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Dating Advice for Men from David DeAngelo – Learn What Women Want or Fail

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In order to be more successful with women and dating, a man must first learn to understand (as best he can) the inner workings of the female mind – what motivates women, what they need and want, how they think and how they feel.  All these things, according to Double Your Dating author David DeAngelo, are critical to creating your own success with women.

One of the first mistakes that men often make in trying to get a girlfriend is that they assume that they know how a woman thinks because they assume that women think similarly to men.  And no – I am not being sarcastic or dogging on women here –  but the truth is that just as our physical bodies are different, our emotional and logical make-up is different as well.

What women want, according to David DeAngelo, may make no sense to us as men at all.  He says in Double Your Dating, “Almost none of what I do to be successful with women makes any sense to me logically, because I’m not a woman. But now that I see that what I do works over and over again, I realize that it doesn’t matter what makes sense.   All that matters is WHAT WORKS” (p 15).

Did you know that it is the female, most of the time, in nature that selects the male?  This is one of the reasons that the alpha male concept developed.  The female selects the male based on a genetic need to create strong, viable offspring that are one step closer to the penultimate of the species (look up Darwin if you want more on that).  And most of the time in the human race, this happens as well.  Women are used to being the ones that choose.

But – what if the tables were turned?  What if you were the one doing the choosing?  Do you think that would give a woman a different experience?  A new feeling?

Maybe it would make you … stand out a little?

Well duh.  Ya.

“Sooooooo…. It’s good to address this issue and point out when talking to women (even if you hint at it and talk about past experiences to make the point) that you are the selector and not the selectee. This kind of thing is very powerful, as it does one of my favorite things: It points out something to the woman that she’s most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIFE LIFE. I specialize in saying things that women have never heard. I also like to say things that she’s never heard that MAKE ME DIFFERENT IN A DESIRABLE WAY” (David DeAngelo, Double Your Dating, p 16).

You can even SAY IT to a woman – tell her that you are going to tell her something about herself that no one has ever told her – it will get her attention and interest right up.  And if what you tell her is profound enough – she is going to start to see you as the kind of man she needs to compete for.  (And if you are sitting there thinking “But what do I SAY??” do some research!  Look up interesting facts about the human psyche, the body, the mind – get some KNOWLEDGE on my friend!)

To me, this kind of philosophy is different than what a lot of the “dating gurus” teach.  Many just teach you how to pick up women.  That’s not the point here.   The point is – you probably want a girlfriend, right?  Or maybe eventually a wife or partner in your life?  Well, this is the way to get your foot in the door and start meeting some women and getting some CHOICES.  And by going about it from an intellectual standpoint, you can enrich HER life as well as your own.  That’s a win for both of you.

Here is a GREAT example that David D gives in the Double Your Dating ebook…

One good example is to say to a hot woman who’s acting arrogant, “You don’t have me fooled for a minute, dear.”  When she says, “What are you talking about?”, you say, “Well, I know that most men fall for this ‘I’m beautiful and aloof and I get my way’ part of your personality… but I know something that none of them know… that there’s really another side of you. A side that none of THEM get to see. I’ll bet you a dollar right now that I know something about you that no one who’s only known you for 5 minutes has EVER known… <pause pause pause>… You may act tough, but you’re actually EXTREMELY sensitive on the inside. If someone makes a negative comment to you, you might act like it doesn’t bother you… but you’ll think about it all the way home…I know that secretly you’re as sensitive as a little girl…it’s just that most people never get to meet that part of you…(p 16).

This will throw her off balance and let her know that you are keen and observant, as well as much deeper than most of the dumb jocks throwing back Budweisers at the bar.  But don’t stop there – keep talking to her and drop a bit more knowledge on her and see how she responds.  Chances are she will be chasing YOU by the end of the night.

Double Your Dating eBook

The First Step to Attracting Women According to David DeAngelo

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What most men want out of a dating experience, according to David DeAngelo of Double Your Dating, is to attract women instead of chasing after women.  Its kind of like marketing – it’s a lot easier if you are a car salesman to sell a car to someone that comes onto your lot looking for one than it is to call someone up out of the yellow pages and try to get them to buy a car.  It just doesn’t work.  Dating and attraction work much the same way – it’s a lot easier to hook up with a girl when she is coming on to you than to try to create attraction for a girl you see and randomly find attractive.

One of the things David DeAngelo talks about all the time in the Double Your Dating series is that women are attracted to men for certain reasons (and these are really reasons beyond their control).  Figure out these reasons and meet them, and you trigger a specific internal sequence in a woman, which is related to a primordial mating sequence that we are pre-programmed to have as human beings.

One of the ways to trigger this sequence is to be attractive to a woman in a “different” way.  David DeAngelo calls this being “Different in a preferential way” (Double Your Dating, p 48).   So a great way to formulate attraction and to have the women attracted to YOU and trying to vie for YOUR attention is to understand what the elements of attraction actually are.

One of the key elements to attraction for a woman is the element of masculinity (you can read about the others in the Double Your Dating eBook in depth).  What masculinity is not: dumb jock bullying other people weaker than himself around.  Masculinity is NOT treating women like objects.  Masculinity is not bullying or being obnoxious.

Masculinity IS, however, a quiet confidence.  It is an aura about you of INTERNAL power that tells a woman you are capable and adept.  A masculine man will look people in the eye, have a firm handshake, be able to take a joke with aplomb, and be able to provide for himself and those dependent on him.
There is a lot of talk about being the “alpha male”.  Many men misconstrue that, and believe this means you have to be the ringleader like Biff on Back to the Future, picking on Marty to look cool.  No.  What it means is that you are the provider, you are the protector, you are the one RESPONSIBLE for your group.  Women can SENSE this in a man, because this used to be what determined the primordial mating sequence we talking about earlier.  Some evolutionary responses may take a backseat in modern times, but have NO doubt, my friend, they are STILL there.

So take a close look at your life and your interactions.  Think about what David DeAngelo says about being different in a “preferential” way.  Learn how to take the confidence and the lifestyle of the TRUE alpha male and apply it to your life, and watch how your interactions with women start to change in a positive way.

Carlos Xuma on How to Use Facebook to Meet Women in 4 Easy Steps…

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I’ve had quite a few guys ask me about using the latest in social networking to get hooked up meeting women.

Well, it’s actually not that hard, but you have to do it with some understanding of how to play the game. Because there are many ways to do it wrong, and only a few to do it right…

QUESTION ABOUT FACEBOOK:

Carlos, hey man, thanks for all your great advice…

I wanted to ask you about something – how can I use Facebook to meet women online?

I’ve heard that it can be done, but I can’t help thinking it would be weird and creepy to approach some of my friends’ friends like this and ask for a date.

But it seems like a MEGA opportunity to meet women.

How can I work this?

– Allen L., Houston

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

I’ve been eyeing this method to meeting women for some time, and I agree completely. It IS a mega-mega opportunity to meet women…
…if it’s handled right.

First of all, let’s remember the catastrophe that is “Myspace.” (May it rest in peace.) That social network has been so polluted and abused that it’s really not useful anymore. I know I don’t take it seriously.

What happened there?

Well, first of all, everyone got slammed with spam. A few clever programmers and bulk friend programs, and suddenly you had Myspace pages that looked like web sites from the year 1998.

Cheap backgrounds, silly wallpaper, and everybody’s page looked like a 14-year-old girl’s bedroom, complete with Britney Spears posters.

Enter Facebook.

A whole lot classier than its trailer-park cousin, Facebook has maintained a better image. But with a bunch of cool toys and add-ons that made it interesting and more fun.

So how can you work this great social networking tool to help you with your dating life – while not looking like some pervert who got kicked out of the alleys of Myspace?

I’ll give you a very simple 4-step model to use. This is the one that my friends and I have used consistently to get results online.

STEP 1: Connect with the guys – and other women – who have a lot of cute girl friends.

In other words, connect with people that YOU are not interested in dating who have big networks.

You must be very indirect at first using Facebook.

Remember the lesson from Myspace – Don’t be a spammer!

This is not “match.com” or an online dating site, so don’t just start sending out invites and emails hoping to score based on numbers. We’ve come to hate the abusers, and you’ll just get your sorry ass kicked right off.

Start out with light connections. Think “friends first.”

Don’t make your Facebook profile look like you’re trying to meet women. Be subtle.

What you’re trying to do is multiply your results and increase your connection potential by meeting more people who know more people.

If you just start trying to hit on the women you’re interested in right off the bat, you’ll be limiting your results with shortsighted thinking.

Think out to the LONG term. The more cool people you connect with and forge relationships with, the more likely you are to connect with a woman naturally.

STEP 2: Connect with women you are interested in VERY indirectly.

What you have to do is send a simple friend request – and make sure you include a message with it!

You just say something like, “Hey, I saw we’re both friends with Greg… Then I noticed you’re a snowboarder, too… Ever go to Tahoe?”

You see what I did there? I left a question INSIDE my friend request. For her to answer it, she’s going to feel compelled to add me.

It’s also just something people are looking to do. Let’s face it, we all measure our social success by how many people we’ve got as friends on Facebook. We all want a HUGE network, so women will WANT to add you – if only to increase their friend count.

STEP 3: Start leveraging the tools.

Facebook has a huge amount of potential for the guy who wants to take advantage of them. You can add all kinds of cute little applications to send virtual drinks to friends, send goofy gifts, or even start your own polls and surveys.

But one of the best tools you need to be using is the GROUP function on Facebook.

In fact, in preparing for this article, I created the group “Carlos Xuma’s Alpha Lifestyle” to start connecting you guys together and enabling men to share information.

You can do this, too. Just create a group based on your passion and your local area.

I’m going to advise you to avoid starting a group based on “Warcraft” or on the latest hot actress.

Make your group something a woman can relate to and might be interested in. Maybe it’s the television show “Lost…” or maybe it’s about all things Italian.

Ba-da-bing! Now you’ve got a hook to use to invite her into your group.

STEP 4: Start escalating and creating more opportunities.

Remember, this is a VIRTUAL tool. It’s online.

In other words, your connections don’t REALLY exist anywhere except on some server in an air-conditioned room in a data center somewhere.

It’s up to YOU to bring these connections to life with events that you can invite people to.

Most people will stroll around this virtual network, but then never take it into the REAL world. That’s where YOU come in.

Maybe once a month you should organize a happy hour at your local favorite bar. Or maybe you make a Facebook group for wine tasters, and then every other

Friday you meet up and go tasting the latest Pinot Noirs.

THAT is your opportunity to start looking for romantic potential in the groups. You have to remember that you can’t be a Facebook “pickup artist” and try to attract women online.

You have to build a network, forge some connections, and meet women in person to start creating the attraction.

That being said, you can also send out some playful introductions to women you don’t know and see if they bite. (Just make sure your profile has enough interesting bait for them to nibble at…)

Write on people’s walls…
Send a few virtual drinks…
Send some good karma…
Use the “Flirtable” app…

For the man with initiative, the Facebook world is yours.

So step up and start creating the social network, then start meeting the women in it.

By the way, if you’d like to add me as a friend, go look me up. Carlos Xuma on Facebook.com… Get Social!

Carlos Xuma is a well-known expert in the dating-seduction related field and an author of bestselling titles such as “Secrets of the Alpha Male”, “Approach Women – NOW!”, “Alpha Immersion” and “Alpha Man Communication & Persuasion”.

The Master Plan – You Were BORN To Attract Great Women

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Become The High Quality Man Women Crave With The Master Plan From Scot McKay

Lately there’s been lots of talk about “natural game”…as if all we need to do is emulate a guy who we see as a “natural”, and we’ll somehow become more attractive to women.

Now sure, having some guys who are great with women show you the ropes isn’t such a bad idea. But do we really need to copy someone else’s entire persona in order to successfully attract the kind of women we want?

Not according to Scot McKay. In fact, he has recently been saying something out loud that a lot of us as guys have been suspecting all along: We are all “naturals”. By being born male, we’re supposed to be attractive to women by our very nature.

 

[Read more…]

How to Get More by Asking More

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I want to introduce you to a unique concept that may finally change how you view your game with women.
I want to introduce you to a unique concept that may finally change how you view your game with women. First, let’s talk about your inner monologue, dude.

One of the most powerful personal development methods you can use to alter the course of your life (your DESTINY, really) is through the use of QUESTIONS.

Questions cut through and clarify the current state of affairs, and they help you see what may not have been visible before. However, they can only do this if you have the guts to answer them TRUTHFULLY. The man who lies to himself can never see the world clearly, and will then subject every bit of his reality to illusion – like looking at the world through distorted glass. In the short-term, he’ll make himself feel ‘better’ about things by lying to himself, but in the long-term he’ll just ensure his own failure.

Success is fleeting when it’s based on faulty understanding.

Ask yourself a few questions to clarify where YOU are right now:

  • Are you looking for just one woman to “settle down” with? If so, why?
  • Do you want to sleep with as many women as you can? And why?
  • Are you feeling that your skills in meeting and getting women interested in you are where you want them to be? If not, what are you doing to remedy this situation?
  • If you know you want something (a woman, a new job, a more comfortable social life), what is stopping you from having it?
  • Do you ever feel incapable of doing the things you know you need to do? Do you wish you had a “magic button” you could push that would get you in gear when you need to?

These questions focus on the one critical element of any drive to change your life: your MOTIVATION. Asking yourself questions allows you to find out what it is that kicks you in the ass and gets you moving toward your goals.

Without understanding what it is that drives you, you could spend your whole life saying something like this:
“I wish I knew somewhere to go to meet women.”
“I have the worst luck with women.”
“Yeah, I’ll be at work late. You know me – I’ve got no life.” (Even jokingly.)
“I’m happy being single.” (When it’s a cop-out for failures with women.)
“Yeah, I know, BUT…” (“But” what?)
“I’ll just rent a movie at home tonight…”
“I can’t find any women that are right for me…” (While only “meeting” one woman every couple of weeks or months at best.)

If there’s one person you have to tell the truth to in the end, it’s yourself, guys. The reality is that the ONLY way to improve your situation with women is to get out there and interact with MORE women. Of every kind imaginable. Friends, lovers, acquaintances, you name it. QUANTITY is the name of the game. MORE women means MORE opportunities. It’s a simple numbers game.

MORE women means more successes… and more failures. Remember that the sports superstars don’t just succeed more, they also fail more. But the failures aren’t failures to them, and they don’t mean anything to them. When you’re in a scarcity (and SCARED-ity) mindset, the failures hurt so much because they comprise a high proportion of your game.

If you meet 2 women and strike out with 1, that’s 50%. If you meet 10 women and strike out with 5, that’s still 50%, but you bet your ass you don’t care as much when you’ve got the other 5 saying “Yes, please.” Your RATIO of failures is the same, but you’ve just multiplied your successes by FIVE.

Pretty slick, huh? Let’s call this seduction math.

If the woman you’re looking for is one-in-a-thousand, guess how many women you’re likely to have to go through to find her?

“Uhhh…. heheh… Dude… I’m not good at math…”

Well, it would be nice if she showed up in the first ten or fifteen, but that’s not how Murphy’s Law works. If you have a 1 in 1000 shot, chances are your number will come up right around the end… say, Ms. 999 or Ms. 1000. So get busy.

If you find yourself saying “I’m just not lucky with women,” it’s nothing about LUCK. It’s that you aren’t exposing yourself to enough women to warrant MORE success.

EVERY question and problem works itself out if you approach enough women. EVERY bit of understanding and skill comes from the number of women you get into your life by taking action. Knowledge isn’t power – it’s only POTENTIAL. ACTION is what separates the men from the boys.

EVERY problem you’re having with your dating life right now can be traced back to some root causes, but most wind up being that guys simply don’t TRY enough. They don’t try, and they don’t succeed, and then they don’t ask themselves the all-important question:
What can *I* do to change this situation, instead of blaming something outside my control or sphere of influence?

And, that all-important follow up:
What do I need to start thinking in order to motivate myself to actually DO IT?

Ask yourself those hard questions. The difference in the quality of your life can be traced back to the decisions you make every day.

And every decision started out as a question.