living life as a writer and investigative journalist for Rolling Stone, when a book editor called him with an idea for an interesting story…

She had discovered a document that was supposedly the work of a secret underground community of “pick up artists”… who met together to talk shop and trade seduction techniques. Neil Strauss was intrigued, and he started to dig… but little did he know that what he would discover would soon change his life forever…

Through his career in journalism, Style got to hang with major celebrities and rock stars, but always assumed that THEY were the ones who would get the hot women… not HIM.

These days, times are different. Here are a few of the tips and strategies my friend used to go from ZERO success with women, to a guy that some rock stars have actually asked for advice.

Prepare Before You Play

Style prepares himself for a night out on the town the same way that he prepares to do an interview for a magazine… The first thing he does is write down EVERYTHING… what he wants to talk about to the women he meets… the attitude he wants to have… and even the way he wants to kiss her when things are going well.

He’ll also throw in a few “Snapple fun facts”… or other silly conversation starters he can use when he’s at a loss for words. Things like, “Did you know that the average woman consumes 7 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime?” or “Do you think toilet paper rolls should have the paper coming down the front, or the back along the wall?”

He puts it all down on a “cheat sheet”… studies it… then tucks it away in his pocket… just in case. He usually doesn’t have to pull it out… but having it with him gives him the confidence he needs to go out and meet more women… and THAT’S what it’s all about.

Stick With The PROVEN 4-Step Structure

It’s a good idea to have some sort of game plan when you are interacting with a woman so you can keep things moving forward… and Style has an AWESOME one that I suggest you steal immediately… Here are the 4 basic steps (In a moment we’ll take a closer look at each one):

1. Open – Simply a matter of crossing the line from seeing a woman to actually talking to her .

2. Demonstrate Value – An attractive woman will meet many guys when she is out… and it’s CRUCIAL to demonstrate something that distinguishes you from rest.

3. Build An Emotional Connection – In stage 3, it’s time to go from entertaining her to really CONNECTING with her on an emotional level.

4. Physical connection – If you spend too much time connecting with her emotionally without pushing things forward physically, you will be heading straight for “The Friend

Zone.”

Now, let’s dive into these a little deeper…

Approach The Entire Group

As you know, beautiful women are rarely found alone. Here are 3 of Style’s KILLER tips for approaching groups of people:

Tip #1: Use A “Time Constraint”

When you approach a group of girls, usually at least ONE of them will immediately begin trying to figure out ways to blow you off… even if your approach is a good one!

Rather than fight an uphill battle, use what my friend calls a “Time Constraint”…

Simply say something like, “I can only stay for a minute because I’ve got to get back to my friends,” or “I’ve gotta get out of here in a second, but…”. Say this near the beginning or at the very beginning of your approach.

This puts them at ease… because they think you’ll be gone soon… and also gives you just enough time to win everyone in the group over.

Tip #2: Approach With Energy

When you approach a group of people, make sure your energy level is equal to or slightly higher than theirs. Nobody wants to talk to someone who is going to bring them

down… so don’t do it!

Tip #3: Keep Everyone Warm

If there is more than one person in the group, you want to make sure that everyone in the group gets attention and stays engaged… or someone WILL become your enemy. When you open a group of people, usually it is because there is one particular woman in the group that you are attracted to.

Style’s rule is NOT to hit on her until she’s attracted to you first. Start by chatting with her friends… This gives you a chance to demonstrate your personality… and to become a challenge for her by teasing her and using Cocky and Funny humor to blow her off.

This will REALLY blow her mind… as she’s accustomed to being the one out of her group that gets the attention… and here you are blowing her off. Nice.

Demonstrate Your Higher Value

The best way to demonstrate that you have higher value than other men is to simply show her a better time than she was having before you showed up… and a better time than she has had with anyone else. Or as Style puts it, “learn to be more interesting than the average person.”

To do that he has a bunch of stories and games that he calls IVDs or “Interactive Value Demonstrations” (and yes, he deserves to be made fun of for naming them so…) Most of his “IVDs” are simple interesting things that teach people things about themselves.

One he uses often is called the “Best Friend’s Test”. He’ll address both women at once, and tell them he is going to give them the “Best Friend’s Test”… He’ll then ask them something irrelevant, like “What kind of shampoo do you two use?”  Then he watches and waits… 9 times out of 10 the two women will look at each other before they answer.

Then he simply says, “Ok… the answer to the question actually doesn’t even matter. You can tell when girls are best friends because they will always look at each other before they answer a question!”  Then, of course… they both look at each other and crack up

laughing…

This is great because its fun… it makes them feel good about their friendship… and you’re not “hitting on” anyone. Another one of Style’s best routines is to teach a woman about “Eye Accessing Cues.”

There is no way I could explain this as well as he does… so make sure you listen to the CD again… and take some notes. And don’t just limit yourself to these 2 routines… anything along these lines… such as palm reading, handwriting analysis, or any interactive game that reveals something interesting to a woman about herself is a surefire way to generate ATTRACTION.

Build An Emotional Connection

Once you have demonstrated that you are a unique and interesting individual, it’s time to build an emotional connection…

One of Style’s favorite moves to start this off is something he calls the “Instant Date”… simply taking her—with or without her friends—from the place where you first met to another venue… or even just another spot inside the club. This is one of my favorite moves as well… as it has an almost magical effect. Once the two of you are in a new location, it will feel like you are now there “together”… and BAM… you’ve gone from being strangers to becoming friends.

Another technique Style uses to build an emotional connection with a woman fast is his “Eliciting Values” routine. This is a fun and easy way to find out what someone is REALLY looking for in life… and you can do it by simply asking 3 questions:

Question 1: What is the most important thing you need to have in life to make it feel worthwhile?

Question 2: If you have “X” (her answer to Question 1), what does it allow you to do?

Question 3: If you got to that point and you were able to have “Y” (the things she mentioned when she answered Question 2) how would you feel inside? What’s the emotion you feel?

This emotion is called her CORE VALUE… and it’s what she’s really after in life.

To finish up the routine, point out the fact that while she was thinking about it, there was a little pause when she was figuring out what it was… and at that moment, she was actually FEELING IT.  She’ll usually agree… and then you can say, “Cool, we just fulfilled your purpose in life in 3 minutes. You can die now.”

Nice.

This routine allows you to get on a deep level with someone very quickly, and learn a lot about them in the process. I suggest you try it out.

Get Physical

As a former tenant of “The Friend Zone”… “getting physical” was the hardest piece of the puzzle for Style to figure out.  The two scariest points of learning this stuff for most men are the initial approach and the first kiss—because those are the two places where it’s easiest to get rejected. We’ve already covered the approach, so let’s talk about the kiss…

First of all, Style recommends that you get her comfortable with more casual touching (like holding hands) before planting one on her. Otherwise it can seem very sudden… and I doubt you want to get slapped…

Here’s another rule to follow:

When you hit that point when you’re thinking—should I be kissing her now?  It usually means: YES.  Also… pay close attention to her body language and her eyes.  Is she looking at your mouth… or holding eye contact longer than usual? Or does she squeeze your hand back when you squeeze hers?

Also… of course… use the “Kiss Test” that I share with you on the first page of my site.

If you gently stroke the hair from the side of her face and along her neck, and she seems to be enjoying it—it’s time to make something happen.  Style has yet another killer routine for this that I’m sure is VERY effective…

He begins by telling her that she smells good and smelling her from shoulder to ear… then pulls her hair at the back of her neck and asks her if it feels good. If she says, “yes”, he gives her a gentle bite on the inside of the elbow… then a nibble on the neck… working his way up to the inevitable kiss…

Style admits that it’s more work than is probably necessary most of the time, but it’s a good idea to have something reliable to fall back on for those tough situations.

Let’s wrap this up…

It’s a fact that the guys who are the best with women are the ones that are always trying new things, working to improve. Guys who are afraid to try something new usually fail.

So get off your ass and try some of this stuff out!

Remember: Do what you’ve always done, and you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.

One of Style’s biggest epiphanies about his own challenges with women was this:

“Its not bad genes, it’s BAD HABITS.”

Change them!

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David Deangelo

How To Meet Women Online!

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David Deangelo on Meeting Women Online

So many men have the misconception that online dating services and meeting women online are only for repulsive singles that can’t get a date to save their life, or for those that are afraid of rejection. But millions of men are opting to check out the possibilities of meeting women online simply because it offers a new, easy to use forum in the comfort of your own home and is minus all the hype of bars and clubs. Besides, even singles who are flat broke can put up a free personals ad in the online dating forum!

The thing about learning how to meet women online is that you can literally create an art form out of your personal ad and draw the single women to you like bees to honey. The trick is, though, you have got to know how to craft your online profile in the right way, or you will just be one of the million other singles out there trying to attract a date and either failing or succeeding with meeting women online.

David Deangelo has literally made an entire PROGRAM out of how to meet women online. He tells you all the tips and tricks of creating a killer profile, how to email women, how to get her to look at you as an attractive alpha male rather than just another guy, how to take it from the internet to a face to face meeting in just 2 emails and SO much more.

Check it out:  Meeting Women Online

For instance, have you put much thought into the pictures you put into your profile? Well DUH!! You should. David Deangelo tells guys exactly what kinds of pictures you should have in there to instantly attract women, no matter what you look like in Meeting Women Online. There are also certain headlines you need to use in your profile to meet women online and surefire tips to writing them.

David Deangelo also tells people in his Meeting Women Online program how to act on your first date with a woman you meet at an online dating site. There is so much more to meeting women online than just sticking up a profile! What are you waiting for? Check out David Deangelo’s tips and tricks by clicking on the box below, even if you just read the page you will be so much farther ahead of the game when it comes to online interaction on dating websites than 99% of the other guys out there.

If you are looking for some help choosing the right online dating site for you, please check out our section dedicated to that:  Online Dating Sites.

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Below is just a funny article from Scot McKay telling readers about his four most memorable Online Dating Disasters:

Here are the four most memorable ones:

1) Not What The Doctor Prescribed

Very shortly after my divorce in 1992, I received a “spam” message in my inbox that I actually responded to. Believe it or not, I hadn’t even heard of online dating before. This ad claimed I could meet the woman of my dreams on their site, so I was intrigued.

The next thing you know, I had ponied up however much they charged and began looking through the pictures of women they had listed.

To be honest, this was not exactly the most well-traveled site on the ‘net. Who knew there was a Match.com out there? So inevitably, I found exactly one woman who seemed interesting to me-a brown-eyed blondie with a friendly smile.

I emailed her, probably with something lame like “You seem nice. Maybe we could get along. Would you like to talk?”. Remember, this was Day One for me in the online dating world – my first stab at meeting women online.

Call it “beginner’s luck, but she wrote back. Crazy, huh?

Well, one thing led to another, and there we were sitting across the table from one another at dinner. The fact that I shouldn’t have been paying for dinners here has long since been duly noted and is sort of beside the point, so please overlook that for now and read on.

Midway through dinner, she starts talking about her medical problems.

Never talk about your medical problems on a first date. I don’t care if you’ve known the person for ten years, let alone ten minutes.

Between bites of whatever I was eating, she was bragging about how she had chronic kidney stone issues and how tough she was for being able to pass them without even flinching nowadays.

Unfortunately, she took my casual attempt to divert the discussion as disbelief.

“You don’t believe I get kidney stones? Here…look…”

Already having started digging in her purse, she soon produced a small medicine vial.

I thought to myself, “This chick has to be kidding. I believe her, already. She doesn’t have to prove her case by showing me her prescription.”

I should have been so lucky.

Pressing down and twisting the child-proof cap, the bottle opened and the contents were soon poured into her hand.

“See, look at this…it has to be at least the size of a pea, right?”

With a freshly French-manicured thumb and forefinger, she produced the largest unit from an impressive collection of similar objects she was holding.

Yes. It was the largest kidney stone she had ever passed.

This woman collected her kidney stones. And she took them with her everywhere, apparently.

I don’t remember what I said or did, really. But I do remember there was a second date, believe it or not.

2) Not A Strip Mall, Sweetie

Not long after the “kidney stone chick”, I met another woman from the same site. She was a Hispanic cutie with perfect skin and a booty that would have made Sir Mix-A-Lot slam on the brakes. She said “sweetie” a lot.

I hadn’t learned the part about not taking women to expensive dinners on first dates yet, so there were at one of the nicer sushi joints in San Antonio.

She was terrific. She was intelligent and loved to laugh. Above and beyond that, she was a great flirt. Clearly she was digging me.

We had ordered two glasses of red wine, and conversation turned to what she did for a living.

“So you said you were ‘self-employed’. What exactly do you do?”, I asked.

While she answered, I took a sip of Merlot. And it was right then that I discovered that all those slapstick “spit takes” you see on old-school comedy sketches are rooted in factual reality.

It took all I had in reserve not to spew grape juice all over everything.

“I run a chain of strip clubs, Sweetie.”, she had announced matter-of-factly.

Sitting before me was a decidedly classy woman, who I had picked up from a decent home in a nice neighborhood.

“You mean, like a strip mall…right…with the nail salons, a tanning place and a Chinese restaurant.”

“No, silly! LOL! I mean like…you know…strip clubs. The kind with girls.”

Now if you know my style at all by now, you already realize the date was as good as over.

Yet, it was like a train wreck. I couldn’t look away.

And I asked the inevitable question.

“Yes, well…my ex ran the day-to-day operations and I pretty much handled the books. But he let the ‘interview process’ go a little too far too often, and I couldn’t trust him anymore. I got the business in the divorce settlement.”

It was then, I told her the truth.

“I’ve never been to one of those places in my life, and I see no reason to start now.”

Uh oh.

I may has well have lit a roman candle. That chick practically attacked me as soon as we left the restaurant. I tried to handle things as best as I knew how at the time, but let’s just say she wasn’t a happy camper.

When I got home, she had already e-mailed me the buck-naked pics from her “Adult Friendfinder” profile (which was my first introduction to that particular reality). “This is what you missed out on. GOOD LUCK!!!” was the only line accompanying the pics.

3) June Carter Cash Or Charge

I should have known better, considering the one pic she had attached to her profile was a blurry one.

And in my heart of hearts, I really did know better. Suspecting this particular date may not go so well, I invited her to dinner (yeah, yeah…hardheaded wasn’t I?) at 5.30p.

I walked into the Chili’s or TGIFridays or whatever it was, and immediately got that nauseous feeling that every single online dater experiences at one point or another. Specifically, the one where you see someone waiting alone at a table over there who vaguely resembles the person you were expecting to meet about as much as a piece of burnt toast resembles the perfectly good slice of bread you threw in the toaster and forgot about.

My honest-to-goodness first thought was, “OMG…who replaced the woman with the nice smile in the profile with June Carter Cash!”

I was too much of a “Mr. Nice Guy” to turn tail and skip town immediately, so I gathered my intestinal fortitude and approached the table.

Conversation was stilted from the very beginning. She began to make a feeble attempt at flirting.

The woman was at least 55 years old. And not a very attractive 55-year-old at that.

She was dressed in solid black stuff with lots of stainless steel crap and fringes on it, like she was some dust-farting legend from “The Grand Ole’ Opry” or something.

The thickness of her Texas accent was eclipsed only by the thickness of her black eyeliner.

Finally, she excused herself to the ladies room, offering me a blessed reprieve from impending regurgitation.

It was then the waiter came to the table asking me if I wanted another beer. “NO!” I proclaimed, soon apologizing for the brusque tone neither he nor I had anticipated.

“OK, um…how about your mom?

“What?”

“Would your mom like another beer?”

Suddenly reminded that one must take oneself much less seriously in order to derive the greatest enjoyment out of life, I burst out laughing.

I was still recovering when Mrs. Cash returned to the table.

Having ordered a small garden salad (after all, who could eat?), my focus pretty much turned to saying as little as possible in hopes that she would friggin’ finish eating.

I had already called for the check and ended up excusing myself to go find the waiter and pay it, already.

Finally, leaving, I parted ways with her at the table and wished her well. There was no way I was going to risk the awkwardness of walking her to her car. My inherent sense of chivalry was in fact overwhelmed by utter disgust, without apology.

Arriving home at the advanced hour of 6:30, I was greeted once again by a “post date” e-mail. In her vitriolic message to me, Mrs. Cash had “charged” me with a series of offenses that clearly roused her deepest sense of hurt and anger. Among the more particularly hilarious ones was the pronouncement that I was “obviously gay” because I failed to see her as attractive.

Were she the last woman on earth, she may have been right about that.

Incidentally, I finally learned my lesson and quit that particular dating site…forever.

4) Cook For Your Drunk

She was a very cute kindergarten teacher of Lebanese ethnicity. She was also a total sweetheart. Realizing her pics consistently got 9.5s on HotOrNot.com, I threw the dice and let her come to my place so I could cook for her.

There were no disappointments. She was exactly my type. And she was already being touchy/feelie/smiley enough that I knew this was going to go really well.

I mixed her an “Apple-tini”.

“Oh my! This is GOOOD!” she said. Noticing her glass was empty, I refreshed it for her.

The glass was empty again the next time I looked over at her. Right then, making eye contact with her, she skipped over to me, threw her arms around my neck and started biting me with a giggle.

This chick was perhaps 110 pounds with a full tank of fuel. (in other words, she was probably 110 pounds at that moment). So I decided maybe two drinks were enough.

But nevertheless, when I wasn’t paying attention she had found some raspberry stuff in my stash and had begun mixing vodka with it.

Ten minutes later, dinner was finished…and it was spectacular, if I may say so myself.

But she was nowhere to be found.

It was then I remembered she had excused herself to the bathroom.

I went to check on her and she had vomited (thankfully with tremendously accurate aim) into the commode, and was presently passed out on the floor. Whatever.

Managing to wake her up, her groggy self agreed to let me carry her to the bedroom and let her sleep it off…which she did.

I ate dinner alone, watching SportsCenter. The Spurs had lost, no less.

She woke up 8 hours later, found me asleep on the couch, and had made me breakfast by the time I woke up. It was a great breakfast. She clearly had a sense that I was a man whom she could feel safe with. There was a second date.

Obviously, I learned some things from my early online dating misadventures. My evening with he Lebanese cutie actually happened about six months before I met Emily, so that only proves you gotta stay on your toes at all times. Actually, that one was probably less of an “online dating disaster” per se and more of an issue of guarding my liquor stash from pent-up school teachers!

How to Be a Real Man

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QUESTION:

Hi Mate…

From the Land Down-under… I think we’ll just call you “Son of Croc Dundee.”

Here’s an interesting observation, a success story and a question.

The observation.

In the late eighties/ early nineties at the height of the feminist “revolution” in Oz there was a constant refrain from women … “Where have all the men gone?” It was in the media, and women spoke about this ‘ailment’ continually. Well the short answer to this question is that they (the women) had neutered them (the men) … or rather the men had allowed themselves to be neutered.

What you’re doing here is important. Single handed you’re giving men back their self respect.

The success story.

I ran a version of that personal ad. The phone didn’t stop running hot for two weeks. If I had wings I would fly. I might do it anyway.

The question.

Looking back on my two most recent (didn’t work out) relationships that were pre “Son of Croc Dundee” I noticed a pattern. The ‘didn’t work out’ part happened when I was under some pressure and the wimpy part of me emerged.

Now… everyone has problems, and I’m usually strong enough to handle them. However, within the law of the “Son of Croc Dundee” should you never be “weak”? Hard call for a sensitive soul. What’s the balance here?

What say you Maestro?

K.

P.S. AND… to those who haven’t bought the book…Run, jump, fly, swim as fast as you can to that download page. It’ll be the best investment you’ve made since you were 13 and read that copy of Penthouse that you’d found under your Father’s bed.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

You know… you say that back in the late 80s and early 90s women were asking “Where have all the men gone?”… Well, I think that women are saying it more than EVER now.

I’m going to handle this in two parts. First I want to address your initial comments, then I’d like to answer your question. So first, your comments…

One of my best friends told me about a television show he saw that featured a woman who was talking about male/female relationship dynamics.

This woman was basically saying that a lot of men in this day and age were raised by single mothers, and that this has led to more and more men acting like, well, girly-men. And, of course, single women aren’t looking for wussy-girly-men… they’re looking for “real” men.

I personally find this idea very intriguing.

When I watched the movie “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”…, I saw something very interesting. Part of the plot revolved around a forbidden-love relationship. It’s a common “movie” theme, and it occurs in real life often as well.

Here’s a summary…

In this movie, there was a troubled teenage girl who was arranged to be married by her family. Of course, she didn’t love the guy, and wanted to be free to find a love on her own. As it turned out, she was also secretly a super-duper martial arts bad-ass.

One day, while on a trip through the desert, her entourage was attacked by a group of bandits. The leader of the criminals was a Johnny Depp looking Asian guy. He rode up, stole her fancy hair-comb, and rode off.

Being the feisty girl that she was, she jumped on a horse and rode into the desert after the bad (but cute) boy. They wound up fighting, wrestling and beating the hell out of each other.

The long and the short of it is… he abducted her, tied her up, and hid her away in a cave. And somehow, right in the middle of it all, they began MAKING OUT.

Five years ago I would have watched this whole sequence and said, “Well, it doesn’t make any sense, but it makes for a nice story…”

But now that I understand the illogical nature of attraction and sexual chemistry, I see a totally different picture. When the cute bad-boy took off, and she rode after him and started fighting with him, there were two different levels of communication happening.

On the surface, she was chasing him to get her hair comb back.

But looking at it from a different perspective, and looking at a deeper level, SHE HAD FINALLY MET A MAN WHO WAS AN INTERESTING CHALLENGE… and she responded instantly and powerfully by feeling magnetically attracted to him in a way that caused her to leave her group behind and risk her life.

And the fighting that occurred can be seen as just plain fighting… or, if you understand male-female dynamics, you can also see that on a different level they were FLIRTING. The tension that was building between them was also SEXUAL tension.

She had finally met “a real man”, and she responded powerfully to him.

Not long after they fell for each other, the bad-boy started to say some downright sensitive things (I don’t think he’s read my book). He was telling romantic stories about shooting stars, and he risked his life to be with her again… and confessed his love, etc.

This is a round-about way of addressing your comments and answering your question, but this story helps me to put my answers in perspective.

As far as being “a real man” goes, I think that it’s a good idea. Women respond powerfully to “male-ness”. If it is expressed in a powerful way, it can create an amazing attraction inside of a woman. As you’ve learned by reading my book, there are a lot of simple ways to do this.

To answer your question “Should you ever be weak?”, I say:

Most men act weak ALL THE TIME when they are in the presence of an attractive woman. This is a big problem.

If a woman sees you as a “weak man”, then trying to “be strong” will never work. You will only come across as a weak guy who’s trying to “act strong”.

On the other hand, a guy who is thought of as a “real man”… one who does not act weak during the first several interactions with a woman, can have a “weak moment” later on and actually have a woman respond in a very powerful, positive way.

In other words, if you’re perceived as a “real man”, then you can do whatever you want, and it will be perceived as part of that personality.

But if you are perceived as a “weak man”, then NOTHING you can do will trigger the strong gut- level attraction inside of a woman.

And nothing will change that picture inside of a woman’s head. Once you’re thought of as a weak, nice, ass-kissing guy, it’s like an invisible switch gets switched off inside of a woman. And it’s not coming back on anytime soon.

So, the big question is, how do you project this “real man” image? How do you be yourself while at the same time doing the things that create attraction? How do you act in an authentic way, while amplifying those parts of your personality that are most likely to trigger the attraction mechanism inside of women?

Part of the answer is to realize that just about every communication has several levels of meaning. When you tease, act cocky and funny, and bust a woman’s balls, you could viewed as being a mean jerk. Or, if you do it right you can be viewed as an interesting, sexy man.

This is a critical concept, and you need to understand it if you want to succeed with women.

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Copyright 2008 David DeAngelo Marketing Inc. David DeAngelo and Double Your Dating are trademarks.

Carlos Xuma on How To Get a Girlfriend

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How to Get a Girlfriend – Seven Tips You Can Use Now by Carlos Xuma

So there I was… I was standing up there in front of a crowd of eager guys presenting a seminar on how to attract women and how to get a girlfriend, and a strange urge overtook me… I wanted to ask them a question that just didn’t seem “politically correct” to ask a bunch of aspiring “pickup artists.” I kept thinking to myself: Should I…?

And then I did.

I asked the almost unthinkable question to a group of pickup artists… I asked: “How many of you want a single, steady girlfriend? Just one. Raise your hands…” And then I held my breath as if I’d just yelled out a cuss word in church. Then – to my amazement – about 90% of the crowd raised their hands.

And they raised them EAGERLY.

Since that day – over 3 years ago – I’ve been asking guys this question in almost all my seminars, and the results are always the same. Most of the guys learning the skills of pickup are just learning them to find ONE good woman. So why do guys work to learn how to be a “pickup artist” and learn all these seduction techniques, when what they really want is just to get a girlfriend?

I believe it’s because men have a basic need, and it’s illogical, but it is hard-wired in us. It’s the need to sexually CONQUER. We want to have the thrill of the victory, overcoming the challenge, and then having our egos boosted with the validation of sexual POWER.

In many ways, there’s nothing more addictive to the male mind. This is what makes us men. And there’s also nothing wrong with it, so don’t feel guilty. I was talking to a friend of mine, Jeff, at a cocktail party the other night, and he was discussing his experience of getting good with women, having a lot of women to date, and how he wasn’t very happy “dating around.” Yes, I know, sounds crazy, but it’s true with almost every guy I meet. Once you get to where you’re no longer so obsessed with getting laid and meeting women, you start to realize that what you really want – what would REALLY satisfy you more than anything else is just to find ONE good catch. Once you’ve stopped begging, you can then start to become the chooser.

So you want to know how to get a girlfriend? Okay, here are my… Seven IMPORTANT Steps to Get a Girlfriend:

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 1) Do not set out to find a girlfriend! If your priority is solely to get your itch scratched (sexually speaking), you’re going to find that you’ll scare off a LOT of people. Your GOAL is not to get a girlfriend, even though you think it is. Your goal is not the END, it’s simply the NEXT STEP in the process. Your goal is to improve your social network – which is like creating a nice strong safety net. It lowers your loneliness quotient, and it increases your ability to find a good woman in the long run. A good investigator doesn’t look directly for the criminal. They look for the indicators and evidence that leads them to their most wanted.

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 2) Adopt the attitude of the Interviewer… QUALIFICATION, Qualification, qualification. It’s all about qualification, my friend. The only way you can maintain a strong and confident attitude out there is to be the chooser – not the chosen. Think about the difference in these two people: The Interviewer and the Interviewee. Between being the guy going in and kissing ass and selling yourself to the company to get a job, and being the guy who chooses from them. If you’ve ever done the interviewing, you know what it’s like. You feel like THE MAN with all the power. It’s kind of a rush. Well, the difference in mindset between the guy that goes out trying to get women interested in him and the guy that goes out to see if any women can impress him is like NIGHT and DAY.

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 3) Become a Social Strategist… Network the hell out of your life. You need to really sit down and think about who you know, and who they know. And then start getting on their social calendars, one at a time. Here’s a technique that works like a champ. (It’s something I’m going to be talking more about in my upcoming program coming in a few months.) First, just connect with everyone in your network of friends. Get together with them, have a drink or a lunch, and just reconnect. Make it a point to develop more of a rapport-connection with them, and then get them to think about you whenever they’re holding a party or going to a party. Say something like: “Hey, this has been great catching up with you, John. By the way, I’m on this kick lately of just going out and socializing, and making sure all my friends have fun. So if you have any parties or social gatherings, drop me a line if you think it would be fun.” Give him your email, give him your cell phone and give him your facebook address. Better yet, have a card made up with JUST this information on it and your first name. Ba-da-bing. You’re now in his loop of social networking. From there, you just bust it out to the next level by making friends with people at every gathering you attend.

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 4) Multiple Streams of Female Income This is one of the core strategies of my method, and that is that you cannot afford to rely on any ONE method of meeting women. Mostly because if you fail to get that one method to work for you the way you want it to, you’ll get blown out of the game, and you’re socially dead in the water. AND your attitude will suffer along with your success. Dating is EXACTLY like owning stocks – you never put all your eggs in ONE basket. Back when the dot-com bust happened in 2001-2002, all the people who were heavily invested in technology stocks took a serious bath. Universal rule: Diversify! Spread your risk over a few good methods and you won’t get burned. (I just watched “Wall Street” again the other day, can you tell?) Don’t go too nuts, because you won’t get good at any of them if you do too many, but just pick your top 5 – and then work them like dogs. That’s how to get a girlfriend – and FAST.

My top picks?
– Speed dating
– Online dating
– Social networking
– Parties and social events
– Daytime approach

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 5) Know what kind of a woman you really want. You have to know the exact qualities you’re looking for in order to choose a good woman. There are many traits you need to create a good relationship with her – especially if you want to keep her. One thing you’ll see that most pickup artists DO NOT have is the ability to keep a relationship going. They can pickup a woman in a bar, but if you ask them how to get a girlfriend – one that lasts – they’ll just tell you to go take another class. I’ve been in relationships that lasted from 30 minutes to 5 years, so I do know how to keep a good woman around. First and foremost is to know WHAT you want, and sometimes that means…

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 6) Date ENOUGH women to know what you really want. A lot of guys don’t date enough women to figure out the qualities that they really want. In fact, I’ve never met a guy who dated a lot of women, and then said that he still wants the same things in a woman that he wanted when he first started. After dating a bunch of women, you start to realize that many of the things you THOUGHT you wanted weren’t as important as you thought. And you discover all-new things you really do need. The big mistake most people (men and women) make is to be in a hurry to get into a relationship because they can’t stand dating. It’s so painful for these guys to be single that they fall into the first relationship that comes along. And so they never develop dating skills, they just hope to find someone good before the bad women find them first. But this is a lot like taking the first job you can get, just to get a job – even though you’re not sure you’re going to like it. Sure, you may have employment, but you’ll just be miserable if you don’t make a good choice. And eventually you’ll either be fired or quit. The same is DOUBLY true for women. Choose poorly and you’re going to be a hell of a lot more miserable IN a relationship than out of one. Remember my universal rule: You’re better off alone than with the wrong woman. A woman has only one role in my life: To make me happier than I was without her. If she isn’t doing that, she isn’t what I want in a girlfriend. And neither do you! And here’s the last rule that will guarantee you’ll get a girlfriend in no time flat – IF you just use it. If you want to know how to get a girlfriend – and how I’ve done it in my life without having to resort to mail-order brides, it’s simply this:

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 7) Get out there and meet as many people as you possibly can. I’ve moved around the country and I’ve started my life over again 3 times. I moved from upstate New York, to Washington, DC, to Kansas City, to San Francisco. Each time I had to make all new friends. I learned something that has made all the difference between being lonely and being socially prosperous, and that’s this:

If you meet a bunch of people… some you will never see again.
Some you will turn into acquaintances.
Some you will turn into friends.
Some you will do business with.
Some you will turn into girlfriends.

But the more people you meet, the more you get of every kind. It’s a statistical and social CERTAINTY. Just like the “Sales Funnel,” where you put a hundred people in at the top, and only a few come out the bottom as buyers, so it is in your social life. It’s the most obvious law of numbers there is, and it simply demands that you just get off your ass right now and go meet some new people.

And here’s the amazing thing – it doesn’t matter HOW you meet them! Nor does it matter WHO you meet. You can meet old women who will set you up with their daughters or even their grand-daughters. You’ll meet women who introduce you to their cool guy friends, who will then introduce you to an ex-girlfriend or a cousin or a sister’s best friends’ nanny, who could be your next girlfriend.

You simply DO NOT KNOW how you will get your next girlfriend. If you want to know my advice on how to get a girlfriend, that’s it. Pure and simple. Treat it like a life-puzzle that you have to figure out. If you can just meet a few people each week, your life will be filled with an abundance that will ASTONISH you.

It will amaze you. I guarantee it…
– Carlos Xuma

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Carlos Xuma on How To Ask A Girl For A Date

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Learn some real world pick up strategies from Carlos Xuma!

Get success with women using Carlos Xuma’s powerful Alpha Man program

How to Ask a Girl for a Date

It’s the most intimidating question a guy can ask a woman, and one that I get asked about regularly. It feels like such a risky proposition, putting yourself out there for a woman’s approval (or rejection.)
This has to be one of the questions I hear most frequently from guys.

Why?

It’s the most intimidating question a guy can ask a woman, and one that I get asked about regularly. It feels like such a risky proposition, putting yourself out there for a woman’s approval (or rejection.)

The answer to the riddle is this: STOP asking women out!

First of all, you’re starting a program in a woman’s head that says: “He’s romantically interested in me. That means dates, and awkward kisses, and possibly sex, and then a breakup like the last one. I better not.”

Second, by asking her out, you make a woman need to figure out if she’s attracted to you the moment you ask the question. She is presented with an opportunity which requires her to figure out her interest level in YOU.

You see, a woman doesn’t want to lead a man on, but she also rarely knows right away if there’s romantic interest. So she’ll say yes just to test you out. It’s like her first drive of a new car. She doesn’t want to be obligated to buy right off the bat. If you push her for an answer right away (which is how asking her out comes across to her) she’ll say No, even if she isn’t sure yet.

Most women are NOT attracted to you immediately unless it’s by your looks alone. If you rely on pure sex appeal to win you the one you want, you’ll be relying on “luck.” There’s a much better way.

Don’t move so fast on her. Be patient. (Oh, and another fringe benefit of not asking a woman out is that you can’t be rejected. Pretty cool, huh?)

Take a moment and think about which of these would be most interesting to a woman:

A) A meal and/or movie date that demonstrates no originality, and implies that she’ll have to be considering you romantically, and that there will be pressure for her to be “on,” and then after it’s all done, she’ll have to deal with your attempt to kiss her. Scary.

B) A chance to go out and have some fun, with no pressure.

Which one sounds better to you?

Now, if you’re still leaning towards Option A, think about which one sounds better to HER?

Does Option B sound better now? You better believe it does.

Now, it may not seem to have your interests in mind right away, but that’s not what winning a girl’s heart is about. It’s about forgetting what YOU want for long enough so that you can give her what SHE wants.

Let’s put it this way – would you invest $10,000 of your hard-earned money in a stock you’d never even heard of before? No way! You’d want to see what the company is about, check out the fundamentals. And THEN you might be willing to invest a few hundred or so.

That’s what it looks like to her – potentially BIG risk, and no guarantee of return.

There’s a saying: “You can have anything you want in this world if you just help enough other people get what they want.”

Also, Option B gives her a little MYSTERY about your intentions and your interest, and that is what a woman wants. Remember: hope + doubt = passion.

So now that you’ve figured out that you need to give her a lower investment option to start out with, how do you do it exactly?

Easy. If you’ve only just met her on the street, you should see if she’s got a minute for coffee or tea at the local coffee shop. Take the opportunity to build a little rapport and show her that you’re FUN. The rest will come later if you can demonstrate a laid-back, fun personality.

If she doesn’t have the time, you then shift into a lower gear and get her phone number and/or email address. After you put such a nice request out there for coffee and she turned you down, she’s more likely to agree to give you her contact information, and in most cases she will write it right down.

If she hesitates, which is very likely because you’re still essentially a stranger, then you need to reassure her by teasing her. That’s right, teasing her.

HER: “Sorry, I don’t give out my number.” YOU: “It’s okay, I’m only going to leave you a hundred messages on your machine. C’mon, write it down.” Make her feel a little silly that she doubts your integrity and character. Teasing makes her forget about her weird trust issues.

Hand her a pen and paper and don’t look her in the eye; just wait. The next person who speaks, loses.

Usually, she’ll write it down. You have to be willing to wait out that long, uncomfortable silence while she figures out if you’re a confident guy or a wimp. If you start talking and trying to reassure her of all the reasons she should feel okay about giving you her information, you’ve already lost.

Just act as if she could do nothing else, and she will do exactly what you want.

Once you have her contact information, you only need to get hold of her and invite her to complete the offer you originally made – tea or coffee at a certain local shop. It’s a low-investment, and it’s not too pushy or overtly “romantic” that she has to worry about where things have to go.

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