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Are You AFRAID Of Women? How to Increase Your Masculinity

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This is a guest excerpt from David DeAngelo of Double Your Dating.

What prevents men from being successful with women? Well, the list goes on and on… but one of the elements that TOPS the list is FEAR. FEAR is also known – to women – as a lack of masculinity.

There are many different situations that make men feel fear, but I’d like to talk about some of the most common ones… and what to do about them.

First of all, I’d like you to be honest for a moment about this topic.

Do you ever feel FEAR when it comes to women and dating?

Have you ever seen a woman that you’d really like to meet, but you started to feel fear and didn’t do anything about it?

Or maybe you were on a date and you wanted to kiss a woman… but you felt too afraid because you didn’t want to make a mistake and screw up your chances?

Or maybe you even got a woman’s phone number, but you were too afraid to call back because you didn’t know how to start off the conversation or ask her out?

Cummon, seriously…

Have you ever been sitting there with the phone in your hand, dialing a woman’s number, but you had to hang up because you were just too nervous to even talk to her…?

Or out on a date with a woman, and you wanted to kiss her, but you got so nervous at the thought that you just decided it would be better to forget the whole idea and hope for the best…?

Me too. Many times, in fact. By the way, it’s not exactly FUN to admit that you’re afraid of things. I’m sure you know that most guys would rather admit in public that they were unsure about their sexual orientation than that they were afraid of women.

Of course, this unwillingness to admit that you have a problem IN THE FIRST PLACE only makes matters worse…and it is certainly notmasculine or mature. If you don’t admit that you have the problem, then it’s hard to get help and answers to it.

Well, the good news is that you’re not alone. Almost every guy I’ve known (including myself) has dealt with this issue MANY TIMES with women.

So, STEP 1 is to GET OVER IT. Get over your need to deny that you’re afraid. Just admit that you’re afraid, and come to grips with the fact that you’re human…

STEP 2 is to admit that you’d like to get this particular area of your life handled.

STEP 3 is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Once you realize that it’s not that big of a deal, then the improvement can start. On the other hand, if you just stay in denial about it, you’ll probably just look for new tricks and techniques to use on women… which, of course, won’t lead to any REAL improvement.

By the way, if you’ve got more than the “average” amount of fear around meeting women, you might want to take a minute and look at THIS (David Deangelo’s Double Your Dating Program) before you read on.

I personally think that one of the biggest causes of fear when it comes to situations with women is:

PUTTING TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE ON WHAT THE WOMAN THINKS OF YOU AND WHAT HAPPENS IN THAT PARTICULAR SITUATION.

To put it in different words, most guys don’t take action because they’re afraid that they’ll screw up, or that the woman or others around will judge them.

The REAL problem though is that this whole process has become AUTOMATIC, and it happens INSTANTLY the moment most guys see a woman that they’d like to meet. Before they even have a chance to think about the situation rationally, they’ve become nervous, insecure, and upset.

I’m sure you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

As humans, we have these incredible minds and bodies, but sometimes they get wired up in ways that aren’t exactly useful for the situations that we find ourselves in. Worse, sometimes our cultures, families, or peer groups teach us ways of thinking that just aren’t useful at all for what we’d like to accomplish.  Its like the Alpha Males get neutered before they are even born.

Here’s something that I realized a few years ago when I was learning for myself how to be successful with women…

I thought about this idea that I was having this instant, automatic fear in different situations with women, and that what I was really thinking was “I don’t want to screw this up” and “I don’t want her to think that I’m a dork”…

And all of a sudden something dawned on me:

IT DOESN’T MATTER.

It doesn’t matter what happens, and it doesn’t matter what she thinks of me.

I realized that the fears I was experiencing were more from PROGRAMMING than from reality.

So, I started to remind myself as often as possible that the fear wasn’t happening because there was any kind of danger… and that my objective in a particular situation wasn’t to have it turn out perfect, IT WAS TO LEARN.

Think about the difference between doing something because it’s important vs. doing something in order to LEARN. So, for instance, if I saw a woman that I wanted to meet… instead of thinking, “OK, I have to say something charming and original so she’ll like me… and if I screw up I’m going to be embarrassed” – I began to think things like, “I’m going to learn how to get a woman’s phone number within a few minutes of meeting her… and part of learning this is going to be trying a lot of different things that probably aren’t going to work… but in the end, it’s all going to even out because I’m going to have the SKILL that I want.”

See the difference?

Well, let me tell you, that change in attitude made a HUGE impact on my success. I was willing to do and try things that I never would have tried in the past for fear of screwing up…

All because I had the attitude of “I’m going to learn something from this and improve my skills… and it doesn’t matter what happens in THIS PARTICULAR situation”, I was able to improve very rapidly.

And the more I began to apply this idea, the more success I had in ALL areas with women… from the first meeting, to getting them to go out with me, to taking things to a physical level.

So do this:

Go out RIGHT NOW and start a conversation with a woman.

I don’t care if she’s attractive or not.

But instead of having the objective of getting a date, have the objective of LEARNING SOMETHING.

In fact, if you REALLY want to improve fast, go spend a day starting conversations with women, but make the commitment to NOT get any phone numbers or dates all day.

In other words, no matter WHAT happens, you can’t date any of the women that you meet that day.

See if you can just learn how to do a few simple things like say, “Hi” to every woman that walks by… how to maintain eye contact with women until THEY look away… and how to end a conversation “too soon” so she feels a natural vacuum and tries to keep it going herself…

That’s one good idea for dealing with your fears.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.
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Copyright 2008 David DeAngelo Marketing Inc. David DeAngelo and Double Your Dating are trademarks.

A Woman’s Perspective On David DeAngelo

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Dating Advice for Men from an Attractive Woman’s Perspective – Does David DeAngelo have it right?

David DeAngelo of Double Your Dating may be many things – some say he is pompous and condescending to women, some say he is nothing better than a pick up artist.  But one thing I know, from an attractive woman’s perspective, is some of the things he tells his male readers is SPOT ON RIGHT.

As women, we may not appreciate the way he tells men how to pick us up and get our phone number within a few minutes, and even how to use a set of rules in order to elevate attraction.  BUT – the bottom line is, it works.  And let me tell you why.

First of all, David DeAngelo of Double Your Dating tells his male readers that attraction is not a choice – and he tells them how to make themselves more attractive to women.  As a woman, you know what?  I appreciate this!  I WANT men to learn how to be more attractive to me, how to treat me so that they don’t look like a wussy little girl and how to treat me so that I am actually interested in them.  Cocky Comedy, I have heard many women say, is just a big game to men.  But I, personally, like it.  I like a man to be witty, playful and come at me with a little bit of fun and a good and interesting conversation.  I don’t mind if a guy comes up to me and pokes a little fun at my shoes or purse to get conversation going – I am much more likely to respond to a man that can make me laugh than one who comes up to me and tells me how breathtakingly gorgeous I am and turns to a rug under my feet.  No thanks.

David DeAngelo is trying to show men how to act like men in order to get a girl.  I have encountered countless men in my life who I thought, from looking at them, might be a great, fun guy.  And then I start talking to them and all they do is fall over themselves trying to impress me and ingratiate themselves to me, and to me, that is totally UN-manly behavior.  Men are suppose to be strong, not lap-dogs.  Men are supposed to be the alpha, not yipping at my heels to get me to notice them.  I DON’T LIKE THAT.

So guys – if you are reading this – keep it up.  David DeAngelo of Double Your Dating IS telling you what works.  Be strong, witty and be the alpha.  David D does NOT encourage you to use women as sex toys or to be cruel with your cocky comedy – but he does encourage you to use your wit and intelligence to engage in fun conversation and to amp up the attraction.  Go for it!  As a woman, I appreciate this, and I think it is always fun and engaging to meet a guy who knows how to use cocky Comedy and how to encourage attraction from the get-go.  Don’t buy me a drink.  Engage my mind and get to the root of attraction.  The drink buying and the flowers of course, can come later in the relationship – but in the beginning, if you want my attention, don’t beg me for it.

All the Best,

Sarah Michaels

**Sarah is a well known women’s dating advice expert and an occasional guest writer for You Can Get The Girl**

Reading List And Other Recommended Books!

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Here is a collection of some of my top books for reading about seduction, and working to achieving with picking up and meeting women.

I’d like to write my own reviews of each of them and describe why they are some of my favourites, but I’ll have to get to that later… for now, I suggest you head on over to Amazon to read some of the good reviews on there.

If you do need one book to really understand what is possible through some of the systems I promote on this site, I suggest no matter what, pick up a copy of The Game.  It’s a pretty famous book for blowing the lid off of what some professional pickup artists have been doing for years.

Good luck!

Attracting Women – The Big 4

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Several years ago I knew a woman who had a very real problem. She couldn’t get past the second or third date with a guy without him showing up for the fourth date with a ring. Essentially, every single guy she agreed to go on a date with-pretty much without exception-fell in love, fell hard, and knew very quickly that he’d be foolish to let this woman go. So this was a rare woman indeed. And guys sensed it. They all WANTED to marry her. No “freedom loss” or “cutting their nuts off”. They DESIRED a committed relationship with this woman…and FAST.

She was beautiful, talented, fun to be around, earned a multiple six-figure income, and was of impeccable character. She seemed 21 though her chronological age was 35. And she was also humble and utterly blind to social pretense. In her mind, all she was ever doing on dates was being her smiling, affable self.

But begrudgingly, she knew she had to do what she had to do. So she did what I refer to as “Charm Throttling”. Seriously, she began to ratchet back the “shock and awe” of her overall sharpness a few notches when she started dating a guy.

Now, by no means did she change who she was at her core. Not at all. Rather, she simply held a few of the more impressive cards in her deck in reserve for a while.

When you find yourself face to face with a woman of fantastically exceptional quality, you may very well find that she behaves toward you in a similar manner. So “heads up”, there.

But I have a better reason for bringing all this up. And that is that I fully expect YOU to have to learn this lesson for yourself in the very near future, because it’s not exactly a gender specific one. You may even need to figure it out RIGHT NOW, yet you don’t even realize it yet.

Here’s the deal. Granted, the vast majority of guys out there will spend their entire lives begging for a date with even mediocre women. Of the minority that remain, most will be thrilled to end up with a great woman…ANY great woman. But just like the woman I just told you about was a rare, exquisite gem amongst a sea of women who wonder why their boyfriends (if any) hang around for years without marrying them, you have the ability to be an AMAZING MAN who stops even the sharpest women dead in their tracks.

Women actively COMPETE to WIN guys like that. And you guessed it: Those are the guys who have TOTAL CONTROL over their dating lives.

I know what you’re saying. “Scot, that’s got to be fewer than 1% of all guys.” Granted. But also remember that over 99% of all guys are too bullheaded to ask for directions. And even when guys DO ask for directions when getting better with women, they end up learning how to “pickup” strippers or something.

So simply by being here, I’d say your odds are pretty good. By even THINKING about the goal of attracting and building relationships with the world’s sharpest women, you could be in the top 1% of that 1%. And no…that’s not an overstatement.

I can count on one hand the number of men I have known in my social circle who intentionalized great success with women as such. But I know multi-millionaires, professional athletes, charismatic personalities and even really nice guys who “settled”.

So once again I’m going to appeal to your sense of ambition and greatness. I want you to BELIEVE you are capable AND ready to attract the highest quality women on Earth. And when you start putting into practice the “Big Four” I’m so fond of harping on (confidence, ability to inspire confidence, character and masculinity) you will indeed start seeing phenomenal occurrences on first and second dates. Some would call it supernatural, even.

As a man you LEAD. And women are naturally hard-wired to FOLLOW that LEAD. So the magnitude of the effect you cast upon any woman who agrees to go out on a date with you could in fact be EXPONENTIALLY greater than any amount of charm my female friend was able to enrapture guys with.

Remember, if a woman is out on a date with you, she already found you attractive. AND…you’ve got to bear in mind that who you are at your INNER CORE is what really grabs a woman by the heartstrings. So WHO YOU ARE on those first few dates is going to MAKE OR BREAK THAT.

What happens if you are “Mr. Nice Guy”, desperate, a “kiss up”, a weak decision maker, a lousy kisser (if able to pull the trigger at all), boring and/or downright creepy? Your stock plummets, that’s what. And don’t ask how many decent looking, athletic, “GQ” looking dudes I know who have women smile at them all the time…but can’t EVER move things to the second date.

But when you are a “Big Four” man, you certainly enjoy a near 100% probability that first dates will naturally turn into second dates and third dates, etc…for as long as you care to extend things. We’ve talked before about how to give a WOMAN the “JBF Talk. Get used to that.

But here’s something you’re also going to have to think about. Is it really fair to bring your “big guns” on a first date and charm a woman literally into submission? I think some of us build up our skills with women then fine-tune them to a point where we literally don’t know the power of our presence. This is a stage of development toward mastery with women that I’ve never, ever heard any other dating or seduction teacher talk about. Perhaps because it’s the “final frontier” of sorts. Could it be that the crowning achievement of being excellent with women is understanding the concept of “Charm Throttling”?

No matter what your answer to that question is, one thing’s for sure: WITHOUT IT, you are not a “master” just yet. Why? Because a “Big Four” man who unleashes the full power of his presence is bringing a bazooka to a knife fight every time he shows up for a date with a woman. Make that a NUCLEAR WEAPON. Sure, your goal is to knock a woman’s socks off. So you have your style and grooming down and you respect women even as you lead effectively.

But what happens when you can pull that off while making a woman laugh, AND while making her feel like a REAL WOMAN in your presence…all the while inspiring that warm-fuzzy “safe” feeling whenever she is around you? Well, then you have a BIG PROBLEM, pardner. That’s when you’re going to have EVERY WOMAN you go on a first date with FALLING IN LOVE with you…FAST.

Face it, and take it like a man. If you represent the “Big Four”, you represent what WOMEN WANT. And almost ZERO PERCENT of all guys can get that right. Notice I haven’t even mentioned good looks, a great education, a heavy-duty bank account or…God forbid…musical talent just yet.

Whatever you pile on to the “Big Four” is just fuel for the fire here. You can-and will-enthrall women like a “one percenter” on the “Big Four” alone.

So what’s a guy at the zenith of masculine attractiveness supposed to do? Well, like my female friend did on her dates…you’ve got to RATCHET IT BACK. If you find women are starting to SERIOUSLY try to lock you down FAST, let that be a CLEAR sign. It’s a sign that you have become ATTRACTIVE to even the sharpest women. Moreover, it’s a blatant indicator that you have COMPLETE CONTROL over your dating life. And that means, of course, that you just can’t drive that Ferrari with the pedal to the metal all the time. REALIZE that your charm will ensnare women. And back off.

Be JUST A BIT colder. JUST A BIT more reserved. HOLD BACK on the truly impressive answers you could give to her basic questions. If you feel her falling fast, DO NOT give her that ridiculous “sky is falling” kiss that will melt her in to a pool of mush. It’s just NOT FAIR to do that. Once a woman feels comfortable in your presence and her femininity has been ignited, she will want to give herself to you sexually. And once that happens under these circumstances, she’s likely got wedding bells chiming in her head. You know about “for whom the bell tolls”, right? Welcome to how even the sharpest of the sharp guys out there end up “settling”. If the woman you’re dealing with happens to have a strong personality and can “game” you like none other, plan on the Mother Of All Guilt Trips aimed squarely at keeping you roped in.

What’s the ultimate solution here? You’ve GOT to keep some if not MOST of your natural, masculine charm in reserve, and hold it for the woman you WANT to fall in love with you. Otherwise, you’re flat-out not going to be able to date multiple women effectively. Having to JBF them all after two dates because they “fell in love with you” already is decidedly NOT effective.

Remember, YOU are in charge. This means YOU should be able to manage your relationships well enough to be able to evaluate the long-term potential of the women in your life on YOUR terms.

Importantly, can you see the difference between “Charm Throttling” and being someone you’re not? We’re not talking about artificially becoming some sort of jerk, or feigning a type of weakness so as to give women pause. Not at all. Those are ridiculous ideas. Rather, this is about RESERVE. This is about opening the window of who you are JUST A BIT at a time for her. You remain AUTHENTIC and CONGRUENT to your true, ridiculously sharp self. But you have some respect for the women you are just meeting.

Now look, if you meet a woman and she can clearly handle the full impact of who you are without letting you steal her heart in two dates, then you’ve likely met your match there. That woman is NOT who I’m writing to you about today. That said, don’t be fooled by “cool girls” who seem oblivious on the outside. They can fall just as hard underneath that witty, tough-talking exterior. Most of the time, you’re going to have to take the wisdom that comes from recognizing your power as a “Big Four” man on first dates and exercise caution…and RESERVE…when you first meet women.

Can you handle that? Perhaps the better question is, “Can you BELIEVE that handling that is even an ISSUE at this time?”

Do you refuse to “settle” and choose to deserve what you want instead? If so, you’ll enjoy Scot McKay’s refreshing approach to dating and seduction.

 

 

Dating Tips for Men

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Dating tips and dating advice – guys may not love to admit that they need help in the dating arena, but – as G.I. Joe always said on the Saturday morning cartoons of my childhood, “Knowing is half the battle!”

What most men do not realize is that dating advice is a different “fit” for every man and every situation. Some dating tips are great for meeting women online, some for approaching women, some for simply meeting women in groups – there are just so many different scenarios.

On this site, you will find all kinds of different dating tips for men, from different sources such as David Deangelo, Carlos Xuma, Scott McKay, Mystery and more (I keep adding every week, so stay tuned). If you are looking for things like pick up lines and advice on meeting women, try the Approaching Women section. If you are looking for tips on things like how to use different techniques like Cocky Comedy, check out David Deangelo’s Mailbag and Dating Tips for Men. If you want advice on how to dress, how to act and how to promote attraction, check out the Body Language section.  We also have a great section on HOW to meet women online.

So please, take a few minutes to brows through some of the articles, subscribe to a newsletter (or two) and hey, you don’t have to tell anyone! The ladies will just think you are a naturally attractive man, and your friends….well, they may start coming to you for their OWN dating tips and dating advice!