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DATING TIPS MAILBAG: Cocky Comedy, Getting Numbers and More

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By David DeAngelo

Hey David Deangelo!

I was wondering if you could offer any wisdom on what you’ve gained from writing and responding to online personal ads. I’m not having a great deal of luck so far. Specifically, my questions are:

1. How brief should your descriptions of yourself and/or your ideal catch be? I’ve heard it said that “brevity is the soul of wit”, but you also want to be memorable, right?

2. When writing profiles, should you stick with Cocky Comedy techniques? I’ve noticed that humor often doesn’t translate well in written form, so I wasn’t sure how to go about all that.

3. I think I read in a previous newsletter that you recommend not posting a picture. At the same time, I tend to avoid ads without pictures due to having one too many blind dates which ended with me throwing a stick and shouting “fetch!” in order to distract her long enough to get away. Don’t you think that by committing a picture on your ad, women might pass you up for the same reason? Or am I mistaken?

An apprentice,
J.

>>>David Deangelo’s COMMENTS:

You’ve asked some questions that really require more of an in-depth treatment… but here are a few pointers that have taken me YEARS to figure out:

1) You’ll get more responses in general by replying to personal ads placed by women than you will by placing your own ad (Unless you’re a master of writing profiles).

2) If you’re going to use the personals, look at the new ads that are placed daily, and respond as soon as a woman places her ad. Attractive single women typically get 50-100 responses per DAY to personal ads, and it’s very easy to get overwhelmed. You’ll notice that a lot of women take their ads down after just a few days… this is why.

3) Be charming and funny (also known as COCKY and funny – using my Cocky Comedy techniques) in your replies (or in your ad, if you write your own). Say things like “I was looking through all these ads here on the internet thinking to myself “Look at all the poor, desperate, lonely women…” and then I saw your ad and thought to myself “Hey, here’s a poor, desperate, lonely woman that’s actually CUTE…” so I thought I’d write and see if you’re as interesting on the inside as you are in this picture…”

4) I mentioned in one of recent newsletters that I got an email from a guy who had his picture taken with some dolphins… and that he’s getting tons of responses from that. I’ve never done it myself, but it sounds like a great idea!

***QUESTION to DAVID DEANGELO***

Dave, love your book. I have learned more about women in the last two months than I knew in my lifetime. The teasing and using COCKY COMEDY really turns them on. I have known this girl for some time and we were mostly friends. Just lately she said to me “I love you R,” Is it ok for me to tell her I love her too or is it better to say nothing and just smile which I did so far.

R.

>>>DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

Take a cue from Han Solo…Say “I know”.

You might throw in a sly half-smile to let her know that you’re having fun after you say it.
As far as your question of “Is it OK to tell her that I love her too?” I can’t answer that. You’re at a stage that is past our topic here.

I think that love and relationships are great, but since this isn’t the area that I choose to talk about, you’re going to have to decide for yourself.  Just don’t turn into a wussy… that’s bad no matter what.

***COMMENT TO DAVID DEANGELO FROM A WOMAN***

I just wanted to say thank you, from all the women out here in single land, for the creation of Double Your Dating. Out of curiosity, I clicked on a link from (another website) to see what all this great advice was about. just from reading about your “kiss test” I knew you had figured it out. I like being hit on by a confident assertive man. I also like a man who can figure it out that I’m not interested. Honestly, I will fall over and spread my legs for any man that does the right things whether he’s extremely attractive or not. I would never tell him how to do it. I guess that’s your job. Anyway, like I said, I just wanted to thank you. I personally hope I get hit on in the grocery store by someone who has read your book!

Thanks,

K.H.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Well, thank you for your letter. I truly appreciate your honesty and directness. Most men can’t believe that what you’re saying could actually be true, but as we both know, it quite often is.  The interesting thing you say (which I agree with) is:

“I would never tell him how to do it.”

In other words, A WOMAN WILL NEVER TEACH A WUSSY BOY WHO DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO THE SECRETS OF GETTING HER. Translation for guys: If you don’t know what you’re doing when it comes to women, LEARN.

***QUESTION***
Hi Dave:

I have been reading your material for a few months now. One of the best things I learned about your work is how to get e-mail addresses and phone numbers from women. I have great success at this point. This has also helped my business. I need help in two areas that involve taking it to the next level. I want to meet a nice girl and settle down. Firstly, how can I figure out which one of these girls is the BEST for me in terms of personality and chemistry. My last relationship lasted a year and a half and did not work because we were always busting each others chops. Secondly, I think there is a point when we just need to stop playing games and be nice to these women… What do you think?

B. NYC

>>>DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

Well, I’m not the relationship expert, so I’m not going to address how you should choose a woman to settle down with…

But I will comment on your question of whether or not there is a point when you should stop “playing games” and “be nice to these women”. The mind set and techniques that I teach are not my idea of a “short term technique to get laid”. Once you start using the methods, you’ll find that women respond to them on an ONGOING basis. In other words, if you can keep up the charming, Cocky and Funny attitude, it will keep a woman feeling attracted to you FOREVER.

“Nice” is not a word that you want associated with yourself, in my opinion. Women aren’t ATTRACTED to guys who are “nice”.  Be interesting, unpredictable… even thoughtful and original.  But don’t be NICE. Use Cocky Comedy.

Think about it.

***QUESTION for DAVID DEANGELO***

Hello,

Your are the man. I have been using your cocky funny method on girls I already know and see the difference in the way they act towards me; they seem to definitely be more interested. My dilemma is that I run out of cocky comedy comments and little jokes. For example I went to the coffee shop yesterday with one of my buddies and there were two cute girls in front of us who smiled at us when we where in line and I looked back and smiled but I had no idea what to say to them or what to make fun of and they got what they wanted and left. I simply had no idea what funny comment to make.

>>>DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

Here’s the answer…

List the 10 most common situations that you’d find yourself meeting women… and list 10 cocky and funny things to say in each situation.  Next, mentally rehearse each of the comments so you have them ready!  If you are at the stage where Cocky Comedy doesn’t come “naturally”, then you’re going to have to PRACTICE.

Why do Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods make their sports look EASY? Why do they TOTALLY dominate all of the other players around them?  Practice, of course.

Stop trying to create magic from nothing, and start practicing. Practice makes magic.

***QUESTION for DAVID DEANGELO***

Dave,

Because of my job, I am on the road a lot, where I love to listen to your interviews with dating gurus, by the way! Lots of times I like to drive with the windows down, music blasting and just taking in the sun. Many times I find myself waiting at a stop light with a good- looking girl waiting next to me. Some of these girls, we make eye contact, others just glance over. Sometimes I’ll drive for miles with the same girl to the side of me. The problem is I never really know what to do next. So I guess what I need are some great David Deangelo dating tips on:

1. How do I get her to roll down her window? 2. Once she does what should I tell her?

I drive an average car (VW Jetta) so I know they’re not looking at that, but I’m just uncertain how to get her attention.

Thanks for the help.

R. in So Cal

>>>DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

Oh, you can have a lot of fun with this one.  I have a good friend who can’t drive up next to a woman without flirting. He likes to “waggle his eyebrows” at every woman he sees.  Next time you’re next to a cutie, waggle your brows and wave. When she smiles, make the old fashioned motion of rolling down your window to her, and roll down yours.

Finally, take out your cell phone, point to it, and say “What’s your number?”

I’ve done variations of this myself, and had some great fun success with it.

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Understand How Women Think

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I firmly believe that some dating advice that carries the disclaimer “for entertainment purposes only” REALLY IS “for entertainment purposes only”. What’s more, some guys are perfectly okay with that. It’s enough for them.

After all, SAYING that one is acting on a desire to get better with women and going through the motions in a way that FEELS LIKE getting better with women is often A LOT safer than ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING.

It’s potentially WAY less painful, also.

But lately it has occurred to me that there’s an EVEN MORE fascinating phenomenon out there that is potentially lulling guys into a “false sense of security” of sorts when it comes to improving our skills with women.

Here it is: I think that a shockingly high percentage of men’s dating advice is built around the premise that men and women THINK ALIKE about dating and seduction.

Moreover, we as guys tend to assume women think like WE DO rather than vice versa.

I mean, come on. It’s the easy road, after all. Understanding women is complicated if not altogether enigmatic to us.

Therefore, when someone comes along and gives us advice on how to handle women, and does so in a way that MAKES SENSE to a man, what happens?

You guessed it…we assume that if it MAKES SENSE to us, it must be accurate and effective.

There’s only one problem. Women aren’t wired the way we are after all.

Sure, our basic emotional fabric, wants and needs are more similar than we often give credit for.

But nonetheless, what drives that which is feminine is VERY different than what motivates us as masculine men.

And for better at worse, it’s the DIFFERENCES between men and women that spark attraction. Therefore, the DIFFERENCES are indeed at the heart of dating advice in general.

I’ll give you a primo example…one that could transform how you look at dating/seduction advice from this moment forward if you let it sink in.

Here goes… One of THE most repeated themes in the Seduction Community is the concept of how attractive women can select their partners at will while “rejecting” all others.

Meanwhile, so the story goes, we as guys are left to compete against the herd for the right to “mate” with a desirable female.

Elaborate comparisons are often made with what goes on elsewhere in the animal kingdom.

Bighorn sheep butting heads. Alpha wolves slaughtering the young of competing males. Big bad Black Widow spiders of the female persuasion gobbling up their puny male mates right after intercourse.

Sheesh.

Basically, the message is, “Women are the lucky ones. They can have sex whenever they want, and casually reject guys right and left until they get to the one they want.”

Us guys? We either become “more alpha”, or we die virgins or something.

Guess what? That’s how WE AS GUYS THINK, because it’s WE who are motivated by sexual conquest.

Now sure, SOME women do indeed wield tremendous sexual power. And yes, they really do “reject” countless guys who want to “mate” with them.

At least that’s how WE perceive the universe.

But here’s the thing. You should see the e-mails Emily and I get from women.

They’ve got dating challenges of their own. And they think all the GUYS are in control when it comes to dating.

Perhaps you’re thinking that we must be getting e-mails from all the less-than-attractive women out there who lack in the “sexual power” department.

Au contraire.

Sometime when you’re bored at work, hit up our Facebook group and surf through some of the hotties who have accepted Emily’s invitation and are ALL ABOUT going from “good” to “great” with guys.

Their challenges? They read like this: “I date a bunch of guys and they only want one thing…sex. When will I find a guy who will love me and want to commit to me?”

We have NEVER (as in NEVER, EVER) received a single e-mail from a woman who was concerned about “getting l***” enough.

And it’s not because every woman has ultimate “choosing” power over guys in that area.

And for the record, it’s also not because women don’t like sex.

It’s because they DON’T THINK LIKE A MAN DOES.

So the best dating advice to guys who want to get better with women is NOT to try to figure out how to get a woman to “select” you as her sex partner.

Instead, if you THINK IN TERMS OF WHAT WOMEN WANT, you’ll realize that the man who represents who a woman wants to fall in love with and commit to is the guy who will TRULY succeed.

Does all this still seem a bit cryptic to you? Looking for a clearer indication that I’m on to something here?

Look no further than the WOMEN’S dating advice market. Because they do the EXACT SAME THING…in reverse.

Women “dating gurus” tend to talk to women as if we as men think like they do.

And it SELLS LIKE HOTCAKES.

Why?

Because it makes sense to women, of course.

Women want a man to commit to them instead of “using them and leaving them”.

So what’s the best advice? Simple: follow “The Rules” designed to cajole a man into committing before you give him anything he wants.

The reality? Any self-respecting guy, such as yourself, isn’t going to fall for it.

Show me a woman who UNDERSTANDS that men want a woman who actually LIKES MEN, follows a worthy man’s lead, basks in her own femininity and heaps unsolicited approval on the deserving man in her life…and I’ll show you the woman who has guys FALLING ALL OVER THEMSELVES to put a ring on her finger.

Why is that? Simple…SHE KNOWS HOW MEN THINK, and represents what they want.

Can you make the extra effort to discover more about how women think?

If so, can you believe that it will pay off?

Can you trust that women REALLY DO follow a man’s lead, therefore when you represent what THEY want they GLADLY reciprocate by giving you what YOU want?

Pick Up Made Easy

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One of the great misfortunes (in a man’s mind) is that beautiful women are rarely found alone. Most men waste time waiting for the woman they are interested in approaching to be alone, or trying to plot how they will remove her from the group of friends she is with. Not only is this a waste of time, but it is a very predatory behavior, and viewed as a threat by most women.

Instead, you need to learn to approach the entire group of women in order to eventually single out the one you want. However, the task of approaching a group of women in a bar or club, or anywhere else, is a daunting task for most single men. Here are some helpful tips and hints on how to approach a group of women anywhere, any time.

Approaching Women Tip #1: Use A “Time Constraint”

One way to make your approach seem like less of….well….an approach….is to use a method I call the “Time Constraint”. What this does is it puts the women at ease because hey see you as a temporary threat or fixture. They know you will be leaving soon, so they don’t have to worry about finding ways to blow you off. They relax and let their guard down, and any guy with imagination can figure out how beneficial that is to the dating scene.

Simply say (at the beginning of your approach) something like, “I can only stay for a minute because I’ve got to get back to my friends,” or “I’ve gotta run in a second, but…”.

Approaching Women Tip #2: Approach With Energy

When you approach a group of women, make sure your energy level is equal to or slightly higher than theirs. Nobody wants to talk to someone who is going to bring them

Down nor do they want to talk to someone who doesn’t “fit”.

Approach Tip #3: Keep Everyone Warm

In a group setting, you need to make sure that every individual in the group gets attention and stays engaged… or someone WILL become your enemy, or at the least, lose their interest and try to move on, bringing the group with them. When you approach a group of people, usually it is because there is one single woman within the group that you are attracted to. This is the one you want to pay the LEAST attention to when you approach the group.

Start by chatting with her friends…this gives you a chance to demonstrate your personality and to become a challenge for her by teasing her and using Cocky Comedy techniques to bust on her and boost HER level of attraction to you.

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Meeting Women Online

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David Deangelo recently interviewed a gentleman named Grant Adams in his Interviews With Dating Gurus series.  Grant Adams, who is also known in the dating world as Adam Gilad, as it turns out, knows quite a bit about how to meet and attract women –      especially when it comes to meeting women online.  Grant Adams tells David DeAngelo that he uses a particular communication style online that “short-circuits” a woman’s defenses… and simultaneously super charges her attraction.

Not only that, but Adam has figured out simple changes that ANY guy can make to his pictures, profile, and emails that dramatically increase the amount of responses you get from women almost instantly – so YOU can begin meeting women online.

Here are some killer dating tips for meeting women online from Grant Adams:

1. Make your strengths and attributes really stand out.  Most guys described themselves in SELF-CRITICAL ways. They put themselves down, saying things like, “My name is Eric. You can call me Mr. Lonely…” This is a downer and will not help with meeting women online.  Grant found that if he could convey his strengths in an attractive, factual, and sensual way… he’d be eons ahead of his “competition” online. And that’s exactly what he did.   Take these strengths and show-case them in your profile or online and then COMBINE them with a vision of romance that paints a picture of a life that’s more exciting than the life she’s living.  This shows her that you are not only a man who knows who he is, but that you’re a guy who can bring her a new realization of how great life can be.  Communicating to women on this level drives them absolutely CRAZY… and you need to try it out.

2. Show them your confidence!  Grant Adams believes that every guy has things about him that are attractive to the average woman. The only problem is we usually don’t know what they are. And even if we do, we don’t know how to communicate them in a way that AMPLIFIES or MAGNIFIES them… in a cool, not self-involved sort of way. Grant Adams suggested when trying to meet women online that when you describe your confidence and strengths, don’t use weak – yet all too common – phrases like “some people say I am…” or “I’m sort of…” Instead, demonstrate that you’re a guy who knows who you are by describing yourself in bold, clear terms. Don’t exaggerate… but don’t be wishy-washy either. And Grant pointed out something very interesting.  He said that when you focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses the people around you will ALSO focus on your strengths.

3. Expand Your “Self”.  Here’s another killer dating tip Grant shared with David Deangelo.  Never let a woman online define you.   Ever seen a profile with the headline “Skater Guy” or “Nature Lover” or “Dr. Doolittle”? Most guys love to label themselves with a characteristic. But the problem is that once a woman can easily label you, much of the MYSTERY is gone… and she just won’t be as interested.  Grant Adams says that is one of the basic laws of attraction, whether you are meeting women online or in person.  However, if a woman reads your words and gets a sense that you’re deeper than your words say – that your words suggest more than they describe – then you’re in good shape. Relay that you can’t be defined – that you’re unpredictable and dynamic – and she’ll become irresistibly curious about all of the interesting side-streets of your personality waiting to be discovered.

4. Show Her You’re Sensual.  And yes, you can do this when meeting women online!  Every woman wants a man who appreciates the “senses”… a man so “in touch”, that he can ignite powerful, passionate feelings inside of her. But if you’ve ever done any “reconnaissance” online and read other guys’ profiles – I’m sure you’ve seen that most men have NO CLUE about how to attract women… let alone “ignite feelings” in a woman who they are trying to meet. Lucky you!

So how do you do this? Well unfortunately, you can’t just TELL a woman directly “Oh, I can make you feel great.” You must demonstrate your ability to make her feel good through the way you COMMUNICATE. Grant says that to create feelings in women over the web, you need to use vivid details. For instance, he suggests that if you talk about the food you enjoy, don’t just say you like fine wine… talk about how you love how a fine wine changes textures as it rolls around in your mouth.  If you talk about a walk on the beach, don’t just say you like walking on the beach, describe in detail how you love the feeling of warm sand between your toes. Grant Adams suggests using sensual words like bare, ripe, supple, soft, sway, feline, tender, etc. When you use words like these, although you’re not talking directly about sex… you send a strong message that you know how to make her feel GREAT.   And that’s what every woman wants to hear… in a subtle, mature, sensual way.  This takes meeting women online and makes it more real to them, more immediate.

5. Create An Electrifying Life.  Another point Grant made that seems obvious, but most guys miss is that if you want to be interesting to a woman, you have to lead an interesting life… and do interesting things. For example, let’s say there’s a woman you see online who you want to meet.  She says she’s adventurous but you really haven’t done many adventurous things in your life. If you met her, you wouldn’t be able to connect on the “adventure” level.   Grant suggests to step out of your comfort zone and DO something adventurous… jump out of a plane… go bungee jumping… do something that’s “radical” and BOLD. Now you have a very interesting experience you can talk about, not only with HER… but with EVERY woman you meet online or in person for the rest of your life. Another way to expand your horizons and make yourself more interesting is to take some classes on things you find interesting and that women might find interesting as well -like cooking, wine, or art.   Most men are so afraid to try something or to take a class of any kind out of fear of embarrassment. But if you show a woman that you’re willing to “step out” there and expand who you are… it makes a DRAMATIC impact. Even simple things like mentioning that you looked at a book on cooking, or visited a wine-tasting website, show that you’re the type of guy who is constantly evolving and improving yourself which ALL women find very attractive.

How To Get A Woman’s Phone Number And Email Address Within Three Minutes Of Meeting Her

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By David DeAngelo

Let me start off by telling you something interesting:

I’ve personally stopped focusing on just getting phone numbers. I’ve found that EMAIL addresses are far better (I still get the phone number too, of course).

Let me explain.

I perfected the art of getting phone numbers a couple of years ago.

If a woman is single, I can walk up to her and get her number in about a minute or two (if I’m in a hurry). I found out later, after working like a mad scientist on this that GETTING PHONE NUMBERS ALONE DOESN’T EQUAL SUCCESS.

You see, women have many different reasons for giving out their phone numbers. Some love the attention of having a lot of men call them. Some like to turn guys down. Some are actually interested. But the universal feedback that I get from men, and in my personal experience, women act different on the phone than they do in person.

When you call a woman for the first time, she’ll often start acting stand offish or even worse, just plain rude. It’s almost like she’s a different person than the one you met.

I’ve found that getting an EMAIL address is not only easier, but it gets more positive responses later on. It’s almost as if women appreciate it that you’ve taken the time to think about what you’re going to say when you write an email to them, and they think of you more like someone they know.

The other benefit of email is that it can be written and answered anytime.

If you call, you have to actually reach them. But an email can be answered anytime. And I’ve found that emails are answered FAR more often than voicemail messages.

HERE’S THE HOW TO:

After I’ve talked to a woman for about 3 or 4 minutes, I’ll often say something like “Well, it was nice meeting you. I’m going to get back to my friends.”

They usually don’t know what to do, as they’re used to guys clinging to them. Most of the time, they say “It was nice meeting you too…” Then, just as I’m turning to walk away, and we kind of disconnect, I turn back and say “HEY! Do you have email?”

The “HEY!” is a bit surprising, and “Do you have email” is non-threatening. In fact, I’m technically asking her if she HAS email, not if she’ll GIVE IT TO ME.

If she says “yes,” I take out a pen and paper and say “Great, write it down for me” and I have her write it down. (This is great, as I just treat the ‘yes’ that they give me as a yes to get it from them as well. And they’ve almost ALL gone along with it so far) Then AS SHE’S IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING, I say “Write your number down there too.”

When you ask for email, it’s very low risk for a woman, so she’ll think “Fine, I’ll do that.” Most women will give out an email address without thinking about it, because they know that they can choose later to just not answer.

The magic of asking them to write their phone number down WHILE they’re in the middle of writing down their email is all about the psychology of human behavior.

She’s already mentally said “OK, I’ll give you my email address”… and she’s in the middle of writing it down. When you say “And just write your number down there too” it’s only NATURAL to just write it.

In other words, it’s a MUCH smaller step than giving out the phone number all by itself. It took me a LONG time to figure out this simple move, but it works like magic! You will have women writing their phone numbers down without even thinking twice.

Here’s a great add-on to make sure you’re getting a real phone number and not a pager or voicemail:

As she’s writing down her phone number I say “Is this a number that you actually answer?” If she looks at me and hesitates, or says that it’s her “voicemail or pager number,” then I say “Look, write your real number down. It’s going to be OK, I’ll only call you nine times a day…” They laugh and usually give me their real number.

Now, if she answers my first question and says “No, I don’t have email” then I bust on them and say “Well, do you have electricity?” This is a GREAT opportunity to use humor.

Then I say “Well, OK then. I like email better, but I’ll take your regular phone number. It’s so damn hard to reach people on the phone these days.”

Just realize that all you have to do is ask.

Like I said, I’ve tried all kinds of things. And I’ve gotten hundreds of phone numbers. And I use this exact sequence every time I talk to a woman and I want to get her phone number. I’ve gotten to the point where I can often do this in a minute or two – no kidding!

Now that you know the sequence, write it down with the words and the steps, and rehearse it in your mind over and over until you know exactly what to say for each step and each response.

Many guys have asked me “But what do I tell her as a reason why I want her number or email?” I’ve never had a woman ask me. If you ask, and they give it, then she knows why you asked. If she doesn’t give it to you, then she also knew why you asked.

Just assume that this is the case.

If you ask every time, and you do it in a smooth, assuming, calm way, you’ll get a lot of emails and phone numbers.

Note: Carry a pen on you at all times. I prefer the Fisher Space Pen (chrome) because it’s small, classy, and women love it!

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David DeAngelo is the author of “Double Your Dating – What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women”, and has taught thousands of men how to be more successful with women and dating.
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Copyright 2008 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. “David DeAngelo” and “Double Your Dating” are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc.