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Inside the Mind of a Woman – How To Attract Her

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You know, I get a lot of dating questions from guys wondering why the heck women dress so sexy to go out, go to a bar, whatever, but then seem SO unapproachable and aloof.  It’s like she has dressed herself all up just to say, “Look, but you can’t touch!”  Have you ever felt that way?

Did you realize, though, that if you want to give dating tips for men, you have to actually learn to think like a woman?  It’s scary, man, not everyone can go there.  But I have a good therapist.

Well, from a woman’s perspective, an attractive woman does not really need to dress up to get a man’s attention.  However, it makes her FEEL good to do so, to look her best, and let’s admit it, guys – to look better than the other women there.  Sometimes you feel like you are in a lioness’ den when you walk into a place like that, where all the beautiful women are either in a group – or trying to pretend the others don’t exist.

Ok – so let’s quickly go through a couple of the real reasons women do that.

First – any woman wants to increase her assets.  She wants to be of a higher quality, in order to attract the highest quality man.  She wants that Alpha Male who can do all the right things for her – protect her, provide for her, make her feel the way she wants to feel, etc.

Second, she wants to crush the competition.  Hot women are COMPETITIVE.  They know the location of every other babe in the room, they know what she has her beat in and what the other woman posses that she wants.  It’s like a pack of she-wolves circling, except it’s all done without teeth baring and snarling.  Usually.

Third – she want to get the most attention and approval.  It’s true – they want attention – like little kids.  They look aloof and unapproachable because they are actually, underneath, insecure and don’t want to get hurt, and hoping the right man will approach them.

Do you want to be the right man?  Do you realize that choice is not made because of how you look?

Do you understand how this all has to do with basic human evolution and the need for the species to survive?

Look at it like this.  I am sure you have heard of Darwin’s theory the “survival of the fittest”.  It means the animals with the best genes reproduce.  The weak ones get killed.  The species evolves stronger and more intelligent with each generation.

So when you look at the attention an attractive woman wants, it is, in the basest of terms, her way of projecting her worthiness to carry on the genes, to be selected.  Do you see what I am getting at?  She wants to be the Alpha Female.

So if YOU, as a man, want to hook up with the Alpha Female – guess who you gotta be?  Right.  The Alpha Male.    Now, one more question.  What does the Alpha Female ALWAYS get from men?  Attention.  What does she want?  Attention.  What do you need to give her?

If you said attention, smack yourself in the head.

If you’re a beautiful woman who is always getting attention and approval from men and you meet a man who DOESN’T give you that attention and approval, it has an INSTANT and POWERFUL impact.

Furthermore, if the man you’re interacting with actively AVOIDS giving you attention… and gives you DISAPPROVAL, it can have the effect of instantly SCRAMBLING YOUR SYSTEMS.

Again, attractive women don’t meet a lot of guys that could care less about her beauty.   If you want to learn how to ATTRACT these “unusually beautiful” women, then you need to get a clue about what creates the idea in her mind that YOU are one of the most “desirable” men.

And how can you do that?  A.  Is it hitting the lottery and becoming a millionaire?  B.  Getting plastic surgery to look like John  Cena?  Or possibly learning to trigger the ATTRACTION in her?

I personally like the third one myself.  You?

Here’s the interesting thing about triggering attraction that I LOVE.  Once you do it, once you get it right, she cannot help herself.  I mean, can you?  When you are really attracted to someone, can you turn it off?  Nope.

Ok, shut up and tell me how to do this, right?  Right.  Ok- get into her head.  You are GORGEOUS, every man in there wants to buy you a drink, give you a compliment, and throw his coat on the puddle for you to walk over.  Gag.  It gets old.  So – you meet a guy who doesn’t offer you a drink.  Maybe he even asks HER to buy him a drink.  He bust on her, tells her how weird her shoes are says something like, “That is the UGLIEST DRESS I have ever seen!” in a fun and teasing way.  (Don’t spit on it or anything dude, ok?).  Have you heard of Cocky Comedy?  That’s what that basically is.

What are you?  You are not impressed by her beauty.  You are not groveling at her feet.  You are not showing her that you are attracted to her.  In fact – you are testing HER.

“Hmmmm…” she thinks.  “That’s different!”  And pretty soon, SHE starts feeling attraction toward YOU because you are showing her that you are the ALPHA MALE and you are ABOVE her.  If she wants you, she’s gotta work for it.  And she NEVER has to work for it.  So now she wants it.

Are you following me?

Good.  This is the first step toward becoming that Alpha Male that you need to be.  I can’t tell you everything there is about it in one short article, but I do have some recommendations for you for further study.  Go check out David Deangelo’s Double Your Dating eBook (Dude, it’s the best $20 you will ever spend) or his Cocky Comedy program.  These are priceless if you want to learn to beat gorgeous women at their own game.

Dating Advice for Guys – Tantalize her with scents

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One area that guys don’t take advantage of enough is the power of smell with a woman. Scents and smells are very important to them, and it’s been scientifically proven that women are much more sensitive than men to odors.

One of the most important reasons scents are good for engaging a woman’s attraction for you is that your sense of smell is connected to the most basic part of your brain, the part that was formed long before your ability to reason and think. This was because our early ancestors had to be able to react quickly to scents on the wind that could indicate a threat, such as a predator.

Smells have a way of bringing back memories. Have you ever had the experience of smelling something and having a complete flashback to something you remember from your childhood? It happens all the time, and it’s even more potent when you’ve associated a smell with something, like the smell of burning leaves in autumn, or the smell of homemade pizza. These smells evoke a state in us that pulls us back to the experiences we had with that smell.

I’ve walked into old houses before, ones that were humid and smelled of old bread and tea, and I had these flashes of walking into my grandmother’s house and the same odors there. It’s a little freaky how real it feels at times.

The way you use this with a woman is to find out what scents she indulges in when she wants to relax, or get passionate. I find that getting her into a candle store, or a bath-and-bodyworks type store is the best way. You get her to smell different things, and notice what she prefers. Vanilla is usually a good scent that you can almost bet she’ll like. Find out what she likes to take a bath with.

Scents for women can usually be broken up into two categories: musks and floral. Musky scents are like heavy perfumes, like Obsession. Floral scents are the ones that are, obviously, more like flowers. If she wears any kind of perfume, you can tell which she prefers by smelling what she’s wearing.

Take care with your choice of cologne. One tactic is to find out what cologne her dad used to wear and use that, but I find this strategy highly variable in terms of the response you’ll get. Better to choose the cologne that she remarks on and likes. Make it a point to put on too little rather than too much. You want her trying to get closer to you, not running and gagging from the smell. Have her give you a critique. “Hey, I just got this new cologne, but I’m not sure if I like it. Tell me what you think.” And she’ll have to lean in close to you to get a whiff. If she likes it, she’ll be back for more.
(And don’t go cheap on your cologne. It’s worth it.)

When you can get her sense of smell engaged, you are taking a shortcut to a part of her mind that responds in an almost primal way. She can’t reason or rationalize with it. You can get her in a state of your own choosing by choosing the right scent.

Learn What Women REALLY Want – a REAL MAN

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Have you ever heard a woman ask the question, “Where have all the real men gone?”  I know, you want to just shake her and ask her what the HELL she is talking about, right?  Well, the thing is – it seems that this “sensitive revolution” has basically neutered the male population.

Some people attribute that to the fact that more and more men are being raised by single women.  Others say that we are all doing it to ourselves – taking everything out of life that might accidentally offend an individual’s beliefs – trying to neuter EVERYTHING (like taking “God” out of the pledge of allegiance, taking the discipline out of schools and making sure everything that we say is politically correct to name a few methods).

Whatever you believe – it’s happening.  Society is turning Namby Pamby – and the women are the ones voicing it, asking where all the real men have gone.   To try to find a REAL man, women have developed a screening process – a test, if you will, to see if a man is a real man, or a wuss in man’s clothing.

You’ll notice women doing this when they are exploring the possibility of a relationship with you – like on a first date, or when things begin to become intimate.  This is how the beautiful women separate the men from the boys.  She is trying to find out, basically, if you are an alpha male.

There are many forms tests can take, of course, but once you are familiar with a few of them, you will be able to recognize them for what they are, and PASS them.  She might ask you for a gift or something she wants.  She could act snotty or have a tantrum, to see what she can get away with, or cancel your plans without notice to see what you do.  She might even tell you that you are annoying her to see if you will change your behavior.  (By the way, I learned all this by watching David DeAngelo’s program called On Being a Man!)

Now – these things may seem small to you.  However, to a woman, they are CRITICAL.  If you fail one of these tests, she is going to do one of two things – she is going to realize you are a wuss and not a real man and will walk all over you until she gets bored with you and then she will leave, or she will just realize you are a wuss and leave then.

So – how do you pass these tests and show her you are an alpha male?  Well, let’s imagine for a moment that you are a wolf – the leader of the pack, the alpha male who gets ALL the females in the pack.  If a female wolf came up tot eh alpha male and said, “Buy me this pretty trinket and I will give you the night of your life…” – what do you think he would do?  Would he go running off to the nearest wolf jewelry store and buy it?  Or would he laugh and say “Are you serious???  I hope not, because if you have not noticed, there are plenty of females in this pack besides you.”

Or, say for instance, one of the female wolves tells the alpha male that she is annoyed by something he does.  Does the alpha wolf say “OMG I am SO sorry!  I won’t EVER do that again!”   (I actually can see David DeAngelo cringing at that, sorry man!)  Uhhhhh – NO.  He will give her a playful smile and say, “Oh REALLY?” – and then he will do it again just to show her that she is not the alpha – HE IS.

And guys – this is IMPORTANT.  Women talk about Prince Charming – how they just KNOW he is out there and what all he will do for them.  But did you ever notice that Prince Charming has to know how to fight, how to keep the kingdom running, sweep her off her feet and take her to a destination of HIS choosing?  Prince Charming does not ask the Princess if she would like to be rescued today.  He takes charge and DOES IT, and she will follow.  If you want to learn more about being an alpha male, then take a look at David DeAngelo’s program, On Being a Man, and start giving women what they really want.

How to Meet Women on Facebook

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There are a lot of new venues coming out that can be used to meet women online.  Myspace was popular for a while, but then the spammers started hitting it and all the commercial crap – and pretty soon Myspace became a feeding frenzy – and meeting women online became a LOT harder.

But then Facebook came along – and did a MUCH better job of keeping out the internet mongers.   Thus it has become a reliable venue for meeting women online and can really breathe some life back into your dating life.  The thing is – you gotta know HOW to market yourself on Facebook so you don’t look like some jackass from Myspace who just got a new playground.

Here are four simple steps you can follow to begin to open the floodgates.

STEP 1: Connect with the guys – and other women – who have a lot of cute girl friends.  You have to be circumspect at the beginning, or you really could accused of spamming and kicked out.  So root out the people who have big networks – and become their friends.  Remember – in this case – friends FIRST!

Next – start trying to connect with the women you are interested in a very roundabout manner.  Send them a friend request with a message.  Now, if you send a message that says, “Hey baby you are HOT – wanna hook up?”  She is going to kick you right in your cyber-nuts and block you.  Instead – find something about her that you have in common, and find a person that you are both friends with.  Instead, say something like “Hey I saw you on Michael’s friend list and I noticed that you love to read too.  Have you ever read The Death Gate Cycle by Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman?”  Make sure it’s a question, too, so she feels compelled to answer you.

STEP 3: Start using the tools that Facebook offers.  If you are meeting women online, you have got to at least use the Group tool.  If you want to start doing that – check out the group “Carlos Xuma’s Alpha Lifestyle” – it is a totally cool way tyo get together with other MEN and discuss the latest dating tips for men on the internet.

Anyway – create a group that is something that women would like too.  Ok- so no Fantasy Baseball League Group.  Instead try something about maybe coffee or cooking, fitness, the latest reality show or local venues.  Something a woman can get into.  Then – invite her to your group!

The last step is where you really start getting into the good stuff.  Here is where you begin to take your Group offline – have a party at a local bar, or set up a group outing.  THIS is where you can start really meeting the women.  Have a wine appreciation group?  Go to wine tasting.  Have a gourmet food group?  Check out a new restaurant.  Get the drift, Kimosabe?

Ok – so this is some pretty basic stuff, but it can really liven up your dating life.  If you want to REALLY learn some tips and tricks for meeting women online, check out David Deangelo’s program called, coincidentally enough, Meeting Women Online.    Or – if you want to read some REALLY cool dating tips for men by Carlos Xuma (mentioned above – and you can actually hook up with him on Facebook.  Talk about a NETWORK!) check out his Dating Black Book of dating tips.

Want to Please Her? Then Tease Her Part 2!

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Remember, Tease to Please works because it short-circuits her usual defense mechanisms to meeting ‘strange’ men. You see, every woman comes with her factory-installed defense mechanism against meeting new guys. When a guy approaches her, for any reason, she assumes you’re picking up on her. It’s what she’s gotten used to. All women are by now, and they all have a standard routine of being a little stand-offish to you until you bust past this barrier.

Let’s continue:

Remember when you were just an eight-year-old kid on the playground? There were all these ‘strange’ creatures playing around the sandbox. They were called girls, and they seemed so bizarre and foreign to you. They were delicate and interesting in a way that you couldn’t quite explain, but you knew that they were different.

How do kids treat those that are different? They tease them.

“Mary, Mary, she’s so hairy!”
“Where’d you get that backpack? Looks like a hunchback!”
“Jenny’s got a CARROT top!”

Boys teased girls. Girls teased boys. Everyone made fun of everyone else. It was sandlot politics at its best, and you learned very quickly that you had to develop a callus to the teasing, or you’d get bruised pretty badly. (Some kids never adjusted, and grew up with their own sandbox issues.)

Ah, what fun those days were.
Well, sort of.

We learned some very primitive social interactions there, but the principles still held for many of us. (Hey, whether or not you like it, we’re a lot closer to those kids in the playground than the adults you think we are. Everyone is still a little kid inside.)

I’ll be willing to bet you that you teased more girls because you liked them than you did because of any genuine weirdness. Sure, there’s some cruelty, but the first social interaction most boys have with girls is when they teased them mercilessly. And what happened? The girls stuck up for themselves. They teased back. And they didn’t realize it at the time, but this set in motion a whole pattern of behavior that led to them being very interested and attracted when they are CHALLENGED.

That’s right, boys. Teasing is all about raising the stakes of challenge to her, and letting her know that you don’t get all mushy inside when you get near a girl. No confidence = no attraction from her.

Tease to Please is a simple strategy. By teasing, you emulate a lot of the self-confidence you need to demonstrate with a woman. That’s really the secret in a nutshell. Call it what you want, Cocky and funny, confident and humorous, Tease to Please. You are showing her you have the balls to not roll over and pant like a whipped dog every time a woman comes near you.

Here’s how you do it:
When we left off, you’d just delivered your introduction. Now you are in a position to continue the conversation as you see fit. You’ve disarmed her natural defenses and opened up your opportunity to engage her attraction mechanism. You do this through Teasing.

Here’s one of the examples we used last time:

Example: She’s got bright red shoes on.

YOU: “Wow, those are … interesting shoes. My sister might like a pair like that. Where’d you get them…?”
HER: “Oh, these? Uhm, I got them at Macy’s. They’re really old. I was looking to get a new pair.”
YOU: “Well, my sister is pretty young, but she’d like that style. For an OLD lady … (PAUSE) … you’re a pretty sharp dresser.” You give her a SLIGHT smile that says “That was a joke.”

Remember, “sister” can be changed to aunt, or cousin, or whatever. You can use my standard response I gave you for now, but you’ll do better if you learn how to think on your feet and come up with more personal and customized versions. There are a whole host of teasing responses. Here are some others (delivered with that sly smile):

“Well, with heels that high, you better watch out for awnings. And low-flying planes.”
“How many feet have you crushed with those things? I’m wearing steel-toes, so don’t try it on me.”

Let’s say it’s about a ring she’s wearing:
“Well, my sister likes those ‘groovy’ rings, too. Do you have a mood ring? I bet you were the kind of girl to wear one of those. Was it blue all the time? You look like you have cold hands.”
“My sister likes toe rings like that. Do you wear them on your toes, too? Just don’t tell me you have a weird piercing, like your butt-cheek. That would just be TOO freaky.”
“Wow, that thing is HUGE. I bet you have to leave it off when you go swimming, huh? Or else you’d sink right to the bottom.”

It goes on and on. In fact, you could sit down and just think up a handful of these for a few different items of clothing (shoes, purse, jacket) and/or jewelry and be set for almost ANY encounter.

Doesn’t it feel great to know that you can now control your meetings and increase your ratios?
No, no, please, hold your applause…

Remember: Don’t be insulting. Be TEASING. Teasing is done with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor. You kid with her. If you make fun of her in a mean or malicious way, you’re out. If you don’t let her know you’re kidding, you’re out.

The point of all this is to:
A) Get her laughing
B) Challenge her (by demonstrating Self-confidence and that you’re DIFFERENT.)

After you joke with her a little, make a decision if this is a woman you might be interested in. If so, you smile and start to walk away. Then, turn right back and TELL her (don’t ask):

“Hey, you know, we might like to continue this conversation sometime. Write down your number for me.” (Memorize this phrasing to use.)

An alternate approach: “Hey, you know, I might like to continue this conversation sometime. Write down your email address for me.”

If she says she doesn’t have a pen, you DO, and hand it to her. If she says she doesn’t have email, tease her some more: “No email? You didn’t just get off a desert island did you?” Smile. “Here, just give me your home phone.” (As she starts writing): “Uhm, your REAL number. I’m just going to call you as soon as I get home and leave a dozen annoying messages on your answering machine.” Smile. Take her number and leave. Don’t tell her you’ll call. Leave her wondering.

That’s it. You disarm her defenses by keeping a sense of humor. You show self confidence and challenge her by teasing a little. Then you ask for what you want, and then you leave. You’re a busy guy, with a busy schedule of too many women to meet.

This completes your education on the Tease to Please approach. Now, as I said before, for such an invaluable and easy to use technique (given to you FREE, I’ll add) the least you can do is to start putting it to use. I want to hear from guys who go out and start getting some action from the use of this.

‘Cause I’ll guarantee you one thing: You will get more responsiveness from women with this simple approach than ANY other tactic. More response = more practice. More practice = more dates. More dates = more sex. Or more relationships, or whatever it is you want. It all starts here.

Get more women in your life. THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS.

Let’s hear from those out there who are ready to stop doing what doesn’t work and start learning to improve your odds. Write to me. Tell me what you did and how it worked. (But remember, if all you’re going to do is try to shoot holes at it without having tried, I’m going to cut you to shreds…