Though there is a lot of dating advice on the net, it’s usually in the form of ‘pickup advice’, i.e. advice for men to pick up girls often using pick up lines. Now there is a conceptual problem with this method, namely that men are usually seeking the attention/favors (or whatever fancy word you’d like to use) of only one female! Often, this ‘pickup advice’ also ends up proving detrimental for men, since most women can see through these gimmicks very easily. So much so that even if a woman seems interested in a pickup line, men find themselves perpetually wondering ‘Did she actually buy it, or is she just playing along?’

So how do you impress a girl and make her fall for you?

Point one: you don’t try to ‘impress’ a girl. Power is largely a male preoccupation and women seldom ever subscribe or succumb to it. Though woman fall for all kind of guys – funny guys, intense guys, strong guys, short guys, tall guys; they do not fall for a guy because he impresses them. What you need to do is be yourself and let her know the kind of person you are; for this, you’ll need confidence.

Women like men who behave like themselves, and especially like those who are proud to be themselves. This is exactly the reason why sugar daddy – sugar babe relations are so much in vogue today; God knows that older guys seldom, if at all, have something more impressive to flaunt than their younger counterparts, but what they do have is an ample amount of confidence obtained through many years of grind. No surprises then that women tend to get into these relationships even though they risk losing out on the physical front. Oh, and a little bit of advice, the thing we term ‘charm’ is nothing other than the manifestation of self-confidence.

Self-confidence is just one part of getting the girl you always wanted, though it is a rather large part. Apart from confidence, you will have to make her take notice of you. This brings us to perhaps the biggest step a man has to take – the first move. If you’ve never spoken to her, gird your loins and go up to her, “Hey, I’m Jack, I thought it’d be nice to know each other,” is a great start. On the other hand, if you and the girl speak on a day-to-day basis, maybe you could suggest something like, “Would you like a drink after work perhaps?” However, be prepared for an answer in the negative; it’s not for no reason that they say that the first step is the hardest step.

The proposal

Once you’ve used your charm over her and made the first move, things should come to a stage where you will either want to take the next step and make her your girlfriend, or you’ll realize that the both of you just aren’t compatible with one another. If the latter happens to be true in your case, you just shrug your shoulders and move on (‘plenty of fish in the sea’ remember?), like you’d have done if the first meeting didn’t work out too well.

However, if you intend on making her your girlfriend, you’ll need to ‘ask her out’. You don’t need to fall on one knee, etc.; the romantic poets were dealing with an entirely different species of women when they wrote all those masterpieces; your 21^st century woman is different. She likes an honest guy who can live up to the promises he makes. Don’t promise her anything you can’t fulfill later; keep it simple, honest and realistic and she’ll understand you. If you go over the top, she’ll just let you fly by. Truth and simplicity are languages of the heart, and that is exactly what she wants you to offer.

How to Get a Girlfriend – Seven Tips You Can Use Now by Carlos Xuma

So there I was… I was standing up there in front of a crowd of eager guys presenting a seminar on how to attract women and how to get a girlfriend, and a strange urge overtook me… I wanted to ask them a question that just didn’t seem “politically correct” to ask a bunch of aspiring “pickup artists.” I kept thinking to myself: Should I…?

And then I did.

I asked the almost unthinkable question to a group of pickup artists… I asked: “How many of you want a single, steady girlfriend? Just one. Raise your hands…” And then I held my breath as if I’d just yelled out a cuss word in church. Then – to my amazement – about 90% of the crowd raised their hands.

And they raised them EAGERLY.

Since that day – over 3 years ago – I’ve been asking guys this question in almost all my seminars, and the results are always the same. Most of the guys learning the skills of pickup are just learning them to find ONE good woman. So why do guys work to learn how to be a “pickup artist” and learn all these seduction techniques, when what they really want is just to get a girlfriend?

I believe it’s because men have a basic need, and it’s illogical, but it is hard-wired in us. It’s the need to sexually CONQUER. We want to have the thrill of the victory, overcoming the challenge, and then having our egos boosted with the validation of sexual POWER.

In many ways, there’s nothing more addictive to the male mind. This is what makes us men. And there’s also nothing wrong with it, so don’t feel guilty. I was talking to a friend of mine, Jeff, at a cocktail party the other night, and he was discussing his experience of getting good with women, having a lot of women to date, and how he wasn’t very happy “dating around.” Yes, I know, sounds crazy, but it’s true with almost every guy I meet. Once you get to where you’re no longer so obsessed with getting laid and meeting women, you start to realize that what you really want – what would REALLY satisfy you more than anything else is just to find ONE good catch. Once you’ve stopped begging, you can then start to become the chooser.

So you want to know how to get a girlfriend? Okay, here are my… Seven IMPORTANT Steps to Get a Girlfriend:

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 1) Do not set out to find a girlfriend! If your priority is solely to get your itch scratched (sexually speaking), you’re going to find that you’ll scare off a LOT of people. Your GOAL is not to get a girlfriend, even though you think it is. Your goal is not the END, it’s simply the NEXT STEP in the process. Your goal is to improve your social network – which is like creating a nice strong safety net. It lowers your loneliness quotient, and it increases your ability to find a good woman in the long run. A good investigator doesn’t look directly for the criminal. They look for the indicators and evidence that leads them to their most wanted.

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 2) Adopt the attitude of the Interviewer… QUALIFICATION, Qualification, qualification. It’s all about qualification, my friend. The only way you can maintain a strong and confident attitude out there is to be the chooser – not the chosen. Think about the difference in these two people: The Interviewer and the Interviewee. Between being the guy going in and kissing ass and selling yourself to the company to get a job, and being the guy who chooses from them. If you’ve ever done the interviewing, you know what it’s like. You feel like THE MAN with all the power. It’s kind of a rush. Well, the difference in mindset between the guy that goes out trying to get women interested in him and the guy that goes out to see if any women can impress him is like NIGHT and DAY.

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 3) Become a Social Strategist… Network the hell out of your life. You need to really sit down and think about who you know, and who they know. And then start getting on their social calendars, one at a time. Here’s a technique that works like a champ. (It’s something I’m going to be talking more about in my upcoming program coming in a few months.) First, just connect with everyone in your network of friends. Get together with them, have a drink or a lunch, and just reconnect. Make it a point to develop more of a rapport-connection with them, and then get them to think about you whenever they’re holding a party or going to a party. Say something like: “Hey, this has been great catching up with you, John. By the way, I’m on this kick lately of just going out and socializing, and making sure all my friends have fun. So if you have any parties or social gatherings, drop me a line if you think it would be fun.” Give him your email, give him your cell phone and give him your facebook address. Better yet, have a card made up with JUST this information on it and your first name. Ba-da-bing. You’re now in his loop of social networking. From there, you just bust it out to the next level by making friends with people at every gathering you attend.

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 4) Multiple Streams of Female Income This is one of the core strategies of my method, and that is that you cannot afford to rely on any ONE method of meeting women. Mostly because if you fail to get that one method to work for you the way you want it to, you’ll get blown out of the game, and you’re socially dead in the water. AND your attitude will suffer along with your success. Dating is EXACTLY like owning stocks – you never put all your eggs in ONE basket. Back when the dot-com bust happened in 2001-2002, all the people who were heavily invested in technology stocks took a serious bath. Universal rule: Diversify! Spread your risk over a few good methods and you won’t get burned. (I just watched “Wall Street” again the other day, can you tell?) Don’t go too nuts, because you won’t get good at any of them if you do too many, but just pick your top 5 – and then work them like dogs. That’s how to get a girlfriend – and FAST.

My top picks?
– Speed dating
– Online dating
– Social networking
– Parties and social events
– Daytime approach

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 5) Know what kind of a woman you really want. You have to know the exact qualities you’re looking for in order to choose a good woman. There are many traits you need to create a good relationship with her – especially if you want to keep her. One thing you’ll see that most pickup artists DO NOT have is the ability to keep a relationship going. They can pickup a woman in a bar, but if you ask them how to get a girlfriend – one that lasts – they’ll just tell you to go take another class. I’ve been in relationships that lasted from 30 minutes to 5 years, so I do know how to keep a good woman around. First and foremost is to know WHAT you want, and sometimes that means…

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 6) Date ENOUGH women to know what you really want. A lot of guys don’t date enough women to figure out the qualities that they really want. In fact, I’ve never met a guy who dated a lot of women, and then said that he still wants the same things in a woman that he wanted when he first started. After dating a bunch of women, you start to realize that many of the things you THOUGHT you wanted weren’t as important as you thought. And you discover all-new things you really do need. The big mistake most people (men and women) make is to be in a hurry to get into a relationship because they can’t stand dating. It’s so painful for these guys to be single that they fall into the first relationship that comes along. And so they never develop dating skills, they just hope to find someone good before the bad women find them first. But this is a lot like taking the first job you can get, just to get a job – even though you’re not sure you’re going to like it. Sure, you may have employment, but you’ll just be miserable if you don’t make a good choice. And eventually you’ll either be fired or quit. The same is DOUBLY true for women. Choose poorly and you’re going to be a hell of a lot more miserable IN a relationship than out of one. Remember my universal rule: You’re better off alone than with the wrong woman. A woman has only one role in my life: To make me happier than I was without her. If she isn’t doing that, she isn’t what I want in a girlfriend. And neither do you! And here’s the last rule that will guarantee you’ll get a girlfriend in no time flat – IF you just use it. If you want to know how to get a girlfriend – and how I’ve done it in my life without having to resort to mail-order brides, it’s simply this:

GET A GIRLFRIEND TIP 7) Get out there and meet as many people as you possibly can. I’ve moved around the country and I’ve started my life over again 3 times. I moved from upstate New York, to Washington, DC, to Kansas City, to San Francisco. Each time I had to make all new friends. I learned something that has made all the difference between being lonely and being socially prosperous, and that’s this:

If you meet a bunch of people… some you will never see again.
Some you will turn into acquaintances.
Some you will turn into friends.
Some you will do business with.
Some you will turn into girlfriends.

But the more people you meet, the more you get of every kind. It’s a statistical and social CERTAINTY. Just like the “Sales Funnel,” where you put a hundred people in at the top, and only a few come out the bottom as buyers, so it is in your social life. It’s the most obvious law of numbers there is, and it simply demands that you just get off your ass right now and go meet some new people.

And here’s the amazing thing – it doesn’t matter HOW you meet them! Nor does it matter WHO you meet. You can meet old women who will set you up with their daughters or even their grand-daughters. You’ll meet women who introduce you to their cool guy friends, who will then introduce you to an ex-girlfriend or a cousin or a sister’s best friends’ nanny, who could be your next girlfriend.

You simply DO NOT KNOW how you will get your next girlfriend. If you want to know my advice on how to get a girlfriend, that’s it. Pure and simple. Treat it like a life-puzzle that you have to figure out. If you can just meet a few people each week, your life will be filled with an abundance that will ASTONISH you.

It will amaze you. I guarantee it…
– Carlos Xuma

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