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Love in an Algorithm: Dating Datasets

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How Dating Sites Find You a Girlfriend

Online Dating Computer Key Showing Romance And Web LovePersonal encounters are great ways to find a girlfriend, but if you want to increase your odds with some additional help, you might look to dating sites.  Because a dating site is anonymous at gathering information (and automatic as far as your concerned), it can do it more quickly than you can.  For instance, in a personal encounter it can take some time just to find out the likes and dislikes of the girl you’re talking to.  You need to get the basics down before you decide if you even might like this girl.  The same goes for her too!

What dating sites do is cut down much of this initial information gathering and deciphering.  The information is provided by each member and the deciphering is done by what is called an algorithm.  Whilst algorithm’s don’t sound like a very romantic way of finding your true love, many online dating sites use the data they collect in a mathematical way in order to find you a suitable partner.

What is an algorithm?

Woman on couch with laptop computer

She will start imagining about you and her together. Put your best foot forward, but don’t present something that you can’t live up to.

It really is essentially a dressed up name for a step-by-step process that uses a series of calculations in order to solve a problem. An algorithm uses a set of ingredients in pretty much the same way that a recipe does, with the aim of using everything that you have available on the list in the right order and quantities as a way of baking that perfect cake.

When it comes to online dating, algorithm’s are used to sort out the data that has been input and using a series of complex filters and instructions, the program should provide the best match on their database with a person who is deemed to be highly compatible with you.

What you see is what you get?

Any software system is only as good as the information that it has to work with so anyone who is perhaps being economical with the truth in either their physical description or perhaps their likes and dislikes together with their chosen leisure pursuits, will be matched with someone who probably does have those genuine physical traits and interests, all of which will quickly become apparent if you both end up meeting in the flesh. To get the best out of a dating site that uses algorithm’s to create the perfect match, you just have to be honest with your answers in the first place, and then the computer can get to work using genuine data.

Why all the questions?

If you assume that hopefully everyone that signs up to a dating site is going to supply honest answers then the questions that you get asked are designed to filter out a lot of mismatches, the problem is that you generally need to ask a lot of questions in order to get a truly accurate set of results. We humans are a pretty complex species and you really do need to ask what seems like an endless stream of questions in order to get a worthwhile response.

What is the right answer to give?

Even if you are fundamentally trying to give an honest answer to any question that you are being asked by the dating site, many of us still choose to provide an aspirational answer that has a hint of honesty attached to it. It is fine to create an idealized version of ourselves but the issue is that it then tends to produce a skewed profile as a result. On a more basic level, when we set up a Facebook profile we tend to list things such as our favorite music, books we have read or films we like, all of which give an insight into the type of person that we may be in an easy to digest snapshot, whereas a dating site uses an algorithm to delve a bit deeper and try to add a bit more substance to the answers that we give them.

Do the algorithm’s work?

Couple Sitting Together

After getting to know each other by internet, there is nothing like meeting in person!

As a way of eliminating some obvious non-starters and getting your list of potentially suitable partners then most of the systems in use seem to have a reasonable degree of success, after you have had some initial dialogue over the internet, and reached a comfort level that you want to meet this girl – after all that’s what it is all about! – then there is there is no substitute for meeting someone face to face.  Personal chemistry and good old fashioned intuition are a couple of things that the computer finds hard to get a handle on, no matter how many questions that they ask.

Krista Joseph is a sex therapist and avid blogger. She enjoys keeping up with the latest sex products that help couples enjoy a happy sex life. Visit Simply Pleasure for more ideas.

First Date – Communication Do’s and Don’ts

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How to Make The First Date Not Your Last

Miranda SantiagoAbout the Author: Miranda Santiago has a degree in Psychology from Boston College and is now a freelance writer who covers dating topics, specifically Latin dating. Apart from writing, Miranda enjoys windsurfing, playing the piano and cheering on her favorite baseball teams.

In today’s age, conversation is quickly becoming a lost art. So many of the things we do have become streamlined, automated, and move so fast that it is often impossible to have more than a two minute conversation with whomever we deal with in our day to day lives.

For example, compare a phone call to texting.  A phone conversation, although not face-to-face communication, is verbal, free flowing, and natural.  Whereas texting is quick, sporadic, and lacking in all the dynamics of oral communication.  Sure there is a place for texting – even in dating, but you can’t let it hinder your “in person” communication skills which a first date is totally dependent upon.

As such, it is no surprise to me that so many people complain of first-date-conversations that limp along like a wounded dog. Now, just because it happens doesn’t mean that it’s okay, and out of all of the women and men that I deal with on a regular basis, between one third and one half tell me that poor conversation (or awkward lack thereof) was a major contributor to the reason that they didn’t go on a second date. So how can you provide better conversation on a first date? Follow the Do’s and Don’ts.

Do Ask Open-Ended Question

One of the first rules to remember about any conversation is that open-ended questions will go ten times as far as closed questions. Essentially, this means that conversations are sparked from questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Not only will the open-ended question make conversation move much more fluidly, it will make the date seem more like an organic experience than a job interview. Think about it. How many dates have you gone on that have sounded like this:

“Do you like sushi?”

“Yes.”

“Me too.”

Insert awkward silence here while you think of the next thing to say. Keep the questions open-ended for a more enjoyable experience.

Do Respond With Detail

Couple in Love City Street

Communication is what first dates are all about. When you say “yes” or “no”, always say why. You can reverse this on your date by asking why when she only says, “yes” or “no”.

This is especially important if your date is not asking open-ended questions themselves. Even the smallest comment can be turned into a conversation if you provide detail in your answer, because conversations are essentially just a web of topics that are moved through fluidly. It doesn’t seem like it, but think about it:

“Do you like sushi?”

“Yes, actually I’m a huge fan of sushi. It’s so exotic, and I love exotic foods. That’s just sort of how I am, always up for trying something new…”

And the conversation flows on. A simple question about whether or not you like sushi can lead to talking about exotic food, which leads to talking about trying exotic things, which leads to talking about personal characteristics—a web of topics. Don’t be long-winded, but utilize the opportunity to drive the conversation and let your date know a little about you.

Do Listen

This is huge. You’re not asking open-ended questions just to watch your date’s mouth open and close, you’re asking them to learn about them and have a good time. I know this one sounds obvious, but I’ve dealt enough with the world of Latin dating as per my profession that I’ve seen this more than you’d think. When you don’t listen to your date while you’re on the date, they don’t feel important and will stop talking altogether—a sure sign of a failed date.

Don’t Use Cheesy Lines

Man with flirting cocky attitude

Pull back on being “too cool for your own good.” This isn’t a TV pick-up show you’re in. Natural, relaxed, and “in touch communication” works best!

If there’s anything that makes a date unnatural and awkward, it’s when people force unnatural and not-cute pickup lines on their date. These are usually the types that have watched too many romantic comedies and think that they equate to real life. Don’t fall into this trap, and keep the conversation natural. Compliments can be as simple as “I really like your dress,” or “I’m having a great time”, and are much more effective this way.

Don’t Touch Taboo Topics

This one should speak for itself. Politics, religion, and ex-lovers are the three no-no’s of any first date. Maybe on a later date these topics will come up, but patience is the name of the game when it comes to dating.

Don’t Complain

This is one of those things that too many people do. Sure, you may have had a bad day, but the person that you just met sitting across from you doesn’t need to hear you complain about it for an hour. Even if they seem comfortable with it, you may still be shooting yourself in the foot, as the negative atmosphere that you create can affect your date in subliminal ways.

A first date is like a “first impression.”  You only have one chance, so use these tips to help make your first date – not your last!  More Dating Tips

 

Dating Tips | Dating Advice for Men

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The  David Deangelo Mailbag!

3 Tips For Being Cocky & Funny With Women

Cocky Funny guy with two girls

By David Deangelo

One of the most powerful things I’ve ever discovered is that women respond incredibly well to the combination of play-arrogance plus good humor… mixed together into what I call “Cocky & Funny”. If you’d like to learn the way to use it to create attraction, then go read this:

The REAL Secret Of Attraction” How would you like to attract any woman you want?

***DATING QUESTION FROM READER***

Your E-book has made my dating life a complete Cinderella story. The reality that I live in now would just be unimaginable to myself in the mind set I held over a year ago. In high school, I was your typical acne scarred, pasty, out of shape, dungeons and dragons-type shy loser. When I started college, however, I became so determined and focused on doing WHATEVER it takes to completely turn my life around, that things started to change faster than I could imagine. I started working out, eating right, and I started listening to Anthony Robbins and Brian Tracy audio tapes to sort of build a base on which I could set my goals in life and reprogram all the garbage and limiting beliefs in my head. Invariably, I came upon my dating life and decided to do whatever it make myself as attractive as possible. at 19, I had never previously kissed a girl or even had the guts to ask one out.. was always the shy guy. But I was determined to be the biggest ladies man on campus, and with your help I’ve made this happen.

Of all the self-improvement type stuff I have invested in, I must say that your e-book and monthly series was definitely the best and most rewarding investment I have ever made. And coming from my position, this is a huge compliment. Some people don’t know what they are missing out on by not investing in your program.

Everything in life all comes down to a decision. If you think that you deserve great women, great relationships, and a better quality of life overall, then you owe it to yourself to try out David’s E-book, monthly series, and advanced series. If it doesn’t work after-all, he is giving you the chance to send it back! Hrmm.. maybe I should stop there.. i don’t want my competition to become too fierce.

And now comes a very important question which I don’t think has been addressed at all.. I think I’ve come to the point where I’ve mastered my “inner game”.. My body language is hypnotic and forceful, physically I’m in the best shape I could possibly be in, my presence around other people is very charismatic and domineering. My ease and complete comfort ability in being myself around women is just… I guess magnetic. I’m usually the life of the party when in a group situation. Of course, I’m not saying this to brag… All of these things I have worked on, just like any other skill… on to the question: do you think there is ever such a point where a person has to transcend the cocky and funny approach? I’m beginning to think that with all I’ve got going for me that if I lay on C&F too heavily I just become unapproachable to many women, and I’ve noticed now more than ever that EXTREMELY beautiful women do get very nervous around me especially with all the other characteristics I’ve come to master.

If you’re ever in Atlanta, drinks are on me Dave.

-D from Atlanta

David Deangelo‘s COMMENTS:

First of all, I want to congratulate you from taking your life from a place where you were 19 years old and had never kissed a girl… or even asked a girl out… to where you are taking good care of yourself, respecting your body, and doing the things you need to do to get where you want to go in life.

As you know, I get a lot of email from guys who need advice about situations with women, and it really amazes me how many of those guys haven’t taken the time to really get the BASICS handled…

I’m talking about the simple things like keeping yourself healthy, addressing your psychological issues… becoming an honest, authentic person… and all that self-help-ish stuff that most people think is kind of dorky…

This stuff is KEY to success with women.

There is a very interesting transformation that takes place when a guy gets his life together, and begins living the way he WANTS to live.

As your email communicates clearly, your new- found confidence is very closely related to your self-improvement program.

I hope this encourages others to do the same, and to realize that the rewards are so amazing that it’s worth it.

Let’s talk about your question…

You asked if there ever comes a time when you should “transcend” the Cocky & Funny approach…because women sometimes become nervous around you, etc.

Let me answer that with a few random points that come to mind, and then I’ll tie it all together with my general perspective…

1) You have cultivated a strong, confident, dominant body language and communication that has become what you might call “INNER COCKY”.  As a result, you don’t have to mix quite as much “Cocky” in the actual verbal conversations you’re having.

If you project too much of the INNER COCKY, while at the same time using overly-cocky WORDS as well, you might come off as INSECURE or even TOO ARROGANT.

Now I don’t say things like this very often, because most guys are so far from being “too cocky” that there’s almost NOTHING they could do to project even ENOUGH cocky.

2) There is a particular situation that comes up for guys who have a strong physical presence… or guys who are naturally very handsome…

If these guys are too cocky with women, many women get a first impression that is basically “You must be a jerk”.

Be careful. It might backfire on you.

3) If a woman is getting nervous around you, it does NOT mean that you’re doing something wrong.  Just think about how you used to feel when you were in the presence of a super-hot woman.

Most guys become EXTREMELY nervous in these types of situations… so much so that they’re actually IMMOBILIZED… and unable to act.

If a beautiful fashion model wrote in to me and told me that guys get nervous around her all the time… and then she asked if she should somehow “tone down” how she looks so guys wouldn’t become nervous, I’d respond to her and say “Hell no. You WANT guys to become nervous around you because it separates the REAL men from the WUSSIES…”.

In your case, these women are becoming nervous because THEY don’t know how to handle the situation… which is not a problem at all for you or for the ATTRACTION she’s feeling.

Look, you are becoming a POWERFUL MAN.

You are beginning to realize and cultivate some of the natural potential that you’ve always had inside… you just didn’t know how to get at it before.

Success and power often scare people, because with success and power comes responsibility.

You realize that you’re not a victim in your life anymore, and you begin to see how you can take control of almost every aspect of your life… and then you begin to see that people want to FOLLOW your lead because you have this power…

It is magnetic, as you mentioned.

To answer your question directly, and connect all of these things together, I think that you need to realize that Cocky & Funny can be thought of in a lot of ways…

It’s a concept, an idea. It’s a technique, with specific “comebacks” and “lines” for different funny situations. It’s a tool to use for creating Sexual Tension and Chemistry with women.

But, as far as I’m concerned, it’s FUN… it’s something that’s enjoyable for the man AND the woman.

And for most guys, it’s very natural (once you become comfortable with it).

I mean, if you like to think in terms of things being “transcended” in life, we could just say that you’re on the path to transcend everything, and the faster you can transcend your need to be with women, the better off you are…

…but, then again, that might be going a little too far… lol.

As I read your letter, I thought to myself:

“He needs to learn the Advanced material”…I think that you need to continue on your self- improvement track… and I think that you really should be dealing with a different issue.
Instead of focusing on one technique, I think you need to be learning more about this particular area of your life… and I think you need to be focusing on figuring out how YOU want to do it.

If you’d like to get yourself an AMAZING education and training in this area that I call “Cocky & Funny”, then you need to get your hot hands on my Cocky Comedy DVD/CD program.

Not only will you learn how and why we LAUGH (hint: it’s not why you think), but you’ll also learn literally DOZENS of different ways to use Cocky Comedy to create ATTRACTION with women.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,
David Deangelo

Why Online Is The New Dating

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Bryant Park, late Apr 2009 - 21Everything we do now takes place online, from work and study to catching up with friends, so why not try your hand at looking for your new partner here too?

The internet is a great place for catching up with old pals, connecting with work colleagues, shopping and even finding a new job. So if we are using the web for all these other aspects of our lives, why don’t more of us use it to find love?

Unfortunately, over the years online dating has developed a stigma of being something people only do in desperation. Fortunately however, this stigma is now on its way out, with new online dating sites available to help people meet likeminded individuals without feeling they need to hide anything.

Why go online?

So many people choose to go online to look for love, simply because they don’t get the chance to go out and meet people physically. Lots of individuals spend their days tied to the desks of their office jobs, interacting either over the phone, by email, or simply with the few people who happen to sit in the desks around them, with little or no prospect of striking up a meaningful conversation, let alone finding love.

The new online dating

Dating sites have now evolved beyond the simple picture and profile you used to find online, instead taking getting to know people to a whole new and actually more natural level. For example, some dating sites provide events that allow singletons to mingle together and meet in a natural environment and chat face to face. These events will be held in local areas or be open to people within a specific age range and allow you to meet your prospective partner in person rather than via email or a webcam.

This level of dating means things can go much more naturally between the two parties. You can sit, have a drink and have a chat, much the same way you would if you met in a bar or park.

However, there is one unique difference in this method, you are both fully aware of the other’s intentions – so there is no game playing or second guessing. Essentially, it allows for a much more candid approach to life and love.

If online dating is something you have considered, try taking the leap. It is much more natural and is easy to meet someone than you might once have thought.

About the Author:

Ella Woods is interested in dating and relationships and writes articles on online dating. www.singlesolution.com was one of the site she visited to look for dates.

Cool, Fun & Interesting Date Ideas That Don’t Cost The Earth

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Friends holding handsThe New Year has passed and we know from the reported spike in sign-ups to dating websites that people start thinking about looking for love at this time of year. After all, Valentine’s Day will be rearing its perfumed head in one month’s time, an occasion when even the most confirmed singletons don’t like to feel alone. Of course you could use a quick payday loan or credit to cover any shortfalls and get something that’s a bit over budget for your sweetheart, but wining and dining can be expensive, and we’re all a bit strapped for cash at the moment, so where can you take a prospective partner on a date for less?

Romantic myth-busting

First of all, let’s debunk a few dating myths –lots of traditional dating destinations are neither value for money nor great places to get to know someone special. Eating out at a restaurant can present many food-related pitfalls, especially if first date nerves are getting to you. Nobody wants to encounter the nightmare of gracefully eating spaghetti or sipping red wine without splashing it on a freshly laundered shirt, whilst simultaneously trying to impress someone. Likewise, sitting in a darkened cinema, wearing an unbecoming pair of 3D specs, whilst the latest violent gore-fest blazes in front of you, is hardly conducive to good conversation.

Idyllic date ideas

The greatest free resource available to a dating couple is the open air. Even if you don’t live in the countryside, most towns and cities have green and leafy municipal parks, which may as well be made the most of. If you’re meeting up in the summer you could have a picnic. Decide beforehand which of you will bring the main course or dessert, and then use the opportunity to bring items which reveal something about your individual taste or personality. Afterwards you can burn of some of the calories with a romantic stroll. This dating approach could work equally well for the beach.

Old-fashioned fun

In fact, seaside resorts provide amazingly cost-effective date locations. With many beachfront activities, it’s more a case of using up spare change rather than splashing the cash. There are plenty of ways to indulge in some retro fun, from getting really competitive in amusement arcades to treating yourself to some candyfloss on the pier. Wander the warren of streets and you will find a treasure trove of inexpensive shops. The pair of you could bond over buying hilarious trinkets in novelty stores, or for something a little more upmarket, try on vintage clothing in second-hand, hipster boutiques. You could shower your prospective new partner with gifts, and barely have made a dent in your wallet.

City slickers

If you’re a resolute city dweller with an aversion to the elements, there are still lots of interesting indoor locations with free entry. Engage in a little intellectual stimulation by showing your date around your favourite museum or gallery. From history, to fashion, to modern art, whatever your area of interest, the exhibits and artefacts are ready-made conversation starters and also a great way to showcase your expansive knowledge. Moreover, if you’ve saved money by enjoying a free public resource, you can afford to eat out somewhere nice afterwards.

This brief list only represents the tip of the iceberg when it comes to creative and inexpensive dating locations, so if you want to create a memorable date on a budget, search online for the free hidden gems in your local area.

About The Author

Louise Jenkins writes on behalf of Community Payday. For more information on how to handle your immediate finances, click here.