DATING TIPS MAILBAG: Approaching Women

By David DeAngelo

 

Hello Dave,

I just wanted to start off by saying you have very valid points with your dating advice for men. I have worked at bars and restaurants where women come in looking to hook up with men. And the cocky funny attitude works wonders. I’m 22 going on 23 and I have had no problem ever getting women to give me their number. But there is one problem I do have. That is timing “the call”.  When should I call?  Plus I used your “Are you single” approach with this very attractive girl. She gave me 5 mins of her time and I found out some cool things about her. She was very hesitant on giving me her phone number, but after I sat down to talk to her, she gave me her number.  Well, I called her two days after she gave me her phone number and she was on the other line.  So she told me to call her back in 15 mins. I waited 30 and she never answered the phone. so I left a message.  Should I rip up her number  and never call her again? Or should I call her in a week?  Your advise would be greatly appreciated.

 

Plus why would she give me her number if she planned on not talking to me in the first place?

 

Thanks.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

I personally think that this is one of the funniest questions I hear. I mean, haven’t you watched “Swingers”? lol…

 

My rule of thumb is to wait at least one day, but not more than a few. The real key is how OFTEN you call her, and more importantly, what you SAY when you call.

 

But let’s talk about the psychology of why women give out their phone numbers, and why I personally like to get email addresses.

 

You must remember that attractive women are being approached all the time by men, in one way or another, trying to seduce them.

 

They have an unlimited supply of guys to choose from.

 

I think that a lot of women who give out their numbers, then respond by being flaky when you call are doing something that many of us guys wouldn’t have thought of in a million years:

 

I think they’re making themselves feel good.

 

Explained differently, I think that many women who give out their numbers are looking for the self-image-boosting hit of power that comes from having a lot of men calling them… men that THEY have the power to ACCEPT OR REJECT.

 

They can also use it to get attention from friends:

 

“All these guys just keep calling me! Why don’t they just leave me alone! Don’t they get the hint!?”

 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know that this sounds a little bit negative… and I don’t mean to say that ALL women do this, or that ALL women are bad, etc.

 

To me, it’s just part of the real world that you need to learn to accept and deal with.

 

Which leads me to why I get email addresses…

 

Keep in mind, I’ve tried a lot of different things when it comes to curing this problem of hot-and-cold women who act one way when you meet them, then totally different when you call.

 

And what I’ve found is that if you get EMAILS instead, you not only differentiate yourself, but you also increase your chances of hearing back from her by about 100%. No lie.

 

For some reason, email has a power that a call does not.

 

If you have my eBook “Double Your Dating“, then you have read about the technique for getting a woman’s email address within a few minutes of meeting her. Email is also seen as lower risk by her… and it’s easier to get as well.

 

Try it. You’ll like it.

 

 

***QUESTION to DAVID DEANGELO***

 

David

 

Being cocky and funny is the best way to go! I have picked up more chicks reading your newsletter then I ever have in my life. Getting the digits is a problem I used to have and really sweat about. But now its a breeze!  I average about 3-5 a week.

 

But anyway to my dilemma..! I met this chick at work, she is very good looking and we flirt all the time. But she has a boyfriend!  He drives a killer truck and he is 22 and I’m 19. Recently we have been flirting and talking more then ever. But a co-worker went up to her and said that i really like her and that she should stop sending me the wrong signals since she has a boyfriend. So she comes up to me and tells me that flirting is just part of her personality and that she has a boyfriend that she plans on being with for a while. But it just doesn’t add up… when im around her i get a totally different vibe…everybody around me tells me that they can tell she wants me. Plus i already have her number THANKS TO YOU!!!! but how do i get past the mature rich boyfriend. Or boyfriends in general!! im stumped on how to retaliate Please help me find out what she wants, and how to send the boyfriend packin!  i am so stuck on this chick that i even find myself being depressed after that day…  HELP ME!!!

 

your loyal fan.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

With all the women out there that don’t have boyfriends who drive trucks… and don’t work at the same place you do (which can only lead to problems in the long run), why are you spending your time pining away over this one?

 

I know, I know. She’s extra good-looking, and she’s funny, and blah blah blah.

 

Look, just be her friend, and keep teasing her.  She’s great target practice.

 

But do yourself a major favor, and go find a girl who doesn’t have a truck-owning boyfriend, and who doesn’t work with you.

 

Then, if the stars align in the future, she won’t have Truck Man anymore, and you won’t work at the same place, and she’ll be so attracted to you from all of the teasing that she’ll follow you around like a puppy.

 

Stop wasting your mental energy trying to get something that has a high risk of turning out very bad, and focus on finding opportunities that make more sense.

 

 

***QUESTION to DAVID DEANGELO***

 

Hi David,

 

I need some dating advice on approaching groups?  And what’s the best way to approach a group of girls?  I just moved to Vegas, and I’ve found that beautiful girls will frequently travel in groups of up to 8 girls or more.  What have you found works best for approaching groups?  Thanks!

 

S.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

The only reasons I can see for approaching a “Group” of 8 or more women are:

 

1) You have a bunch of friends, and you’re trying to hook them all up.

 

2) You really like challenges and entertaining people.

 

I know someone who loves to approach groups of people, and he’s great at it. He uses a combination of magic, humor, and other great techniques to charm everyone, then leaves with the girl of his choice.

 

But as far as I’m concerned, it’s not the group you’re after most of the time… it’s one woman in the group… so stop with the “GROUP-THINK”.

 

OK, 8 women walk into a club together (sounds like the beginning of a good joke). What happens over the next 2 hours?

 

Well, some of them peel off and dance, some go to the bar for a drink, some go to the lady’s room to powder their noses…

 

There are all kinds of opportunities to meet women when they’re not in the group of 8. And I’ll tell you what, if she is standing at the bar with her 7 friends and you start talking to her, the other 7 will go about their business and not care.

 

Just go get her email address. That’s all you need.

 

Or learn magic. Really.

 

 

***COMMENT FROM A WOMAN***

 

David:

 

As a female subscriber i’d like to admit to consciously falling for many of the techniques outlined in your newsletter. I’m a nineteen year old college girl and have been dating my boyfriend for four years. His occasional disinterest in me only makes me want him more. He doesn’t call or email me as often as i call him or think it necessary that we spend every weekend together and i know he has a life other than me (i find this terribly attractive). His body language or habit of “taking up space and leaning back” is irresistible and his cocky attitude has been making me hot for years. I want to tell your male subscribers not to lose the cocky/funny routine after they have found a girl they like; not just to keep her, but to attract other girls as well. i find it a huge turn on when i catch other girls checking out my guy.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

Ah, yes. Thanks for the comments. Next time do tell more about the whole “I find it a huge turn on when I catch other girls checking out my guy” thing.

 

 

***QUESTION for DAVID DEANGELO***

 

Hi David,

 

I have a question for you. Does the techniques you use in your book work on women of all races? I am African – American.

 

Thanks,

 

GB

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

I get literally hundreds of emails a week from all over the world telling success stories, so my guess is that “yes, they do”…

 

And as a matter of fact, I’d like to thank all my readers from every corner of the planet for staying tuned, and for sending in your questions and stories.

 

Often, the person sending the story doesn’t speak or write English very well, and I don’t speak their language, so I don’t include them in these Mailbags… but I try to respond personally when I can.

 

My answer to you is: Try it. I think these principals are universal when it comes to women.

Just take your local customs, traditions, and benchmarks of proper behavior, as cultures differ… and I know that our culture in America is different than many of the cultures around the world.

 

 

***QUESTION to DAVID DEANGELO***

 

David, I just wanted to give your book a plug to all the men out there who are currently involved in a long-term relationship and want to spice things up. Using the techniques and dating tips described in your Double Your Dating eBook I completely turned around a 10 year relationship that had gone stale. We went from having sex 2-3 times a day in the first 6 months of the relationship to once or twice a MONTH in the last couple of years. After reading your book, I began the whole cocky funnyroutine on my wife and stopped giving in to every little whim she had and…BAM! Just like that she was attracted again.

 

She tried to pretend that she didn’t like the cockiness, but her actions showed how she really felt about it. We’re now back to 2-3 times a week and I’m loving life. Thanks buddy for a great education.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

Can I just tell you how much I love getting emails like this one? Hats off to you.

 

 

***QUESTION***

 

I just wanted to say I LOVE YOU MAN! for emphasizing the COCKY FUNNY philosophy. I’ve recently tried out this internet dating thing and man I’m telling you that I turned up the volume to the max on being “cocky and funny” towards the cutest chicks on the web. Let me tell you man that my profile reads like a dickhead who can be hilarious at the same time wrote this stuff. I LOVE it!

This is a selection from the David DeAngelo Mailbag, responses to fans of his product about the “wuss-man”

David “The Man”–

 

First of all, your Advanced CD Series is THE most definitive exhaustive resource on dating ever written.  It boggles my mind that nobody ever figured this stuff out before.  You are the research scientist that broke the mold of all that bookstore fluff, the Darwin of Dating Tips.

 

I can now approach and get the email of a woman who would have made me shake in my boots just a few months ago.  My most recent success was a girl I dated who I turned up the Cocky Comedy to the max, but my old inner wussy made a brief appearance and that was that.  Oh well.  “Next!”  I’ll get better and better.

 

I have improved quite a bit, but I’m looking for some guy friends as you suggest.  However, I’m having a problem finding guys who are good with women.  I’m not seeing them.  All I see everywhere I go are wusses.  Any advice?

I’ve also thought about finding friends who are students of yours so we can get together for team efforts.  Any suggestions here?

 

Thanks again for the incredible impact you’ve had on my life.

 

J.

 

DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

 

Yeah, I have one thought for you…

This “Everywhere I go all I see is wusses” thing can be a challenge.  I shake my head almost every single time I go out, because I think we’re in the middle of a WUSS EPIDEMIC in this country.

Keep looking.  It’s worth it.

 

If you have to, ask friends and associates at work if they know any guys who are really good with women and dating.  And remember, be cool.  Guys who are good with girls often like to help other guys learn.  But don’t be a boat anchor around his neck…

If you do your homework and find some guys who can help you, it will REALLY pay off.

 

---

David-

 

Wussup Man?  Well I’m not gonna waste your time or mine telling you about how great your teaching and knowledge is, because we both already know what’s up!  I’m a 19 yr old who has downloaded your eBook and I’ve read about the last 20+ emails…I’m learning a lot.  But I’m not where I want to be yet.

 

Well here is what happened.  I had lady friend of mine over to the house the other night.  Now we have been friends for a little while now and I have tried in the past to pursue this woman but like a lot of males in the world…  I would always turn wussy on her.  This women is about 5’nothing’, with a beautiful mind and a beautiful body, (she is an 8 or 9 on my scale, and I’m picky.)  *the radio is ON* we haven’t talked in a while so we caught up on each others lives…had some laughs with the cocky/funny attitude and I even fixed dinner!  Well I told her before I made dinner that when we finished eating she owed me a 30 min. massage.  She said okay.  Now, we get done eating and she tells me to dim the lights and lay down.  She tells me she is going’ to wash her hands and never comes back…  SHE LEFT!!!!!!! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!

 

JF from Texas

 

DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

 

What happened?  You went and spanked your chicken with reckless abandon?  You cried yourself to sleep?  lol…  it’s probably horrible that I’m laughing at your misery, but hey, these things happen.  Don’t worry about it, man.

 

Next time, try making something other than “Hamburger Helper” with rainbow popsicles for dessert.  I think you’re gonna live.  The problem is that you acted like a WUSSY for so long, that the thought of you being anything more than a friend made her RUN all the way home.

 

You created your own problem, by trying to make a girl who was convinced that you were a Wuss into something more than a friend.  It’s not easy.

 

 

---

 

Today I met an ex-girlfriend (and now good friend and occasional date) for lunch at an Indian buffet.  This is a woman who has commented in the past that she didn’t like my cocky side (either I wasn’t doing it right, or she was lying), so I was looking for a good opportunity to segue into a Cocky & Funny routine and see how it affected her.  At one point she complained that the bread was cold, and that I should go get some fresh stuff…

 

ME: What’s in it for me?  (unoriginal line)

HER:  I’ll stay and finish lunch at your table.  Otherwise, I’ll go get the bread and sit over

there by myself.  (great answer!)

ME: Well, that’d be embarrassing.

HER: Yup.

ME: Everyone in

the restaurant would think that you had to move because you’ve got real bad gas.

 

And it went from there.  You could see her eyes getting brighter throughout the conversation, and it ended with:

 

HER: Wow, you’re feisty today…

ME: Yeah, so…?

HER: So, it’s really…  attractive.

ME (laughing):  Boy, you’re easy today…

 

That’s a confession straight from the source:  feisty = attractive.  And she went on to

demonstrate her attraction after lunch in an unusually aggressive manner.  I think everything you’re saying is capital-T Truth, brother.

 

You know, people assume that Kissinger was talking about political power being the ultimate aphrodisiac, but I think there are many nuances to the word “power”, and you don’t have to be a senator or CEO to exploit it.

 

Interesting aside: I was discussing this with an insightful female friend, and she agreed with everything you say, and added that women don’t want to be our mothers…  and if we treat them like we treat our mothers (i.e., act like a wuss), what does that say?

 

C.K.

 

DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

 

Amen, brother.  Amen.

 

Feisty, Sassy, Cheeky, Ballsy…  = ATTRACTION.

 

 

---

 

hey Dave-

 

Let’s get to the chase.  2 things (first the success story)..  I met this single girl who was getting off work…yelled out “HEY!” and she came over to me..  I started talking about anything and everything to get/keep her attention…busting on her and using my best pick up lines and all …she gave me her # after 20 minutes..

 

But I didn’t call.  then I ran into her again in the neighborhood but this time I did the same thing “what’s your # again?” and then finally I wrote it down and scored on the second meeting after coffee..  the stuff works bro

 

Now for the wuss part.  I meet this chick last summer who was in town for her job assignment that lasted for 1 month.  She’s a real player.  We met again after the party (she called me and said hey I’m coming over) and within 30 minutes she was in my bed in her bra/panties BUT I didn’t do anything because she was complaining about how guys are such dogs.  so I didn’t do anything for the next 5 meetings.  She said “I’m glad you never did anything because we still wouldn’t be talking if u did”.

 

Anyway, last time we meet she invites me AND 4 other single guys for dinner.  she sits on their laps (just like she did with me) to make me jealous.  we have kept in touch for 5 months and next month she’ll be back for a 2 week visit.  I have heard she’s talking to 5 other guys in town besides me.

 

Whenever I confront her on the phone about these guys she says “nooo! I’m not! and I’ve never slept with any of them so ignore the rumors! who do you believe them or me??!” she called me 1 month ago and let my phone ring once, and then when I called her back it was a guys voice (she moved in with her “friend” from high school)

 

My question is: I told her how I felt about her and she already said she just wants to be friends because she travels around a lot.  she’ll be staying with 1 or 2 of these guys she’s talking to when she comes back and will try to make me sooo jealous I know it.  She called me last week and actually asked me for one of these guy’s numbers.  I got angry and hung up on her (something I would never have done before) and then she called me back and actually seems a lot more interested.

 

Then I called her yesterday from work and told her that a stripper approached me at a bar and asked me out and then this girl said “oh well why don’t you go out with her then?” but then said “OH by the way I’m coming back on APRIL 21st”..  I want to beat her at her own damn game!  but I already gave her so much power.  I wish I could just take it all back and make her feel the same way.

 

HOW DO I HANDLE THIS GIRL:???  SHES DRIVING ME NUTS!!!

 

CJ

 

Houston, TX

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

 

Wow, this is actually a very powerful story.

 

First, she intimidated you by telling you that “guys are dogs”…  which caused you to not try to take things to a physical level.

 

When you did that, YOU FAILED THE FIRST TEST.

 

She intimidated you with her words!

 

Then, the more you pursued her without progressing, the more she tested you.  Until she finally started INSULTING you…right in front of a bunch of other guys!

 

By the way, when you mentioned that after you hung up on her she seemed a lot more interested…it’s probably true.  Look, man….  BAIL!  Drop it.  Hit the road.  You screwed up in the beginning by handing over control of the relationship to her, and it’s not worth the trouble or hassle to try to take it back.

 

She’s probably the type of girl that LOVES to play guys and make them chase her…  and who enjoys seeing how much a guy will do to get her…only to leave after he does all he can.

 

Move on.

 

But remember the lesson.  Steer clear of women like this in the future.

 

Note: If you’ve read this story, and you can IDENTIFY with this guy who wrote it…  and you know what it feels like to want a woman, but be completely OUT OF CONTROL of the situation…  then I recommend that you work on your INNER GAME as much as possible.  Self Image and Self Esteem are keys in this area, as they help you pass these “tests” that women throw at you…  and they help you raise your standards, and avoid unhealthy women.

 

***QUESTION***  On Being a “Nice Guy”

 

Here’s a Q for you…I haven’t ordered your CD’s yet or the online eBook, but I’ve been reading your emails and taking in the info slowly, but I’ll definitely do so soon.

 

On the ideas about being generous….It has always in my nature to be generous of myself unconditionally with most people I like, but I don’t give away my life just for attention or to “buy” people’s friendship, and certainly for a woman’s attention, I have always known that just doesn’t work.  I come from a family in which it is natural for us to be generous as a matter of good form, but never beyond the means available.  It’s a cultural trait I guess.  Being tight and always expecting a reward for everything is neurotic anyways.  Problem is between women and I –  I have no problem with doing a small favor for a woman just out of what I feel is just decency.  But I don’t expect to immediately jump in the sack with her.  It’s a paradox for me.  Like going to a club and buying some woman a drink, but not expecting anything in return except having a good time and just getting along.  Maybe it’s a good way to sort out the user/flaky types from the cool and normal types, doing a small favor and seeing how they react.

 

I’ve had good results from controlling how much I will give, and sometimes throwing in some humor like this “O.K.  one drink ( sly grin he re) but if you start stumbling around I’m not paying your cab fare home!”, This always gets a laugh and loosens up the woman, and keeps me in control (I think) without seeming that I’m a sucker or trying to buy her attention.  What is your view on this kind of thing?  Oh, another thing I’ll do is _not_ get clingy if I do something like that…in fact I’ve found that if I just walk away and find something to do for a few minutes( talk to a friend or even go to the bathroom or whatever that) right after doing a small favor, and allowing some “breathing space”, that the next time around they get at ease and usually a good conversation usual starts leading to and exchange of digits.  Do you think I’m on the right track?  or is it too “friendly” (read doomed wuss)?

 

Thanks C.M.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

 

This is a great question.

 

I think that most of us REALLY want to be “good” to women…  we want to do nice things, treat women well, and “take care” of them.  I can understand your generosity mindset, and I actually admire you for having an “abundance” mentality.

 

But I’m going to present you with another way of looking at things…  one that might really help you.  What if you thought of “generosity” a little differently?  What if you were to realize that being “generous” with a woman sometimes means to ACT like you’re being NOT generous at all?

 

What if you were to see that if you were too “generous” at first, that a woman would SUSPECT that you were only being generous to MANIPULATE her?

 

It’s not you.

 

It’s that women are so used to men trying to do things for them in order to get attention and sex in return that they:

 

1) See this kind of generosity as “average” and expected behavior…  and immediately slot you into the “regular, nice guy” category when you do it.

 

2) Often see generosity as a form of manipulation, whereby a man uses gifts and dinners to set up a situation where the women feels that she needs to “put out” in return.  Turn the tables a bit, mention some great online dating sites that you have joined, and make her a little jealous!

 

Lean back.

 

Be generous LATER, when it will be perceived to be more authentic and special.  It sounds to me like you’re a genuinely good guy.  The challenge is getting a woman’s attention for long enough that you can actually SHOW her this side of you, and have it not come across as “ass kissing” behavior.