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Approaching Women and Conversation

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One of the biggest fear that men have in dating is the fear of the CONVERSATION.  Where do you go to learn how to have a conversation?  Or how to start a conversation?  What do I say to a girl when I meet her?  What do we talk about?  What happens if….gasp…there is SILENCE?  I know, I hear the horror movie music playing in the background too.

Here are some great dating and conversation tips to remember when having that ever awkward “first conversation” with a girl you are attracted to from none other than Alpha Man Carlos Xuma

First of all, relax.  Think of conversation as building rapport with a woman, getting to connect with her on a level deeper than simple physical awareness.  Easier said than done, I know, but the fact is that if you are uncomfortable or uptight, you are not going to be able to be involved in a naturally evolving conversation.  Keep in mind that the girl you are approaching is going to be nervous too, especially if she is attracted to you as well.  So get comfortable, and create an out for yourself if you need to (remember this, that is a great piece of dating advice called the time constraint).  Tell her you only have a few minutes and set a timer on your phone.  If the conversation is as dead as your great grandmother’s tulips, then you have a great excuse to jet in about 5 minutes.  If the conversation is great, then you can tell the girl that your timer can wait.

Next – Carlos Xuma tells us to make a list of things to chat about beforehand!  Before you venture out to a bar or club, sit down for a few minutes and put together a list of “conversation starter” material.  What keeps conversations going?  Not questions like “What do you do for a living”.  YAWN!!!  Try open ended questions  and conversation topics that she is not going to hear every day.  This will do several things – it will spark her attraction and interest in you, and like an 18 letter word in a scrabble game, open the conversation up to many possibilities the further you go.  Here are some examples:

· Do you think men or women lie more?

· If you were stranded on a deserted island and could have one of the following, what would you have?  A pen and paper, a radio or a monkey?  Why?

· What animal would you be if you could be an animal?

· Who is a person you admire and why?

· Who is someone you despise and why?

The conversation, though, is basically the clothing for the real animal beneath – attraction.  The conversation has got to be interesting to both parties.  Keep her on her toes, bust her balls and use Cocky Comedy with her.  Maintain eye contact with your date or potential date, use casual and light touches on her arm or hand to keep building the attraction as the night goes on.

Later!

Carlos Xuma

Dating Tips on HOW TO TRIGGER Sexual Tension!

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Here is a great question that most men do NOT know the answer to.  Do you?

The question: “What is SEXUAL TENSION?”

To most men, the words “Sexual Tension” are something they have…heard of.  They just don’t make sense.  In other words, some guys think that the words Sexual Tension mean “negative anxiety about sex” or something equally unhelpful.

But, if you go ask a bunch of WOMEN what the phrase mean, you’ll get a MUCH different answer.  Women know what Sexual Tension is.  To a woman, Sexual Tension is the feeling that she gets during those times when she is interacting with a man that she feels ATTRACTION for… but she doesn’t know exactly what’s going to happen.  It anticipation and desire all rolled into one.

Maybe she doesn’t know if he’s into her, but the interaction is so good that something MUST be happening…Maybe he’s making her laugh a little bit “too much”, and she cannot control her feelings towards him…Or maybe it’s obvious that he’s attracted, but he’s so in control of himself and the situation that he’s not letting on and she’s on the edge of her seat waiting to know what’s going to happen.

These are all possible examples of Sexual Tension.  With that, let me see if I can take you behind the scenes and give you a different perspective with a few dating tips mixed in there.

Men and women have different ideas when it comes to ATTRACTION.  Men have their “attraction mechanisms” which are “triggered” by much different things than women.  For women, things usually begin with a small spark.  Sustained and “meaningful” eye contact, a Cocky Comedy jibe, a teasing remark.

It can really be anything.  The point is that SOMETHING SPARKS the ATTRACTION.  Then it flourishes.  It doesn’t have to take a lot of time, but it does usually require time.  It might take an hour, or it might take a couple dates… but if a guy does all the right things he can fan one these little sparks of attraction into a powerful flame for a woman… that is too much for her to resist.

Ok, so on to Sexual Tension…

What you need to realize is that if you can do this, women will LOVE you for it.  (Hint hint:  that was a DATING TIP!)

Women, and especially ATTRACTIVE women who are hit on all the time by loser guys, don’t enjoy dating guys who are boring, humdrum, and LOSERS.  They love guys who are erratic, mysterious, and stimulating.  They love guys who keep them guessing what’s going to happen next.  And they love guys who can keep the TENSION BUILDING, and NOT LET UP.

Dating Tip 1) TEASE her.

If you want to INSTANTLY change the way a hot, nose-in-the-air woman is behaving, TEASE HER about something.  Now, of course, not all beautiful women are stuck up.  I know.  But, teasing works PARTICULARLY well when a woman IS stuck up… lol.  Maybe it’s her huge purse.  Or her stiletto heels.  Or the way she swings her ass when she walks.  Whatever.  Just tease her.

Say, “Hey, what’s with the diaper bag?  You’re not one of those women with a Chihuahua named “Fluffy” in there, along with $20 a pop doggy treats for when she’s in the mood to be pampered, are you?”  It doesn’t matter.  Just say something to tease her.  And by the way – dork – do it with a straight face!

Dating Tip 2) EYE CONTACT

When a man and a woman make eye contact for the FIRST TIME, did you know it’s USUALLY the man who looks away first?  Men are WUSSIES when it comes to doing things that say “I’m a strong, confident person”.  Looking away when you make eye contact with a woman is one of those things.  BIG TIME.  Instead, HOLD her gaze until SHE looks away – without squirming – it will send a strong signal.

Dating Tip 3) ROLE PLAY

Often an opportunity will come up when you’re meeting a woman where you’ll want to instantly shift into a “roll play”.  Maybe she mentions that she’s getting a new job.  Tell her that you sure hope it pays well, because she’s going to have to support both of you…And then tell her that you hope she has enough energy to cook at night after work, because you need a woman who can bring home the bacon, AND fry it up without burning it…

Then after that – tell her that something she just said screwed it all up for you, and that you’re probably going to wind up divorcing her a week after you get married… and taking half of HER money.  Roll playing is fun, and if it’s done right it can REALLY spark this tension that we’re talking about.  The point is that you have to SPARK it.

YOU must lead the way, and YOU must do something to create that little moment where things transition into “we’re playing like adults”.  Women feel this, and respond to it INSTANTLY.

Now, on to how to turn UP the TENSION.

Once you’ve sparked this tension and engaged her into an interesting banter, it’s time to DIAL UP THE TENSION.  That’s right, I said, CREATE MORE TENSION.

Let’s say that you were telling her that she has to make all the money and support you, and she answered with, “Well, I can support you, but you’re going to have to do all the laundry, dishes, and take care of the kids”.

Most guys would be thinking to themselves “Cool, she’s having fun with me, I’ll say something to make her like me now”.  So they’d say, “OK, I can do that” or something equally stupid.

This is the place to TURN IT UP.  Say, “No way.  I’m the man here.  I get to lie around on the couch all day watching TV and then when you finally get home from work, I get to take a break and go out with the guys”.  Reversing gender stereotypes like this, and teasing is all kinds of fun.

At this point the woman might open her mouth with the “Oh no you didn’t just say that” look.  Of course, you should look back at her, raise your eyebrows, and slowly nod your head, as if to imply “Oh yes, you’re going to support me”.

This is just one example.

Here are a few more, just so you really “get” what it is that I’m saying.

1) DON’T take advantage of something.

Let’s say that the woman you’re flirting with is wearing a sexy getup.  She gets up and walks across the room.  Don’t fall for it – she KNOWS that you’re going to be watching her.  BUT YOU DON’T.  When she turns around to come back, you’re looking down at your socks, and commenting about what great taste you have.

THIS IS SUBTLE, BUT POWERFUL.

Not taking advantage of a look, a touch, a kiss, etc. when it’s available DIALS UP the Sexual Tension.

2) Push her away.

Let’s say that you have your first kiss.  PUSH HER AWAY gently just before the kiss “should” be finished.  Shake your head.  Say, “you’re trouble”.

TENSION BUILDS.

3) End interactions first.  If you’re talking to her on the phone, and you’re both enjoying the conversation, say, “OK, I’ve got things to do.  See ya.”  And HANG UP!

This is POWERFUL.

Not only are you ending a great conversation when it was on an UP note, but you’re also not trying to get anything from her.  Most guys cling and stay on the phone forever, then ask for a date or if they can call later.

DON’T DO IT.

Just get off the phone.  If it’s the end of the date, leave just a little bit too soon.  The point is to create TENSION in the moment.

Being aware of what creates sexual tension is a great way to take the date you are on and MAKE IT go your way.  It puts you – the ALPHA MAN – in charge of her, and SHE WILL LOVE IT.

Dating Tips For Men On the Dating Mindset

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The men who are the best at picking up women, whether it be by meeting women online, picking girls up in bars and clubs or at the local supermarket – all share 5 key characteristics or a universal mind set that enables them to be so damn good at picking up women.

Here are 5 key dating tips for men that you need in order to elevate your game to the success level that these men have for women.

Dating Tip 1 – Anytime you get shot down, move on immediately – picking up women is a numbers game.  Even with the best pick up artists (PUAs) in the world, it’s only a numbers game… if you only play a few rounds, your conversion ratios are going to suck!

Dating Tip 2 – There is no woman who is on a pedestal – No matter how super hot she is, or whether you are meeting her online or in a bar, how much money she has, or what she does, she’s not “beyond” you.  Supermodel, topless dancer, famous movie star, or the hottest girl in the bar… it just doesn’t matter.  Remove her from that pedestal.

Dating Tip 3 – You are the catch – instead of HER being the catch.  Most guys think the other way around when trying to meet women, and it kills your dating game.  YOU be the prize.  You’re a great guy and she’d be lucky to get to go on a date with you.

Dating Tip 4 – Have a plan, and another plan!  Whatever situation you’re in, always have a plan and always know the next step you intend to take.  Have your Cocky Comedy lines ready, your pick up lines, and an idea of where you are going to lead the conversation or – where you want to end up tonight.

Dating Tip 5 – Don’t be attached to the outcome – A friend of mine once said that “indifference is the difference that makes the difference.”  Don’t get too stuck on any one girl…ESPECIALLY after you’ve just met her.  Women will pick up on this, and if you are indifferent, they will start working to get YOU.

Many men, when they first start learning the art of approaching women and meeting women learn dating techniques like a whole box of puzzle pieces… like how to meet a woman, how to get her number, how to kiss her, etc.  The dating tips you get need to be fit together, though, in order to be effective in dating and meeting women.  It is obvious that you do one and then another and then another, but there are so many of them that it’s easy to screw up.

But if you know how to TRANSITION from one move to the next… if you use a little forethought and plan ahead then everything goes MUCH SMOOTHER.

It can be as simple as this:

If you know that you’re going to get in a car with a woman, decide in advance that you’re going to lead her to the car and insist that you open the door for her.  Do it in a casual and nonchalant manner.  The fact is, just deciding in your mind that you’re going to open the car door for her (like it’s something you do without thought because you are an ALPHA MALE) prevents an awkward or uncomfortable moment.  And by preventing that awkward moment, you prevent projecting that you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.

Instead, you’ll have a SMOOTH interaction with a woman…and that makes it almost “automatic” that you’ll push her attraction buttons.  So if you have dating tips, or pieces of this puzzle that you don’t know how to handle, or you don’t know how to transition from one moment to the next, learn how to do it.  It will be the oil in the engine of your wicked dating machine!

Dating Tips on Approaching Women – Do Not Give Compliments

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One crucial dating tip – and quite possibly the best piece of dating advice that I have ever gotten is knowing the difference between guys who “GET IT” and guys who don’t. The guys who get it, and really get it, are the ones walking out of the bars and clubs every night with a hot chick, and the guys who don’t….don’t.

So what is this golden nugget of a dating tip? Some men feel like they need to make a woman feel good right off the bat and say something “sweet” – like a compliment about her eyes, her hair, her tight her body is, or whatever. What do the guys who GET IT know that the “complimenters” do not? That this KILLS ATTRACTION. Dead! Now!

Why? Because – and this is great dating advice, so listen up – this is the same damn thing she has just heard from the preceding 10 losers who approached her – and were shot down like a 747 over Bagdad. Even if you are sincere – don’t do it!

OK – best case scenario – you tell this girl how she is the hottest babe in here and you just HAD to come talk to her – that you are in love with her ass or whatever it is you are going to say. She says thank you. Now you are dismissed to wallow in the dregs with the rest of her admirers. You have not created attraction for her, you have not intrigued her, you have just lumped yourself in with everyone else. Way to go!

So what is the dating advice? Every single guy looking to pick up women and create attraction needs to X the word “compliment” from his vocabulary, at least on the first approach. The guys who are successful at approaching women are the guys who say something unique… something challenging… something that creates an EMOTIONAL RESPONSE. And whether that response is positive or negative, it spices it up… and THAT is what fuels the conversation past the awkward first 10 seconds.

Experiment with pushing the envelope and saying something super-edgy… something that immediately gets a charge out of her… that she has NEVER heard before…even if that something gets her goat or makes her take a swing at you – its better than “You have the nicest ass I have ever seen!”

So on your initial approach to a woman, go up to her and ask her opinion on something – hell, ask her if she has any great dating tips for men! Engage her, bust her balls (using David Deangelo’s Cocky Comedy), slip in and slip out in a minute or two telling her you have got to run to keep her defenses down and her attraction up – and don’t ever – ever give a woman a compliment if you are trying to pick her up.

The Secret Women Know About Being MEN

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I’d like to tell you a story…It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed. Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a particular woman. At first, she was just another attractive woman… but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her… and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her.

But there was one problem. As the guy’s emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure. Why? Because he couldn’t tell whether or not the girl the same way towards him.

Sometimes she would say things like “You are so important to me” and “I’m glad that you’re in my life”… but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.

There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her… and once she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional issue.

But something was wrong with the picture. She just wasn’t acting like a woman that was “falling in love”. She was acting like a friend. The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of “screwing things up” by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend. Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him.

After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT, that she would feel the same way. So he made a bold move. He TOLD HER how he felt.  (And of course, he did this without EVER Seeking any dating tips that would tell him to staple his mouth shut wit an industrial staple gun.)

He confessed that he was in love, and that he would do anything to be with her. She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said “Thank you… I really mean that… but I don’t want to mess up our friendship… you’re too important to me…”. This only confused the man more. He didn’t know how to take it… Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something?

Did it mean that she wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship? Did it mean that she didn’t love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint? Did it mean that he hadn’t tried hard enough? Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let her know how he felt? He finally decided that he couldn’t go on like this anymore… he had to be with her. He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with her… so he took a big step, bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long, long letter… again confessing his feelings.

And then the unthinkable happened. She didn’t reply. He called her three times a day for almost a week before reaching her. She made an excuse about being very busy, and said “I’ll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”… and hung up…but he never got a call back. Over the following months, the man tried desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.

THE END

That story is basically a MYTH. And I’m not talking about FICTION here. I’m talking about a story that rings true for a great majority of men. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level because you can IDENTIFY with it. And why does this particular story resonate for most men?

Because we’ve all been there in one way or another… at one time or another… and many of us have been there OFTEN in our lives. Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs… as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it reminds us of…

In this particular situation I think there is a solution. And it lies in understanding a secret that women know but MEN DON’T. And that secret comes down to the reality that if a woman isn’t ATTRACTED to a man, all of his attempts to confess his love, convince her to like him, and court her BACKFIRE.

It sucks. And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you I’ll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future…

THE “INSTANT EWWW”

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say. If you do something to “let a woman know how you feel”… but she isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.

It’s going to trigger a feeling that like to call the “Instant Ewww”.

The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION. Once a woman feels it, YOU’RE DONE. It’s over. It’s like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.

So what causes the Instant Ewww?

And why would a woman feel it towards a man who was trying to be nice… a guy who was giving her a gift or telling her how he feels? Because if you think about it from HER perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you have created a TURNING POINT in the relationship. Up until that point, you were harmless. I mean, women always know how men feel. She already knew you wanted her. She knew it from the beginning. But now that you’ve started pursuing her and talking about how you feel, you’ve created a
NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable.

You’ve triggered an emotion that is repulsive to women. And it does repel them.

In summary…

You can’t “make a woman like you” or “change how she feels about you” by doing nice things for her…Doing “nice” things for a woman who isn’t attracted to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling that makes it so she’ll NEVER like you. Men make this mistake over and over again in life because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

I mean, If you have a friend, and you like them, and you want to make them like you more… and you do some nice thing for them, they will probably like you more.

On the other hand…

If you have a woman that you “like” in a romantic way, and she doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for her because you want HER to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and she will not only NOT like you more, she will most likely distance herself from you.

Guys think that they need to communicate when they like a woman… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a girl.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you

Well remember… if you follow this pattern yourself with women who aren’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to BACKFIRE.

If she’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her you like her>She gets the “Instant Ewwws” and never wants to be around you again…

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular girl, but you don’t know if she likes you back.

DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HER.

Don’t buy her a big gift and write a love letter… Don’t send her ten dozen roses to her work with a not that says “From your secret admirer”. Don’t call her three times a day. And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her. If you want to know how she feels about you, KISS HER (and use “The Kiss Test” that you learned on my website and in my book). Don’t beg her with your Body Language either!

As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HER. Use SIGNALS from her to find out how she feels… and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a woman if she’s interested in your in a romantic way, or if you are “her type” will actually DESTROY the chances that she’ll like you.

Really.

The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that? One does that by creating ATTRACTION from
the beginning. One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why women have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.

One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING. And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you’d never ask…

The very best way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you is to get yourself a copy of my eBook, Double Your Dating.

I’ve spent several years now studying the ways that men who are “naturals” communicate using their words, voice tone, and body language that makes them MAGNETIC to women. And I’ll tell you… it’s not magic. You don’t have to be rich, handsome, or young. And you don’t have to be LUCKY. What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY man can learn it if he wants. But you’re not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making
women feel ATTRACTION aren’t “obvious” at all. In fact, many of them make no sense… and they’re the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation if you didn’t know the SECRETS.

I’m telling you, this book will show you the way. I guarantee that this program will INSTANTLY change how you behave around women. And it will start getting you results IMMEDIATELY.