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Online Dating And Blind Dates

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Let’s talk old school for a bit.

It used to be that a ‘blind date’ came about by a simple conversation. Someone you know (preferably) came up to you, sensing for better or worse that you were basically dateless, and said, “You know, I have this friend you HAVE to meet. You two would LOOOVE each other.” Usually this would-be matchmaker was female, as it has always seemed to me that women love to take on that role (e.g. find me an “It’s Just Lunch” franchise with a male director).

If you were like me, being the willing accomplices such that we were, you’d tend to go, “Uh…sure…why not? What do I have to lose?” Now, considering most of us guys are all about spending large sums of cash securing first dates that “impress women” with how artificial and awkward they are you actually had PLENTY to lose. But whatever…that was beside the point.

So you went on the date. And your brain would start to mess with you…hard. We’re talking fried circuits.

I’ll elaborate more on that in a minute.

First, however, let’s teleport back into the present. If you are like millions of others scattered across the four corners of the virtual landscape, you’ve discovered the masterpiece that is “online dating”. You know by now that we’re huge believers in online dating around here, and hope you are too. (If not, Skype me at “scotmckay”. We have ways of replicating that mindset.)

This, then, naturally means that “blind dates” have become a multi-billion dollar industry. No longer is this all limited to your Aunt Gertrude setting you up with her bridge partner’s brace-faced niece. Not really. This is the 21st century, boys and girls.

And come on, let’s get down to it: When you meet someone you met on an online dating site for the first time, it really is a blind date.

Profile narratives? Telephone conversations? IM? Even pictures? All essentially meaningless in the real world much of the time. When that person darkens the door to Starbucks you might very well be darkened also. Or else you’ll light up. Or…your brain will start to mess with you, like I said. After all, it’s a blind date.

So what do I mean?

As much as most guys have issues with approaching women, there is one undeniable factor involved there that can bring a lot of clarity to a man’s life if he lets it. When you approach women YOU are FULLY AWARE of who’s doing it for you and who isn’t. If you walk up to the most attractive woman in the place, verify that she’s a high-quality woman–and she’s digging your chili–then you KNOW THE SCORE. Way to deserve what you want. If you go through 20 or 30 women before one actually will hang out with you, you also KNOW THE SCORE. You are SETTLING.

On a blind date, that’s all off the table and you get no such frame of reference, really. You have not chosen someone from a field of many. You simply have a certain person in front of you…RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW. You are actually on a real, live DATE with this person. The “heavy lifting” of getting to that step has been done for you.

And that’s where “lazy” goes “crazy”. And the longer it has been since you’ve been on a quality date, the more hallucinatory the trip gets.

One of the key hallmarks of a wildly successful dating life is that you are comfortable weeding out people who do not meet your exacting standards. This is not a matter of snobbery, it’s a matter of necessity when you have options. Simply put, relationships that are not exactly platonic are not exactly the place for philanthropy. If you want to save the world, team up with the greatest person you’ve ever met when that happens and save the world together. When you are talking about something as mission-critical as having the right MOTOS in your life, then charity cases need not apply.

But until we get to that place…the Wildly Successful Dating Place…we often let certain insidious factors creep to the top of our list when deciding who we’re going to date and/or talk ourselves into being attractive to. These factors are (in order), 1) “This person actually finds me attractive, therefore I’m attracted”, 2) “This person is actually available, therefore I’m available”, and 3) “We’re already on a date, so the convenience of this set up sure beats having to go out and dredge up someone else”.

Last week we talked about being “clouded by beauty vision”. Now we’re talking about being flat-out “blinded by blind dates”.

No joke.

Seriously, here’s where the rubber meets the road: If you had seen this person you are on a date with out in public prior to being set up on a date together, would you have even TAKEN NOTICE? Here’s the crazy part…often, if you have the guts to ask yourself that question on a first date with someone you met online (or who the admin over in Accounting recommended, for that matter) you have to answer, “You know, I DON’T KNOW.”

It’s true. Sometimes your brain plays tricks on you to the point where you simply can’t separate where the “butterflies” of being on an actual date with someone end and real, natural attraction starts. So yeah, you go on a second date, and you may even be excited about it. But your brain is flipped out over this. What is REAL here?

Thankfully, I believe there are several reliable metrics you can apply that will give very real clarity (vision?) to the situation:

1) Would you be proud to introduce your date to your friends? This is HUGE. If you are embarrassed by this concept, you’re only fooling yourself.

2) Have you seen someone else during the course of the first date who caused your attention to wander? If you’re at breakfast and can’t keep your eyes off the chick in the booth over there, it’s your judgment that’s been scrambled and/or fried over hard.

3) Are you more excited about seeing this person again, or more excited to just be dating someone? Can you clearly see the difference between these two states of mind? It’s important to do so.

4) Were you bored at any time during the first date? If you find your mind drifting, you’re kidding yourself if you think there’s chemistry there.

5) Do you find yourself justifying and/or wishing away certain flaws? Remember, there’s a real-world difference between “perfectly imperfect” and straight-up “not right”. “Perfect imperfections” endear you to someone. That’s good. Justifying stuff that irritates you or turns you off? That’s settling.

6) Are you using all the time spent on e-mail, IM and telephone prior to actually meeting this person (or Lord forbid—the cost of the plane tickets) as a weapon against yourself to “give this a chance” despite your gut reaction? Stop kidding around. It’s going nowhere. Welcome to why most online dating experts recommend moving from first e-mail to first meeting ASAP.

So there you have it. A half-dozen highly practical principles you can use like a GPS to find your mental bearings and get your head around “blind dates”.

In closing, here’s some good news. Once you deserve what you want, it’s amazing how well “blind dates” can go.

Even back in college there was a time when a friend set me up over the summer with a girl who was going to be in the incoming freshman class where I was going to school. I remember being impressed when I met her, but in retrospect I now recognize how I struggled with a lot of the things I’ve written about in this newsletter. We decided to enter the school year as “friends”, but once we were at school together I found myself choosing her over all other options. So my friend had his game on when he set me up with her. Looking back, of the “clarity factors” above were in check.

And yes, the fateful morning Emily and I met all the boxes were checked…even though both of us had options. And that’s about as much 20/20 foresight as a blind date can offer.

Dating Tips On Attraction Momentum From David Wygant

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I have a concept, and it goes like this . . . There’s a kind of build-up of attraction that happens when a man and a woman meet. You could say that the more attraction happens, the more attraction it creates. This process happens very differently for men than it does for women. For men, it can happen instantly, and be over instantly. For women, it tends to build up over time, and then go away over time. I call this concept: “ATTRACTION MOMENTUM.”

Men are very visual and they are instantly attracted to a woman, sometimes so much so that they lose all sense of reality and their surroundings. Women are initially attracted to a man’s looks, but beyond that something else is also happening. Women are also attracted to a man’s energy, confidence, the tone of his voice, and the way he listens when they speak.

A woman’s attraction to a man is complicated, while a man is overstimulated on the visual side like a giant Scooby Doo. To attract a man, a woman needs to be able to seduce his eyes with her sex appeal. To attract a woman, a man needs to intrigue and seduce her mind.

This is where men lose the connection. They tend to try to “wow” a woman in the same way they would go about trying to impress a fellow man.

Let me go further into this. A good woman friend once told me “The more a man speaks, the drier I get. I wish sometimes he would not say a word so I can remain turned on and attracted to him.” This is the cold hard truth. Most men have no idea that in order to create attraction, they need to shut up and listen.

Men tend to try to close a woman by selling themselves to her. What happens in reality, however, is that the more they sell the less the attraction to them becomes. Men are what I call “wing flappers.” They think that by trying to impress a woman with their life accomplishments, they will seduce her and attract her . . . which is far from the truth.

The key to attracting women and creating the “attraction momentum” is a 3 step process.

Step 1 is the initial approach. Women can see you coming from a mile away. They smell you, and if they are attracted to you they want you to approach them. But it is the way you approach that will cause the attraction momentum to either rise or fall.

Men that walk over immediately are ones who tend to be received well by women. Ask any woman what her feelings are about the way a man approaches, and she will tell you that if she hears the “Jaws” theme playing in her head she will lose any of the initial attraction that she was feeling. Most men tend to circle like sharks for hours before they approach, and by the time they finally do approach the woman is turned off by him.

What happens next, i.e., Step 2, is another attraction key that will either raise her level of interest or decrease the attraction.

Most men will talk at a woman with random thoughts. Men tend to speak in random circles . . . That works in the man world. Take the following example. Two men are sitting in a café watching a game on TV. This is how a conversation would typically go:

Man 1: “You hungry?”

Man 2: “Yes.”

Man 1: “Wow! Did you see that throw?”

Man 2: “Yes, that was great. Hey . . . Check her out!”

Man 1: “Hot!”

Man 2: “Yeah, really hot. So, how’s work?”

Man 1: “Good. Any you?”

Man 2: “Good. What do you want to eat?”

Man 1: “Sandwich maybe . . . Wow! Look at that play.”

Man 2: “Forget the play. Look at her!”

Man 1: “Hot.”

Man 2: “Yeah, I think I want a sandwich too. Let’s order.”

So now that you’ve seen what “man talk” looks like, let’s look at the conversation of two women in the same café so you can understand how women react to each other and how they speak to one another.

Women 1: “How was your date last night?”

Women 2: “It was ok.”

Women 1: “Just ok? Why? What happened?”

Women 2: “He was really funny, but …”

Women 1: “But what?”

Women 2: “He did something when the waitress came over that
really made me think.”

Women 1: “What did he do? Was he checking her out?”

Women 2: “I am not sure. I have been running it through my head,
and I just can’t get a reading on it.”

Women 1: “Details please! Let’s figure this out . . .”

Do you see the difference? Women get deeper in one conversation, while men talk in random circles eventually getting back to the original conversation.

So now you can see how attraction momentum works. Men need to learn the trigger points in women . . . how they think, how they react, and how they speak. Most men will talk to a woman in “man talk” and when they do, they will cause the attraction momentum to go down instead of up.

For every woman that is sitting in a café reading the newspaper, there is a man thinking that he can just walk over to her with some canned line and a few follow-up questions. Men believe that there is an approach that will work in all situations, or that there are custom approaches that will work regardless of what she says. It’s that mindset that kills all attraction for women, yet men think that there is some magic approach that will work in all situations.

Men will actually spend time looking for someone who can give them that answer, that “magic approach,” so they will be attractive to all women in all situations. Men will use an approach over and over, memorizing it so they can perform it in front of a woman. The truth is that women are looking to connect with a man . . . not to watch a one man show.

That alone will kill the attraction momentum for women. Women are present in the moment whereas men think about what they have to say.

So let’s see how the attraction momentum is killed in a café . . . and this is after a woman has smiled and checked out the man.

Man: “Can I borrow a section of your paper?”

Woman: “Yes, you can.”

Man: “Are you having a good day?”

Woman: “Yes I am . . . but this story about Iraq is really disturbing.”

Man: “Do you live here?”

Woman: “Yes . . . around the corner. I love this area.”

Man: “What do you do for work?”

See, a man walks over and he has these predetermined questions that he wants to ask her already in his mind. And not once did he pick up on anything that she was saying, which in turn is causing the attraction momentum to go down as each word comes out of his mouth. Because they don’t listen, men tend to kill the attraction once they open their mouths. Step 3, therefore, is to remain present in the moment and to listen to what a woman is saying.

There are also many other ways a man can kill attraction.

Another way that a man kills the attraction momentum is when he looks at a woman like a desperate, hungry wolf staring at its next meal. Or when he’s out with a hungry testosterone-laden wolf pack, he will poke a friend five times before talking to a woman. Women don’t communicate like hungry wolves about to eat a meal.

Women communicate in a whole different language. When they look at a man, they admire a man. They don’t look at him like he’s about to be put on the grill.

Women like to be looked at a certain way in order to build attraction. By looking at a woman with a very seductive, sexy, George Clooney smile, you will be able to turn her on in ways you’ve never imagined! In order for attraction to build in a woman, you need to do it slowly and seductively. You also need to jump into her head and start a conversation based on thoughts she’s already having. So . . . how do you do this?

First, you need to observe what she’s doing so you can jump into her head when you talk to her. This way, the conversation is based on something she’s already feeling or doing so it’s natural. Most men will walk over to a woman and do the exact opposite like the example above. In a second, I am going to show you a conversation that you can have anywhere that will get you to bond with a woman and create far greater attraction than you’ve ever had before.

The second dating tip before we go through that conversation, is to keep present in the moment so that the conversation is just an extension of her thoughts. If what you say is an extension of her thoughts, she won’t even realize what’s happening. She won’t have her defenses up, and by doing this you will be bonding with her about the things she’s already thinking.

The third, and most important, thing that makes the attraction meter go up instead of down, is to listen and to react to what she is saying. In my earlier example, I talked about two women and how they have a conversation. Women start on a subject and then go deeper into it, creating a bond between them. That is the exact type of bond you need to create with a woman in order to cause the attraction to rise instead of fall.

Most guys when they approach a woman, create a whole new feeling, thought and conversation. Take, for example, a woman who might be eating a peach at a farmer’s market. A typical guy will walk over and ask her a question about the weather, instead of picking the obvious thing like I’m about to show you.

Let’s take the peach example. You see a woman eating a juicy peach at a farmer’s market. So how do you come across as the confident male instead of the bumbling guy that has nothing to say? The first step you’ve already done, i.e., observed what she’s doing. The second step is to walk over immediately. Walk over with authority and confidence. When you approach her, be playful and say:

Man: “That looks great. Can I have a bite?”

Woman: “I don’t know . . . I don’t know if I’m in the mood to share today.”

Man: “What, you don’t like to share?”

Woman: “I love to share, but I don’t even know you.”

Man: “What do you need to know in order for me to get a bite of that peach?”

Woman: “Well, we could start with your name.”

Man: “So all I need to do is tell you my name, and I’ll get a bite of that peach?”

Woman: “Maybe . . .”

Man: “I’ll tell you what. Take me to where you got that peach and I’ll get my own.
Then we’ll compare and see who got the better peach. We’ll go bite for bite.”

Woman: “You’re on . . .I’ll go bite for bite. I believe in my peach.”

Man: “What else do you believe in?”

At this point you’ve now segued away from the peach, and opened the door to her sharing her thoughts with you. You’ve also been very playful and you’ve challenged her. You’ve turned a simple approach into a fun game. Plus the game was all about something she was already doing. Most men fail to create attraction because they talk in random thoughts, which is not “woman talk.” I have found in coaching thousands of women over the last 10 years that the only way to build attraction in a woman is to bond with her in the moment and jump inside her head.

Don’t believe me….. So you have to understand, to meet the most amazing women everyday and have them desire you, you have to connect with them on a higher level than you ever have before. It’s not about what to say it is how you approach and how to say it!! I go over all this in great Detail in my Men’s Master series audio program.

Talk to you soon and looking forward to hearing about all of your success with women!!

Your Friend

David Wygant

Approaching and Meeting Women

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Approaching Women – approaching women really is an art form, did you know that? Think about it – the approach is the first point of contact. The first three minutes of your conversation or even CONTACT with a woman are the MOST IMPORTANT PART of your pick-up game. If you suck at the approach, how are you ever going to get a date? You are going to remain single for the rest of your natural life unless you decide to mail order a bride from Russia.

The good news is – there are people out there who can TEACH you how to meet and approach women. You can be taught the pickup lines, what to say, when to say it and how to act when meeting women. You can learn how to say the right things in order to get a date effortlessly and WITHOUT FEAR OF REJECTION. So learn to get over the fear that comes with the thought of approaching beautiful women, skyrocket your conversion rations from 0 to a HUGE percentage, get her phone number, get a date, get laid! Learn to use your body language and flirting to maximize your pick up rate today. You won’t regret it.

Approach Advice

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DATING TIPS MAILBAG: Approaching Women

By David DeAngelo

 

Hello Dave,

I just wanted to start off by saying you have very valid points with your dating advice for men. I have worked at bars and restaurants where women come in looking to hook up with men. And the cocky funny attitude works wonders. I’m 22 going on 23 and I have had no problem ever getting women to give me their number. But there is one problem I do have. That is timing “the call”.  When should I call?  Plus I used your “Are you single” approach with this very attractive girl. She gave me 5 mins of her time and I found out some cool things about her. She was very hesitant on giving me her phone number, but after I sat down to talk to her, she gave me her number.  Well, I called her two days after she gave me her phone number and she was on the other line.  So she told me to call her back in 15 mins. I waited 30 and she never answered the phone. so I left a message.  Should I rip up her number  and never call her again? Or should I call her in a week?  Your advise would be greatly appreciated.

 

Plus why would she give me her number if she planned on not talking to me in the first place?

 

Thanks.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

I personally think that this is one of the funniest questions I hear. I mean, haven’t you watched “Swingers”? lol…

 

My rule of thumb is to wait at least one day, but not more than a few. The real key is how OFTEN you call her, and more importantly, what you SAY when you call.

 

But let’s talk about the psychology of why women give out their phone numbers, and why I personally like to get email addresses.

 

You must remember that attractive women are being approached all the time by men, in one way or another, trying to seduce them.

 

They have an unlimited supply of guys to choose from.

 

I think that a lot of women who give out their numbers, then respond by being flaky when you call are doing something that many of us guys wouldn’t have thought of in a million years:

 

I think they’re making themselves feel good.

 

Explained differently, I think that many women who give out their numbers are looking for the self-image-boosting hit of power that comes from having a lot of men calling them… men that THEY have the power to ACCEPT OR REJECT.

 

They can also use it to get attention from friends:

 

“All these guys just keep calling me! Why don’t they just leave me alone! Don’t they get the hint!?”

 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know that this sounds a little bit negative… and I don’t mean to say that ALL women do this, or that ALL women are bad, etc.

 

To me, it’s just part of the real world that you need to learn to accept and deal with.

 

Which leads me to why I get email addresses…

 

Keep in mind, I’ve tried a lot of different things when it comes to curing this problem of hot-and-cold women who act one way when you meet them, then totally different when you call.

 

And what I’ve found is that if you get EMAILS instead, you not only differentiate yourself, but you also increase your chances of hearing back from her by about 100%. No lie.

 

For some reason, email has a power that a call does not.

 

If you have my eBook “Double Your Dating“, then you have read about the technique for getting a woman’s email address within a few minutes of meeting her. Email is also seen as lower risk by her… and it’s easier to get as well.

 

Try it. You’ll like it.

 

 

***QUESTION to DAVID DEANGELO***

 

David

 

Being cocky and funny is the best way to go! I have picked up more chicks reading your newsletter then I ever have in my life. Getting the digits is a problem I used to have and really sweat about. But now its a breeze!  I average about 3-5 a week.

 

But anyway to my dilemma..! I met this chick at work, she is very good looking and we flirt all the time. But she has a boyfriend!  He drives a killer truck and he is 22 and I’m 19. Recently we have been flirting and talking more then ever. But a co-worker went up to her and said that i really like her and that she should stop sending me the wrong signals since she has a boyfriend. So she comes up to me and tells me that flirting is just part of her personality and that she has a boyfriend that she plans on being with for a while. But it just doesn’t add up… when im around her i get a totally different vibe…everybody around me tells me that they can tell she wants me. Plus i already have her number THANKS TO YOU!!!! but how do i get past the mature rich boyfriend. Or boyfriends in general!! im stumped on how to retaliate Please help me find out what she wants, and how to send the boyfriend packin!  i am so stuck on this chick that i even find myself being depressed after that day…  HELP ME!!!

 

your loyal fan.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

With all the women out there that don’t have boyfriends who drive trucks… and don’t work at the same place you do (which can only lead to problems in the long run), why are you spending your time pining away over this one?

 

I know, I know. She’s extra good-looking, and she’s funny, and blah blah blah.

 

Look, just be her friend, and keep teasing her.  She’s great target practice.

 

But do yourself a major favor, and go find a girl who doesn’t have a truck-owning boyfriend, and who doesn’t work with you.

 

Then, if the stars align in the future, she won’t have Truck Man anymore, and you won’t work at the same place, and she’ll be so attracted to you from all of the teasing that she’ll follow you around like a puppy.

 

Stop wasting your mental energy trying to get something that has a high risk of turning out very bad, and focus on finding opportunities that make more sense.

 

 

***QUESTION to DAVID DEANGELO***

 

Hi David,

 

I need some dating advice on approaching groups?  And what’s the best way to approach a group of girls?  I just moved to Vegas, and I’ve found that beautiful girls will frequently travel in groups of up to 8 girls or more.  What have you found works best for approaching groups?  Thanks!

 

S.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

The only reasons I can see for approaching a “Group” of 8 or more women are:

 

1) You have a bunch of friends, and you’re trying to hook them all up.

 

2) You really like challenges and entertaining people.

 

I know someone who loves to approach groups of people, and he’s great at it. He uses a combination of magic, humor, and other great techniques to charm everyone, then leaves with the girl of his choice.

 

But as far as I’m concerned, it’s not the group you’re after most of the time… it’s one woman in the group… so stop with the “GROUP-THINK”.

 

OK, 8 women walk into a club together (sounds like the beginning of a good joke). What happens over the next 2 hours?

 

Well, some of them peel off and dance, some go to the bar for a drink, some go to the lady’s room to powder their noses…

 

There are all kinds of opportunities to meet women when they’re not in the group of 8. And I’ll tell you what, if she is standing at the bar with her 7 friends and you start talking to her, the other 7 will go about their business and not care.

 

Just go get her email address. That’s all you need.

 

Or learn magic. Really.

 

 

***COMMENT FROM A WOMAN***

 

David:

 

As a female subscriber i’d like to admit to consciously falling for many of the techniques outlined in your newsletter. I’m a nineteen year old college girl and have been dating my boyfriend for four years. His occasional disinterest in me only makes me want him more. He doesn’t call or email me as often as i call him or think it necessary that we spend every weekend together and i know he has a life other than me (i find this terribly attractive). His body language or habit of “taking up space and leaning back” is irresistible and his cocky attitude has been making me hot for years. I want to tell your male subscribers not to lose the cocky/funny routine after they have found a girl they like; not just to keep her, but to attract other girls as well. i find it a huge turn on when i catch other girls checking out my guy.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

Ah, yes. Thanks for the comments. Next time do tell more about the whole “I find it a huge turn on when I catch other girls checking out my guy” thing.

 

 

***QUESTION for DAVID DEANGELO***

 

Hi David,

 

I have a question for you. Does the techniques you use in your book work on women of all races? I am African – American.

 

Thanks,

 

GB

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

I get literally hundreds of emails a week from all over the world telling success stories, so my guess is that “yes, they do”…

 

And as a matter of fact, I’d like to thank all my readers from every corner of the planet for staying tuned, and for sending in your questions and stories.

 

Often, the person sending the story doesn’t speak or write English very well, and I don’t speak their language, so I don’t include them in these Mailbags… but I try to respond personally when I can.

 

My answer to you is: Try it. I think these principals are universal when it comes to women.

Just take your local customs, traditions, and benchmarks of proper behavior, as cultures differ… and I know that our culture in America is different than many of the cultures around the world.

 

 

***QUESTION to DAVID DEANGELO***

 

David, I just wanted to give your book a plug to all the men out there who are currently involved in a long-term relationship and want to spice things up. Using the techniques and dating tips described in your Double Your Dating eBook I completely turned around a 10 year relationship that had gone stale. We went from having sex 2-3 times a day in the first 6 months of the relationship to once or twice a MONTH in the last couple of years. After reading your book, I began the whole cocky funnyroutine on my wife and stopped giving in to every little whim she had and…BAM! Just like that she was attracted again.

 

She tried to pretend that she didn’t like the cockiness, but her actions showed how she really felt about it. We’re now back to 2-3 times a week and I’m loving life. Thanks buddy for a great education.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO‘s COMMENTS:

 

Can I just tell you how much I love getting emails like this one? Hats off to you.

 

 

***QUESTION***

 

I just wanted to say I LOVE YOU MAN! for emphasizing the COCKY FUNNY philosophy. I’ve recently tried out this internet dating thing and man I’m telling you that I turned up the volume to the max on being “cocky and funny” towards the cutest chicks on the web. Let me tell you man that my profile reads like a dickhead who can be hilarious at the same time wrote this stuff. I LOVE it!

Get Rid of the Wuss-Man!

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This is a selection from the David DeAngelo Mailbag, responses to fans of his product about the “wuss-man”

David “The Man”–
 
First of all, your Advanced CD Series is THE most definitive exhaustive resource on dating ever written.  It boggles my mind that nobody ever figured this stuff out before.  You are the research scientist that broke the mold of all that bookstore fluff, the Darwin of Dating Tips.
 
I can now approach and get the email of a woman who would have made me shake in my boots just a few months ago.  My most recent success was a girl I dated who I turned up the Cocky Comedy to the max, but my old inner wussy made a brief appearance and that was that.  Oh well.  “Next!”  I’ll get better and better.
 
I have improved quite a bit, but I’m looking for some guy friends as you suggest.  However, I’m having a problem finding guys who are good with women.  I’m not seeing them.  All I see everywhere I go are wusses.  Any advice?
I’ve also thought about finding friends who are students of yours so we can get together for team efforts.  Any suggestions here?
 
Thanks again for the incredible impact you’ve had on my life.
 
J.

 

DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

 

Yeah, I have one thought for you…

This “Everywhere I go all I see is wusses” thing can be a challenge.  I shake my head almost every single time I go out, because I think we’re in the middle of a WUSS EPIDEMIC in this country.

Keep looking.  It’s worth it.

 

If you have to, ask friends and associates at work if they know any guys who are really good with women and dating.  And remember, be cool.  Guys who are good with girls often like to help other guys learn.  But don’t be a boat anchor around his neck…

If you do your homework and find some guys who can help you, it will REALLY pay off.

 

David-

 

Wussup Man?  Well I’m not gonna waste your time or mine telling you about how great your teaching and knowledge is, because we both already know what’s up!  I’m a 19 yr old who has downloaded your eBook and I’ve read about the last 20+ emails…I’m learning a lot.  But I’m not where I want to be yet.

 

Well here is what happened.  I had lady friend of mine over to the house the other night.  Now we have been friends for a little while now and I have tried in the past to pursue this woman but like a lot of males in the world…  I would always turn wussy on her.  This women is about 5’nothing’, with a beautiful mind and a beautiful body, (she is an 8 or 9 on my scale, and I’m picky.)  *the radio is ON* we haven’t talked in a while so we caught up on each others lives…had some laughs with the cocky/funny attitude and I even fixed dinner!  Well I told her before I made dinner that when we finished eating she owed me a 30 min. massage.  She said okay.  Now, we get done eating and she tells me to dim the lights and lay down.  She tells me she is going’ to wash her hands and never comes back…  SHE LEFT!!!!!!! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!

 

JF from Texas

 

DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

 

What happened?  You went and spanked your chicken with reckless abandon?  You cried yourself to sleep?  lol…  it’s probably horrible that I’m laughing at your misery, but hey, these things happen.  Don’t worry about it, man.

 

Next time, try making something other than “Hamburger Helper” with rainbow popsicles for dessert.  I think you’re gonna live.  The problem is that you acted like a WUSSY for so long, that the thought of you being anything more than a friend made her RUN all the way home.

 

You created your own problem, by trying to make a girl who was convinced that you were a Wuss into something more than a friend.  It’s not easy.

 

 

 

Today I met an ex-girlfriend (and now good friend and occasional date) for lunch at an Indian buffet.  This is a woman who has commented in the past that she didn’t like my cocky side (either I wasn’t doing it right, or she was lying), so I was looking for a good opportunity to segue into a Cocky & Funny routine and see how it affected her.  At one point she complained that the bread was cold, and that I should go get some fresh stuff…

 

ME: What’s in it for me?  (unoriginal line)

HER:  I’ll stay and finish lunch at your table.  Otherwise, I’ll go get the bread and sit over

there by myself.  (great answer!)

ME: Well, that’d be embarrassing.

HER: Yup.

ME: Everyone in

the restaurant would think that you had to move because you’ve got real bad gas.

 

And it went from there.  You could see her eyes getting brighter throughout the conversation, and it ended with:

 

HER: Wow, you’re feisty today…

ME: Yeah, so…?

HER: So, it’s really…  attractive.

ME (laughing):  Boy, you’re easy today…

 

That’s a confession straight from the source:  feisty = attractive.  And she went on to

demonstrate her attraction after lunch in an unusually aggressive manner.  I think everything you’re saying is capital-T Truth, brother.

 

You know, people assume that Kissinger was talking about political power being the ultimate aphrodisiac, but I think there are many nuances to the word “power”, and you don’t have to be a senator or CEO to exploit it.

 

Interesting aside: I was discussing this with an insightful female friend, and she agreed with everything you say, and added that women don’t want to be our mothers…  and if we treat them like we treat our mothers (i.e., act like a wuss), what does that say?

 

C.K.

 

DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

 

Amen, brother.  Amen.

 

Feisty, Sassy, Cheeky, Ballsy…  = ATTRACTION.

 

 

 

hey Dave-

 

Let’s get to the chase.  2 things (first the success story)..  I met this single girl who was getting off work…yelled out “HEY!” and she came over to me..  I started talking about anything and everything to get/keep her attention…busting on her and using my best pick up lines and all …she gave me her # after 20 minutes..

 

But I didn’t call.  then I ran into her again in the neighborhood but this time I did the same thing “what’s your # again?” and then finally I wrote it down and scored on the second meeting after coffee..  the stuff works bro

 

Now for the wuss part.  I meet this chick last summer who was in town for her job assignment that lasted for 1 month.  She’s a real player.  We met again after the party (she called me and said hey I’m coming over) and within 30 minutes she was in my bed in her bra/panties BUT I didn’t do anything because she was complaining about how guys are such dogs.  so I didn’t do anything for the next 5 meetings.  She said “I’m glad you never did anything because we still wouldn’t be talking if u did”.

 

Anyway, last time we meet she invites me AND 4 other single guys for dinner.  she sits on their laps (just like she did with me) to make me jealous.  we have kept in touch for 5 months and next month she’ll be back for a 2 week visit.  I have heard she’s talking to 5 other guys in town besides me.

 

Whenever I confront her on the phone about these guys she says “nooo! I’m not! and I’ve never slept with any of them so ignore the rumors! who do you believe them or me??!” she called me 1 month ago and let my phone ring once, and then when I called her back it was a guys voice (she moved in with her “friend” from high school)

 

My question is: I told her how I felt about her and she already said she just wants to be friends because she travels around a lot.  she’ll be staying with 1 or 2 of these guys she’s talking to when she comes back and will try to make me sooo jealous I know it.  She called me last week and actually asked me for one of these guy’s numbers.  I got angry and hung up on her (something I would never have done before) and then she called me back and actually seems a lot more interested.

 

Then I called her yesterday from work and told her that a stripper approached me at a bar and asked me out and then this girl said “oh well why don’t you go out with her then?” but then said “OH by the way I’m coming back on APRIL 21st”..  I want to beat her at her own damn game!  but I already gave her so much power.  I wish I could just take it all back and make her feel the same way.

 

HOW DO I HANDLE THIS GIRL:???  SHES DRIVING ME NUTS!!!

 

CJ

 

Houston, TX

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

 

Wow, this is actually a very powerful story.

 

First, she intimidated you by telling you that “guys are dogs”…  which caused you to not try to take things to a physical level.

 

When you did that, YOU FAILED THE FIRST TEST.

 

She intimidated you with her words!

 

Then, the more you pursued her without progressing, the more she tested you.  Until she finally started INSULTING you…right in front of a bunch of other guys!

 

By the way, when you mentioned that after you hung up on her she seemed a lot more interested…it’s probably true.  Look, man….  BAIL!  Drop it.  Hit the road.  You screwed up in the beginning by handing over control of the relationship to her, and it’s not worth the trouble or hassle to try to take it back.

 

She’s probably the type of girl that LOVES to play guys and make them chase her…  and who enjoys seeing how much a guy will do to get her…only to leave after he does all he can.

 

Move on.

 

But remember the lesson.  Steer clear of women like this in the future.

 

Note: If you’ve read this story, and you can IDENTIFY with this guy who wrote it…  and you know what it feels like to want a woman, but be completely OUT OF CONTROL of the situation…  then I recommend that you work on your INNER GAME as much as possible.  Self Image and Self Esteem are keys in this area, as they help you pass these “tests” that women throw at you…  and they help you raise your standards, and avoid unhealthy women.

 

***QUESTION***  On Being a “Nice Guy”

 

Here’s a Q for you…I haven’t ordered your CD’s yet or the online eBook, but I’ve been reading your emails and taking in the info slowly, but I’ll definitely do so soon.

 

On the ideas about being generous….It has always in my nature to be generous of myself unconditionally with most people I like, but I don’t give away my life just for attention or to “buy” people’s friendship, and certainly for a woman’s attention, I have always known that just doesn’t work.  I come from a family in which it is natural for us to be generous as a matter of good form, but never beyond the means available.  It’s a cultural trait I guess.  Being tight and always expecting a reward for everything is neurotic anyways.  Problem is between women and I –  I have no problem with doing a small favor for a woman just out of what I feel is just decency.  But I don’t expect to immediately jump in the sack with her.  It’s a paradox for me.  Like going to a club and buying some woman a drink, but not expecting anything in return except having a good time and just getting along.  Maybe it’s a good way to sort out the user/flaky types from the cool and normal types, doing a small favor and seeing how they react.

 

I’ve had good results from controlling how much I will give, and sometimes throwing in some humor like this “O.K.  one drink ( sly grin he re) but if you start stumbling around I’m not paying your cab fare home!”, This always gets a laugh and loosens up the woman, and keeps me in control (I think) without seeming that I’m a sucker or trying to buy her attention.  What is your view on this kind of thing?  Oh, another thing I’ll do is _not_ get clingy if I do something like that…in fact I’ve found that if I just walk away and find something to do for a few minutes( talk to a friend or even go to the bathroom or whatever that) right after doing a small favor, and allowing some “breathing space”, that the next time around they get at ease and usually a good conversation usual starts leading to and exchange of digits.  Do you think I’m on the right track?  or is it too “friendly” (read doomed wuss)?

 

Thanks C.M.

 

>>>DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:

 

This is a great question.

 

I think that most of us REALLY want to be “good” to women…  we want to do nice things, treat women well, and “take care” of them.  I can understand your generosity mindset, and I actually admire you for having an “abundance” mentality.

 

But I’m going to present you with another way of looking at things…  one that might really help you.  What if you thought of “generosity” a little differently?  What if you were to realize that being “generous” with a woman sometimes means to ACT like you’re being NOT generous at all?

 

What if you were to see that if you were too “generous” at first, that a woman would SUSPECT that you were only being generous to MANIPULATE her?

 

It’s not you.

 

It’s that women are so used to men trying to do things for them in order to get attention and sex in return that they:

 

1) See this kind of generosity as “average” and expected behavior…  and immediately slot you into the “regular, nice guy” category when you do it.

 

2) Often see generosity as a form of manipulation, whereby a man uses gifts and dinners to set up a situation where the women feels that she needs to “put out” in return.  Turn the tables a bit, mention some great online dating sites that you have joined, and make her a little jealous!

 

Lean back.

 

Be generous LATER, when it will be perceived to be more authentic and special.  It sounds to me like you’re a genuinely good guy.  The challenge is getting a woman’s attention for long enough that you can actually SHOW her this side of you, and have it not come across as “ass kissing” behavior.