Personality and the Biggest Male Mistake with Women

This is one of the questions I get on the alpha male system all the time.  How can you have the right attitude, the right personality, to reflect your alpha male stature and get the women?  In other words, how do you begin becoming an alpha male?

Well, have you ever met someone that you felt was just really boring? Bland? Dull? It’s interesting, because it’s rarely about what a person HAS that adds up to their being boring; it’s what they’re MISSING. Personality…

Have you ever met someone that you felt was just really boring? Bland? Dull?
It’s interesting, because it’s rarely about what a person HAS that adds up to their being boring; it’s what they’re MISSING. A person lacks personality because they are like a song without any hook or catchy riff.

Man – they are elevator music!!!!

You gotta have personality if you’re going to get a woman interested in you.

A woman has to feel that static crackle around you, that you’re not like the rest of the chumps with “LOOKING FOR SEX” tattooed on their foreheads.  You have to have the confidence and charisma to show your alpha male personality.

She wants to see some spark, some glimmer of magical presence that you carry.

A woman walks through life fairly bored with her relationship possibilities. I have a theory that most men don’t really challenge them at all. For you to make an impression, you just have to offer her something she doesn’t usually get from the salad bar.

Can you excite her? Can you demonstrate that you are a confident man with qualities that separates him from that pack of wild hyenas?

To snap her out of her stupor, what would you be willing to do? What if I told you that you don’t have to do much to wake her up? You don’t have to juggle, or dance, or perform acrobatics.

You’ve just got to stand out from the rest of the guys out there. You’ve got to be willing to display some PERSONALITY.

What makes up the traits of an alpha man personality?

• Mystery – The self-control to keep certain secrets and avoid telling her everything about you.
• Humor – Make her laugh
• Confidence – The willingness to be independent and not needy of a woman
• Originality – Thinking different than the crowd
• Excitement and Positivity – The great attitude and energy of a person with a purpose
• Hobbies and interests – OTHER than women. This is what it means to “get a life.”
• Conversational Ability – The ability to communicate with women on a level they can understand and get excited about

There are other, subtler traits that could be talked about in boring detail, but these are the important aspects of projecting a winning personality to women.

If I were to boil it down to just two of these, I’d say humor and conversational ability are the foundation, and the others just serve as polish to make you gleam in her eyes.

If you can make her laugh – a real laugh that says she finds you witty and amusing, without putting yourself down – you will get her to open the door of opportunity for you.

If you can talk to her about that and everything else in between, without making her feel like you’re trying to get her into bed, that you appreciate her as unique and special, you’ll get to step inside that door of opportunity.

PERSONALITY SABOTAGE

Would you like to know what you’re doing that sabotages this along the way?

There’s one thing you do that undermines all this effort to get her attracted with your witty conversation, and you have to get rid of it to succeed long term.

The single behavior that shoots down more potential relationships and is completely under your control is ….Are you ready for this?

The single behavior that shoots down more potential relationships and is completely under your control is ….I’m not sure I should tell you this, but you need to know. It’s important …

The single behavior that shoots down more potential relationships and is completely under your control is ….
COMING ON TO A WOMAN TOO STRONG.

Now the funny part about me telling you that is that you can hear me tell you this, and you’ll even nod your head and say, “Yeah, dude, I know…”  (OR you are thinking, “Aren’t ALpha MALES SUPPOSED to come on strong??”

BUT YOU WON’T STOP DOING IT!

Why?

Why can’t you stop yourself?

I got in a discussion with a female friend of mine the other day. She came in and told me that she was going to Boston and hoped things would go well on this business trip. She said she thought there was an 85% chance that she wouldn’t get all stressed out. I asked her, “Well, what accounts for that other 15%?” She said, “Oh, that’s stuff I can’t control.“

I waited for a beat, then I said, “How you feel and react is 100% under your control. It’s whether you CHOOSE to or not. How you react is ALWAYS under your power. No one else makes you do anything.“

She wanted to argue with me over whether her reaction was 100% under her “responsibility” rather than control, but I refused to back down. She was just trying to find a reason to excuse herself for not doing things she knew she needed to do. Responsibility is not the same as actually understanding that you are not under some other mystical power or influence. YOU are the one who does everything. By choice.

We could go into a whole circular debate over the nature of free will here, but I won’t. You need to take both responsibility AND control of your actions. When you fail to do what you know you must do, there’s a REASON. And until you find out what that REASON is, you’ll probably never change your behavior.

So back to my original point – why do men come on strong to women? (Since this is the one part of your personality that will sabotage all your work unless you can control it.)

It’s because we’re in a hurry. We lack the self-discipline to slow it down.

Men want quick affection, sex, and security with a woman. And then we want the space and relaxed distance.

Women want space and relaxed distance. THEN they want affection, sex, and a build-up of trust and security.

Do you see how this ruins your work?

If you come on too strong, she backs off. If you come on slow and easy (which also demonstrates confidence and self-control) she’ll go along with you.  The alpha male is always in control.  He is never deperate.

Can you see what you’re doing wrong and correct it, without having someone tell you to your face what you may be doing to put them off?

Can you let go of what other people think of you and act based on your internal compass instead of their judgments?

And then can you exercise the self control you need to in order to stop coming on too strong to her? She won’t date you or sleep with you just because you push her hard enough. She’ll do it because her attraction mechanism inside her is turned on by your personality, and then feeling that she has the space to reach forward and act on her desires with you. She cannot do this if you’re all over her like white on rice.

Learn the reasons why you can’t stop yourself from doing what you know you should do. Learn what these mechanisms are inside you that keep you from doing the things you know you must, and then change them.

---

Do Chicks = Trouble?

You may or may not recognize that as the title of one of Motley Crue’s latest songs.  This is a GREAT lyrical example of the way that men have no idea what an alpha male is or how to be confident around women.

(I’m a relic of the heavy metal days when bands were rowdy and trashed hotel rooms, so I had to grab their album…)

Well, I was listening to the lyrics to this song, and I thought that this is the perception that some guys have of women when they don’t know how to handle her natural feminine force.

Oh, yeah. Just like Darth and Obi Wan, women have a very powerful ‘force’ all of their own.

It’s their FEMININITY.

You know it.

You’ve felt it when they walk by you in those short-short jean shorts and that thin little T-shirt that says: “Girls Rule” on it.

Just a moment of shared eye contact and you feel your solar plexus tighten up like a drum…

Yowza…

Hit me with some more of THAT….!

Just sitting here and thinking about that kind of feeling makes me smile, because it’s something I’ve experience a thousand times, and I know YOU have, too.

It’s the best kind of feeling, but unfortunately, it does nothing for our confidence and ability to manage the women in our life.

Let’s be clear here…

The only chicks that = trouble are the ones that you LET run wild in the playground of your life.  They are the ones that YOU lose your alpha male powers to because you WUSS OUT.

I’ll admit that back when I didn’t have a lot of ability to handle the crazy crap that girls sometimes throw at you, I had a lot of troubles. But I found out later that these same women could be as tame as kittens when they were around men who knew their MASCULINE power.

Oh, yeah. Just like Darth and Obi Wan, men have a more powerful force all of our own.

It’s our MASCULINITY.  Its our ALPHA MALE right.

For some people, that word has managed to sound almost negative lately. Don’t be fooled.

Being a man has never been more important.

So back to that song…

Do chicks really = trouble?

Only if you cannot be the leader – the Alpha Man – who knows how to manage her energy with your own energy.

You ever been out at a bar and a group of women are together, and one of them hears a song the DJ puts on, and she screams: “Ohmigod! Ohmigod! I sooooo requested this! Come on, we have to go dance!”

And she promptly yanks your girl away from right in front of you to go up on the dance floor…

Some guys call this “cockblocking,” but it’s really just girls being girls.

And it’s annoying as hell when it happens, isn’t it? You feel abandoned. Like the rug was just pulled out from under you.

You know what I do when this happens to me?

I just invite myself out with them on the dance floor, making sure to keep my target in my sights, while still getting all funky and dancing with the whole group.

AND I make sure that I’m having more fun than anybody in that group in the process.

You see, most guys either go out on the dance floor against their will, or they just follow-along to avoid being abandoned.

Or, they simply don’t do ANYTHING. They wait around until the group gets tired and comes back with their new drinks…

…and 3 new guys they met while bumping and grinding on the dance floor.

Ah yes. Crazy times.

You see, in a bar or club, or just on the street corner, the person who has the strongest reality will be the leader of the situation. The person that’s most convinced of their own value will rule.

That better be YOU, or the woman will simply never get very attracted to you.

Think back to the guys you see leaving bars with chicks on their arm…

Yup. They’re the guys that are most in control of the situation, leading the women, and having MORE fun than most of the people they’re with.

But if your headspace is filled with more concerns and worries than it is with fun, chances are you won’t do too well. You’ll give off the vibe of the “needy” guy, and women can pick up on this.

And that’s why I’m here to tell you – once again – that chicks do NOT equal trouble if you’re the one in control of the situation – if you are the alpha male.

Not being a dick and controlling things, but just knowing that no matter what happens, you’re the guy with the plan and the path to fun.

The chorus in that Motley Crue song goes: “They’ll kick you when you’re down in the ditch…”

Which is completely untrue.

IF you’re a guy who can sniff out the drunk, obnoxious girls.

And keep your ass out of the ditch!

But let me put something to you…

Wouldn’t it make sense to go find the QUALITY women that are out there?

These are the classy gals that are all over the place, but they don’t really go to the bars or clubs.

• She might be reading a magazine in the local bookstore…
• She might be in front of you in the line at Starbucks…
• She might be on her cell phone on a street corner…
• She might be in the produce section of your grocery store…
• She could be anywhere in the other 96% of your life that you don’t spend in bars.

And every time you see her, you just wished you knew what to say to her to start a conversation with her…

Well now you can find out.

All you have to do is learn how to use your “Day Game.”

This skill is called “Day Game,” because you don’t have to do be in a bar or club at night to do it.

What it’s really about is approaching women ANYTIME and ANYPLACE you want to meet women.

I believe this is the strongest strategy for meeting women because it doesn’t depend on special rules to get you into a conversation with a woman.

And you see women all day long – everywhere you go…

Imagine if you could just walk up and meet any attractive woman you see, and never have that feeling of tension and anxiety in your gut…

No more “Approach Anxiety…”

What would that do for your confidence?

How many more dates would you have?

What would that do for your love life?

All I can tell you is that when guys see these skills put to use, they are envious of the guys that have them.

THAT is what living the Alpha Lifestyle is about. Creating the kind of life that other men would envy – and that other women want to be a part of.

---

 

You are here because you are looking for tips on becoming an alpha male, right?  You want to learn to be the alpha man, the top dawg, and you want more confidence with women and more success in dating.  I hear ya, man.

So, I was talking the other day with a friend, (a fellow Alpha Male) and he was joking about the way boys grow up, drawing dicks on desks, and how they would write the notes to the girls to find out if they liked him or not.

This really got me thinking again about how we’re brought up, and how we learn to treat women.

Think back to when you were a kid. When you had a crush on a girl, what did you do?

Sure, you did what most of the boys did (lacking social skills)… You somehow thought that if you wrote her a note, disclosing your TRUE feelings for her, that she would somehow jump in your lap.

What did you write her? Something like: “Do you like me? Check one: Yes / No”

Then you’d slip it into her book bag, or on her desk. Or maybe you’d hand it to her as you ran to your bus.

And what did she do? Well, some girls would just take it and show it to their friends, giggling and laughing, crushing our little child egos. Then, many of the girls would write back.

She’d NEVER check Yes, even if she did like you. Most often, what would she do? She’d write in “MAYBE.” And the pattern began.

Don’t mistake what I’m going to say here as some kind of disguised male anger, but: Guys were setup from that point on to always be subject to the whims of female sexual power and control. They learned that a girl’s approval could make them feel bad or good about themselves. All with a little check mark.

What we didn’t learn was that they couldn’t affect our confidence – unless we LET THEM.  There was no system in high school for becoming an alpha male and getting through all this with our asses intact.

Think about that for a minute. Isn’t this the SAME damn pattern we go through as teenagers, and then adults?

A man is interested in a woman. He starts thinking about her all the time. He wants to know if this is worth pursuing.

So he asks her out, and after the first date, he goes home and thinks about her some more. He wants to know what’s going on. What does she think about him?

Then he wants to lock it down. He gets impatient and calls her up, and he tells her his feelings for her. Then he asks: “Do you like me?”

He asks it again with his supplicating and insecure behavior, even if he never actually says the words.

You see, guys think in black-and-white. Yes or no. Like me or not. None of that “Maybe” crap.

Guys don’t want the drama of riding an emotional roller coaster. But girls grow up loving that drama.

And what happens the second he tries to pin her down? To tell him what she thinks of him? She becomes harder to get. She becomes more elusive and distant.

She stops feeling attraction because it’s obvious that he NEEDS her in some way.  And THAT is not alpha male behavior – even if the woman has never heard the term “Alpha Man” – she knows what it is and what she wants.

You see, a woman KNOWS that sexuality is her POWER.  She knows if you are not an alpha male.

A man holds the might, but a woman controls the zipper. So he must play the Game.

And since guys are not brought up to understand this game very well, they are unsure of the rules.

Think about what it’s like to learn a new card game. When you first start playing, your eyes glaze over a bit as the person starts to explain the rules. Then you realize that the best way to learn is to just play it. After a while, you get the hang of it and it becomes fun. But at first, when you don’t know what to do and when, it’s stressful. Not very fun at all.

If I were to tell you that I know a card game where the rules seem to change every time you play it, and the only way you can bet is with your heart and emotions, and that you never really get to see any of the cards until you’ve already lost, would you be interested? HELL NO!

Most guys would laugh and hit the Roulette wheel again before they’d chance on that losing proposal.

But that’s the card game of dating and seduction, guys.

The women have all the cards, and you can only figure out which is which by learning to read how she’s holding them. The more you don’t want to see the cards, the more she wants you to look at them. The more you try to peek at the cards, the worse your hand gets. But that’s the game, gentlemen. Like it or not.

But this game is winnable. I do it and see it all the time. The secret to winning this game is that the CARDS DON’T MATTER. It’s how you PLAY them. (The funny part of this card game is that if you play the game right, your cards actually get better and better, until you can be holding five or six aces. Screw it up, and you can actually be holding a fist full of ZEROS.)

Men and women are different. Don’t try to convince yourself otherwise.

I used to say that “men and women are really the same inside.” This was back in my chump days, when I was getting laid by luck, not by design. And then my luck dried up. And so did my sex life.

I even felt wrong every time I said that lame thing about men and women being the same. I KNEW inside that I was wrong. But I WANTED it to be right. That’s where most guys go off the path, and almost never come back. They become addicted to the way they WISH it was instead of the way it REALLY is. Then, every day, they invent every justification imaginable to make it that way.

So when they fail to get the woman they want, they make excuses and claim that women are just too hard to understand. They don’t see that their own egos are getting in the way.

You see, a winner doesn’t complain or cry or whine about the way he “wishes” it was.

Arrogant people are hard to teach because they think they already know it all. It takes a mighty humbling experience for them to put aside their insecurities and let themselves be taught. A winner – an ALPHA Man winner – realizes that pride goes before a fall.

Instead, when faced with a situation and a game he doesn’t understand, the winner goes and LEARNS.

He doesn’t puff up his chest and proclaim that he doesn’t need any help with women. He doesn’t shift the responsibility for his actions to someone or something else. He accepts that if he’s going to learn, he has to put away that sore, hurt little boy, and go back to school for a bit.

Did you know that the majority of people do not read a single book after they get out of school? We’ve lost over 20 million readers of literature in the last 20 years.

I’m not telling you this to increase your social awareness or make you rush out to a bookstore. But the reality is that fewer people than ever are taking the responsibility for educating themselves and improving their lives.

And NOBODY is going to just show up on your doorstep and teach you this stuff. If you’re going to learn, you have to TEACH YOURSELF. And, believe it or not, that’s all you ever did in school. You taught yourself.

So what’s it going to be?

Yes? No? Maybe?

If you want a woman’s interest, you’re going to have to learn a little more about what makes them tick.

Contrary to popular belief, you were not born with all the knowledge necessary to attract women. In fact, 90+% of all guys do NOT know how to really generate authentic female sexual attraction. they have no idea what an alpha male is. This is where I decided it was time for me to give you the resources you need to become part of that top 10%. The elite. The men who GET WHAT THEY WANT.

It’s really all about power, and whether or not you are perceived as having any. Personal power. Masculine power. Knowledge power. All kinds of power.

Powerful men don’t have try too hard. They know how to influence a woman by demonstrating their internal strength in certain ways.

They know how to play that card game I mentioned, and not be insecure that they can’t see whether they have Kings… or twos.

Most people call it “body language”—the clues to the true meaning and objective of communication from people that we get from gesture, facial expression, posture—any action that is not a spoken cue. The scientists call it “nonverbal communication,” which is an excellent description – but what most people do not understand is that this body language is used more often than spoken word when trying to decipher intent and meaning out of any communication.

Accurately reading body language is essential for success in relationships, from dating to marriage. However, much of our understanding is instinctive—and a good deal of it is wrong, according to modern communications research. What follows are some of the more common myths, and the truth behind them.

Myth – a liar can’t look you straight in the eye. There is a common belief that people who are unable to maintain eye contact are probably lying. Inability to hold eye contact and shifting body signals are common flags of deceit – however – these are such commonly held beliefs that undoubtedly the person who is lying knows about them, and can easily overcome these unconscious habits.

In addition, many other factors can contribute to body language that indicated deceit – such as simple nervousness. There are many reasons for nervousness, especially in the dating world. Therefore, to understand what the behavior means, you still have to interpret the emotion. Furthermore, one group in particular excels at making eye contact that appears to be very sincere: pathological liars. Hence, it is not safe to rely on eye contact as a measure of sincerity or truthfulness.

2. When meeting someone, the more direct the eye contact, the better. This long-held belief is the inverse of the idea that shifty-eyed people are liars. The result is an unfortunate tendency for people making initial contact—as in a job interview, for example—to stare fixedly at the other person. This behavior is just as likely to make the interviewer uncomfortable as not. Most of us are comfortable with eye contact lasting a few seconds, but any eye contact that persists longer than that can make us nervous. We assume that there is something else going on—an attempt to initiate flirtatious behavior, or even intimidation perhaps. Indeed, studies on flirting show that prolonged eye contact is an early step in the process.

3. Putting your hands behind your back is a gesture that makes one seem powerful. For years presentation coaches have taught people to put their hands behind their backs in what is sometimes called the “Prince Charles” stance, in the mistaken belief that the heir to the British throne is a good model for strong body language. Since he’s a prince, the thinking goes, and he stands that way a lot, it must be powerful.

Actually, the research shows that most people find the gesture untrustworthy—if we can’t see what your hands are doing, we’re suspicious. So if your goal is to increase trust in any given situation, don’t put your hands behind your back.

4. High-status people demonstrate their dominance of others by touching them. Another widely accepted belief is that powerful people in society—often men—show their dominance over others by touching them in a variety of ways. In fact, the research shows that in almost all cases, lower-status people initiate touch. And women initiate touch more often than men do. This is especially important in the dating world – initiating touch in ways other than those designed for kino escalation can signify lower status and approval seeking behavior.

5. People smile when they’re happy. People smile for all sorts of reasons, only one of which is to signal happiness. In fact, there are many kinds of smiles, and the interpretation of a smile can mean anything from contempt and sarcasm to deference or even an effort to ignore an individual. Women, especially, tend to smile for more reasons than a show of happiness. Unless a smile is accompanied by open body language and eye contact, do not interpret it as an open invitation.

6. Voices rise when speakers are angry. Again, nonverbal communication reliably signals the presence of emotion, but not the specific emotion. A rising voice is associated with a variety of emotions, including anger, but also nervousness, fear, excitement, hysteria, and even amusement. You must always consider the communicator and the context carefully. Indeed – many people get quieter when they are angry, so volume is not a reliable indicator of emotion.

Most of the research into nonverbal communications shows that people are not very good at masking their feelings. Emotions do leak out regularly, in many ways. And yet, the research also shows that most of us are not as good at decoding those emotions as we would like to think. Young people are significantly worse at both signaling emotions and reading them. Although we do learn as we grow older, we should remain wary; in the end, body language conveys important but unreliable clues about the intent of the communicator. The more information you can get about the clues you are trying to decode, the more likely you will be to decode them correctly.