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Winning Her Over On The First Date

February 14, 2014 By GetTheGirl

Make sure your strategy is to “win her over” and not “beating her at the game.”

First dates make or break a potential new relationship. With so much on the line, obviously most of us come into them a bit nervous. It doesn’t have to be such a stressful experience though. It is hard to talk yourself into relaxing but you will probably feel a lot more at ease if you start off with a game plan. Try to keep these three basic ideas in mind so that you can get through your first date with ease.

Remember That It Isn’t a Test

You aren’t at a job interview. This is not a test of your manners. She isn’t writing down all of your life’s accomplishments as you list them. It just a first date so try to relax. Try to just simply treat her as a friend that you are getting to know. You shouldn’t be coming on too strong in a romantic sense so it is all around better to just treat her as a person that you are trying to get to know. Be as laid back as you can be. Don’t talk about work. Don’t quiz her. Once you get comfortable, tease her (gently!) about something. Tell her that she’s flirting with you.

The most important thing is that you stop acting like you are trying to sell yourself. Keep in mind that this is also an opportunity for you to decide if you like her. It is most definitely not all about you getting her to like you. Focus more on getting to know her. If you are feeling anxious, start asking her questions and let her take over the conversation.

Don’t Check In With Her

Confidence is always critical. No matter how nervous you are, try to at least fake some degree of confidence. Never ask her how she thinks the date is going. Don’t ask her if she likes you. More importantly, never assume that she doesn’t like you and start talking yourself down to her. Be casual. It’s not very likely that you would go out with a friend and ask him if he was having a good time. You should be much better at reading people than that so just trust your instincts. If she looks miserable, try to change something. If she looks like she is having a good time, just assume that she is enjoying herself.

Pay Attention to Your Body Language

Here is an example of body language: Would you believe him if he said he wasn’t nervous or uncomfortable?

It is often said that your body language is more important than what you actually say and there is definitely some truth to it. Body language is especially important in dating because she is going to be paying close attention to you, whether it is consciously or unconsciously. Make a serious effort to maintain positive body language. Be sure that you are maintaining eye contact while you are talking to each- and don’t forget to blink! There’s a difference between coming across as attentive and just plain crazy. Pay attention to her body language as well and try to mirror her every so often so that she feels at ease. If none of this feels natural, pay attention to your body language next time that you are around friends so you can get comfortable being aware of it.

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Tips to End Conflict Between Couples

January 31, 2014 By GetTheGirl

Leave the gloves on, as in using padded punches and none below the belt!

Discuss your differences of opinion only when both are in a good mood. Avoid discussing the topic of conflict if even one of you is in a terrible mood. Delay discussion till you are not clouded with overwhelming emotions.

Avoid melodrama: Both of you should not make sweeping, melodramatic statements. You are not in the race for Oscar awards. Instead focus on solving the issue of disagreement.

Don’t bring up other issues: Handle one issue at a time and don’t bring up multiple issues while handling a particular one. Stick to the topic under discussion and don’t bring up past grudges.

You must not raise your voice: Getting worked up to a heated tone of voice will not help in solving the problem. Even if all is forgotten, a spouse will never forget that you talked to him or her in a loud tone that upset them.

Don’t delay due to pride: Very often, pride stops us from arriving at an amicable solution. Give up your ego and grab the opportunity for a compromise as soon as one presents itself.
Conflict can be very emotionally taxing and lead to depression.

Don’t publicize your disagreement: Do not ever discuss your disagreements with others like your parents or friends. Do not argue in public as it is damaging to your self-esteem. A couple should feel that they can safely trust to speak with each other without fear that a third-party will be involved in the intimate discussion.

Don’t sleep over your discord: Even if you reach a deadlock in your discussion, try arriving at a stale mate or a temporary respite. Don’t go to sleep with the conflict weighing on your mind. Devote the next day to consolidating the compromise reached.

Check for patterns that add to discord: There are many interaction patterns, which destroy a relationship. Check out for these and get rid of these patterns:

Patterns include starting discussions on the wrong foot, criticizing the other, making attacks on the other’s personality, feelings of mutual contempt, devaluing the other, counteracting the character of a partner, indulging in blame game etc. A contrasting pattern is stonewalling or distancing on one side and flooding or heightening criticism on the other. Another harmful interaction pattern is, doubting the motives of the partner.

Discussing the issue before trying to solve it: While trying to settle a problem, try to have a discussion such that each partner gets the opportunity to put across his or her point of view. For this, define the problem and then together examine each one’s opinion of the problem. Make sure both have been heard and understood.

Solving the issue: An issue discussed is half the problem solved. You can adopt the following steps: First set the agenda or identify the problem. Next brainstorm, even putting down ideas on paper. Converse the pros and cons of an achievable solution. Choose a strategy which you both are fine with. Agree to carry out the solution and fix a time to follow-up on the decision

Conflict means disagreeing, not getting physical. If there is any chance of physical confrontation it is time to walk away immediately and talk it out over the phone until emotions settle.

BONUS TIP: Once you have made up or resolved the conflict, set some boundaries up so that it will not escalate to such a degree of threatening the relationship. Depending on the conflict issue, these could be anything that signals one or both of you are heading down a wrong path. An example might be that you do not like her boss calling her after hours for non-business related issues. A “border” crossing would be her answering his after hours call – after you both agreed that it was inappropriate.

Top 6 Blind Date Fears

January 23, 2014 By GetTheGirl

If you can help it, don’t pull a “no-show”. It would be much better to end the date early.

Dating can be uneasy at the best of times, but blind dates can be particularly uncomfortable for us guys. Effectively, by arranging a blind date, you are agreeing to meet up and spend time with a woman you’ve never seen before and this brings with it a host of emotions, from fear and dread to excitement and happiness. Here are some of the most common fears faced by guys who are planning or going on blind dates:

1. Should I actually go?

Most men have experienced the ‘should I, shouldn’t I’ dilemma just before an early date of any kind and this can happen even if you know somebody, you like them and you’ve had a good time on previous dates. However, the impact of it being a “blind date” adds that element of the unknown. Reality begins to set in when you’re getting ready or you’re on your way to the date causing nerves and an increase in adrenalin. If you concentrate on it too much, turning around and running for the hills may seem like the easy way out. But hey, it’s one night that could out to be very worthwhile. Don’t plan anything longterm in your head right now – other than longterm being the end of the night. If you’re nervous, try to stay calm and rationalise the situation; if you don’t like the person, you don’t have to stay for long and you never have to see them again.

2. What shall I wear?

This is an age-old dilemma, which confronts most guys when they are going on a date with somebody they’ve never met before or they don’t know well. You want to look good, but you don’t want to look like you’ve made too much effort or go over the top. Try to ensure that you are comfortable and that you feel confident; if you’re not sure if something is a bit tight and you keep pulling at it before you even get out of the house, this is probably not the best choice, as you will only feel more self-conscious when you are on your date. Try to dress for the location and the situation; if you’re going to the cinema, for example, you don’t need to be really dressy.

3. How should I greet my date?

This is a quandary that faces many people in day-to-day situations, as well as on dates; should you kiss, kiss twice, air kiss, hug, shake hands or just politely say hi? It’s difficult to know how to react to people you’ve never met before, but often a polite kiss on the cheek is the best option, as a handshake is rather formal and business-like and a hug may be a little awkward at the first meeting.

4. What should we talk about?

A glass of wine helps you both relax a little and can help with the conversation.

To some men, conversation comes very easily, but if you struggle sometimes or you find that it takes you a while to feel confident enough to chat properly with a girl, then it’ a good idea to have some talking points at the ready. Ask your date about their work, their family and their interests and try to find some common ground; if you establish things you have in common, this should help conversation to flow more easily.

5. What should I do if there are awkward silences?

Silence can be very awkward when you first meet somebody, so try to stay relaxed, have some questions ready and choose a date, which provides talking points for your first meeting; going for dinner can be quite difficult with somebody you’ve never met, so why not consider something a bit less formal, like a trip to the zoo, go karting, a picnic in the park or a boat trip, or consider having another couple join you at the beginning of the date. Perhaps you were introduced by them.

6. What if I don’t find the girl attractive?

The emphasis is on looks with a blind date, as you have nothing else to judge your date on; however, just because you don’t find somebody attractive initially, doesn’t mean that you won’t grow to find them more attractive thru the night, as you uncover other aspects of them, such as their interests, their values and their character and personality. Never be put off somebody because they aren’t ‘your type’; you really don’t know that yet and the fact that you are dating means that things haven’t gone right in the past, so perhaps what you think is your type, actually isn’t the best match for you.

Once the blinders come off, you two might really hit it off!

If all goes well in the end and the two of you hit it off, it’s always important to remember to practice safe sex and use the right protection.

5 Key Steps to Meeting Women

January 20, 2014 By GetTheGirl

Have fun meeting new women and don’t take it too seriously…yet!

What guy doesn’t want to meet more women? Or find that special one. In general, most women feel the same way and would like to know more guys. It’s a part of human nature to want to meet new people and expand our network of friends and those we hope to make more than friends. But being humans, we have managed to turn this natural tendency into an insurmountable obstacle fraught with fear and anguish. But really, it doesn’t have to be that difficult or intimidating. Following are five ways to help you meet more women.

Don’t Be Afraid of Failure

Everybody fails. The problem is that the older we get the more adverse we are to it. As an example, look at how often babies fail in their efforts to learn to walk. But because they attach no importance to failure, they keep trying and eventually succeed.

Focus on your home runs and even your “walks” (you’re not out and you got to first base).

Need an adult sized example? Look no further than some of the greatest sports figures in history. Most home run kings were also strike out kings as well. Michael Jordan missed far more last second shots at the hoop than he hit, but who remembers the failures? What set them apart? They refused to quit in spite of missing the mark. Instead, these guys took failure in stride and refused to let it affect their winning attitude. They kept trying.

This is the same attitude you should have when it comes to meeting women. Like baseball, you’ll win some, lose some, and have a few rained out. Take it all in stride. There will be women that won’t be interested in you. Fret about it for a bit if you must, but don’t let it define who you are.

Instead of focusing on being turned down by a woman, consider what you could have done better. Learn from your mistakes and avoid them with your next interaction. Before you realize it you’ll be hitting that game winning shot at the buzzer.

Develop your Conversation Skills

Learn to listen. Women want to be valued. A sure way to make her feel special and score points at the same time is to listen to her. To prove you’ve been paying attention, start off your next sentence with a quick summary of her main point, such as “What you’re saying is…”

Also learn to give genuine complements. Every woman has something special about them that deserves attention. As you’re walking down the street or watching TV, for every woman you see, think of a compliment you could give them. The more you practice this strategy the better and more natural it will become. In no time you will even surprise yourself at how easy the complements roll off your tongue.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Besides not meeting any women, you’ll get a stiff neck…

If you have never gone up to a stranger and said hello, make that a goal. If you have a hard time meeting women it is because you never try to meet women. Take your interaction with the opposite sex to the next level. If you are comfortable with giving a woman a friendly greeting, then force yourself to give her a compliment as well. Or when making eye contact with a woman, let your gaze linger for an extra split second.

Look Out for Your Looks

Your looks play a big part in your overall confidence. If you are going out in public where you may have the opportunity to interact with women, take stock of your appearance. Before you even utter a word to a woman, she is sizing you up by the other signals your body is sending, including your dress and grooming.

Before running out to the store or on an errand, change that shirt you’ve been wearing all weekend. Take a few minutes to clean up. If you are already hesitant about approaching a woman, you certainly won’t if you know you look like you’ve just been rescued off a deserted island.

Get Involved

Be the BEAR!

Go to where the women are. Take a lesson from a bear. When a bear is hungry, he goes to where the food is, whether it’s a stream full of fish or just eating berries. He doesn’t wait around and hope his quarry comes to him. He seeks it out. So the lesson? Be the bear. Get involved in activities and go to places where you are surrounded by women.

Brett Collins fancies himself an amateur psychologist when it comes to how men interact with women. On those rare moments when his two young daughters allow him some free time, he spends it writing on behalf of Hair Physicians.

Beware of Being a “Work Husband”

December 31, 2013 By GetTheGirl

The concept of ‘work husband’ has become quite popular these days. The term refers to a special relationship a man and woman share at the work place. Both are actually comfortable with each other on personal and professional terms. In essence, a very special relationship outside marriage or dating. Sometimes such a relationship can pose a serious problem if one of the partners is already married or engaged with someone else.

In order to make this relationship work, it is necessary that you make it clear, and precise. It is always recommended keeping it within the friendship zone, or else it might create a problem for both of you. Sharing ideas and viewpoints is not a bad idea, but it is equally important to set a boundary for the same. This will save you from lots of hassles, which otherwise are faced by couples who indulge into such a relationship. This rule is exclusive for that spouse who is already married or into another relationship.

Keep away from private life:

It takes two to have an affair at work. It only takes one to stop it.

This is one of the biggest mistakes that such “couples” commit. If the relationship is just a friendship, then, it is suggested that you can be open about the relationship and she can talk about it with her boyfriend or spouse. You can do so with your colleagues so that they would take your relationship in the right manner. If either of you are hiding anything serious about your work relationship, that is a definite signal something is a miss and you have exceeded far off in a relationship. In this case, you need to be aware and prepared of the consequences.

Limit your friendship:

If she is married, it is necessary to set in some boundary, as it will save you from any unwanted hassle and issues. It’s always recommended that you don’t share all or private information with her because you will be inviting her into your personal life. Your girlfriend or other “girlfriend” type relationships will be hindered. Editor’s note: We feel it is our job not only to help you get the girl of your dreams, but keep her! Things like how happy and unhappy you are with your girlfriend is something that you need to keep to yourself – discuss it with her, not your “work buddy.”

Author:

The author is an experienced writer and is working with Love Wale. In this article, he has clearly stated the points that have to be thought about while developing a relationship at the workplace.