How to Get a Girlfriend Archives - Page 2 of 2

By Scot McKay

Let’s talk about someone who deserves to be covered in WAY more detail than I’ve ever shared before.

It’s clearly time to do so, because I’m getting more and more e-mails from guys who are going on dates with her–often leading to long-term relationships with her.

I’m referring, of course, to the infamous “double-standard chick”.

On the surface, she’s probably beautiful, intelligent and possibly even fun to be with.

But after only a short time of hanging out with her, you start to realize that something doesn’t feel right.

Essentially, you feel like she’s got rights and privileges that you aren’t free to reserve for yourself.

Worse, you feel as if you’d be either selfish or flat-out ridiculous were you to make an issue of it in any way.

For example, she is disappointed, hurt or even straight-up angry when you even so much as glance at another woman at the mall. Whether you actually did so or not is unimportant. She believes you did, so you’d better stop it.

Meanwhile, she has quite a number of guys in her life who are “just really, really, really good friends”. When they show up, they hug her, banter with her and behave in a manner that you are all but sure is flirting.

And sure enough, she hits them on the shoulder and giggles in return.

Sometimes, she even hangs out with them…as in on a “1-on-1 basis”. They get sushi. Study together. Get a few drinks.

And sometimes she sort of gets too tired to drive home, so she crashes at his place…on the couch, of course.

That’s all okay, though, because he’s “like a big brother” to her.

Do you say anything when this goes on?

Probably not. After all, that would make you appear insecure. You’d look like you were threatened.

And that’s not very masculine. You’ve been taught that being “needy” is a bad idea, it is NOT a trait of the Alpha Male. So you back off.

But the fact remains that you know if you were to hang out with other women like that, she WOULDN’T put up with it.

So how does she get away with this?

Simply put, she’s got a DOUBLE-STANDARD working.

And YOU, my good man, have BOUGHT INTO it.

The programming goes something like this:

Step One: Believe all men are dogs, only want one thing, and therefore are untrustworthy.

Step Two: Believe that women, on the other hand, are the ones who are universally committed to faithful relationships and monogamy. All they want is “Mr. Right”.

Step Three: Women are givers of life and nurturers, whereas men are the ones responsible for wars and strife. So if there’s a problem, it’s the guy’s fault…

Step Four: …and WHEN there’s a problem, the guy’s response is expected to be one of aggression and oppression toward the more passive woman, who is in danger of being physically and/or emotionally abused at any given moment.

So the end result of such programming is that a woman considers herself inherently trustworthy. She knows SHE wouldn’t cheat or anything.

Meanwhile, however, since you are a guy, what are understood to be YOUR “inherent” traits must be kept under lock and key.

“But wait a second,” you ask, “all I really want is a great girlfriend. And even if I am dating more than one woman, I’m honest and respectful about it. And hey, it’s not like I’ve started any wars lately. I’ve never even been in a fistfight.”

“Besides,” you say, “every time I’ve ever seen an episode of ‘Cheaters’ there’s as many women on there running around as men.”

Indeed.

So how did this happen?

Moreover, how is it that we as guys can watch ourselves getting “owned” right before our very eyes, yet we feel much more comfortable pretending it “isn’t what it looks like” rather than standing up to the “double-standard”?

And why do we feel compelled to tell her to “have fun” with a wave and a smile when she goes out with her friends to a bar or club-looking hotter than we’ve seen her in weeks-when we’re loaded down with guilt if we go to the sports bar on a Saturday afternoon to watch the game and have a beer or two with the guys?

Here it is: You’ve ALLOWED YOURSELF to take on the archetypal guilt of every other guy before you who allegedly acted like an I/J (Idiot/Jerk).

In other words, you believe women are the “oppressed” race, and that you are part of the social group who is historically responsible for the “oppression”.

So you walk on eggshells.

After all, you most certainly want to be part of the solution rather than the problem.

You want to correct millennia of errant behavior on the part of men everywhere-all the way from dragging women into the cave by their hair to paying them less per hour compared to men for the same type of work.

You might even subconsciously feel it’s incumbent upon you to make “restitution”, as preposterous as that sounds when printed in black and white.

And “Double-Standard Chick”? She’s more than happy to allow you to take that on.

In fact, even years into a long-term relationship when guys are getting nagged a lot, it’s often because of unresolved “double-standard” issues.

Well, either that or she’s doing all the housework.

So let’s talk some sense here for a second.

First of all, consider that there are quite a few women who are reading this newsletter. They’re definitely out there, and they read because they like hearing what I tell you guys about how to be a great man – how to be the masculine Alpha Male she is looking for.

But some have taken the bait regarding the concept I’m talking about here also. In fact, in many cases it’s hook, line and sinker.

So I’ll likely get a smattering of angry e-mails from a few of them.

They’ll write me and accuse me of being negative toward women simply because I’m attempting to debunk the “double-standard”.

The truth, however, is that I’m exhorting a more positive representation of one another by BOTH MEN AND WOMEN.

Know this, gentlemen: Not EVERY woman subscribes to the “double-standard”.

Some believe that great men of character-like you-exist. They’d rather avoid negative influences in their life, think the best of a great man who comes along, and focus on having a healthy relationship.

This means that if you are indeed that “Big Four” guy (an Alpha Male) (masculine, confident, ability to inspire safety/security, high-character) you should EXPECT that such a woman will respond positively to you.

After all, you will share mutual respect and have each other’s best interests at heart.

Sound too good to be true?

If so, your reality needs an overhaul.

When you BUY IN to the “all male behavior is bad behavior” concept, you begin very quickly to feel actual, raw SHAME over simply being male.

This is particularly messed up because WOMEN LOVE MEN.

So even as you begin to “camouflage” your masculinity out of shame for all the “bad stuff” men have done to women over the years, you become LESS ATTRACTIVE.

And “Double-Standard Chick”?

She simply becomes even more annoyed by you, leading to what? You guessed it…a greater feeling of freedom towards treating you with disrespect.

A caveat here.

“Double-Standard Chick” may indeed be quite a gifted manipulator. But then again, she may be a perfectly well-meaning woman who happens to have been subject to the SAME faulty programming as YOU.

So the ultimate irony? Even those women who are beholden to the “double-standard” aren’t always particularly thrilled about it.

If you think about it, that makes the whole thing even more messed-up than previously thought.

Whoa. So what does all this mean?

It means that you DO have the right to consider yourself a REAL MAN and not the living perpetuation of “caveman culture”.

Therefore, it ALSO means that you need not passively endure the “double standard”.

ULTIMATELY, it means that YOU must LEAD. You must be the Alpha Man and stand up, speak on behalf of mutual respect-by name-and announce that your intention is to respect women and enjoy the company of those who respect you in return.

And if that’s not part of her plan, you wish her well.

Sound almost too easy?

Perhaps.

But the key here is to remember, as I alluded to, that some women who live by the “double-standard” are actually disgusted by it nonetheless.

Seriously. You should see the e-mails from women we get who expect the worst of guys, only to get annoyed when they act “nice” thinking it’s simply an indicator of a more covert form of “bad behavior”.

Usually, the guys they write about were tiptoeing around trying not to hurt the woman’s feelings…not wanting to be the “oppressor”.

Not always, of course, but usually.

Now listen, I’m not about to make some Pollyannaish assertion that everyone on Earth is an angel.

I fully get that there are indeed bona-fide I/Js out there. And by the way, guys, they’re giving great men like you a BAD NAME.

And similarly, there are women who mean well and those who do not.

Attracting women is the number one thing on the minds of single men across the world. How to attract them is the biggest question – what works? Well, David DeAngelo says that women are attracted to men for certain, specific reasons. He calls it a “code” in his Double Your Dating eBook, and says, “Once you know what it is, you can develop a method to follow this sequence. You can use the fact that there is a ‘genetic mating sequence’ to help you.” (p. 48).

So what are the specific ingredients that make up this code or sequence, you ask? It boils down to being different than the other men – different in an attractive and confident way.

So here are some specific things that you can do to make yourself MORE attractive to women. After all, it’s much easier to date a woman who is already attracted to you by your behavior than to try to MAKE a woman attracted to you – which backfires with relentless accuracy. Think of it like cold calling verses selling something to someone who already WANTS your product.

First of all – you need to get rid of the neediness and insecurity in your life. WOMEN. HATE. THIS. You will not attract a woman by trying to get attention, showing off or trying to get recognition from her. In Double Your Dating, David DeAngelo says that “Insecurity and neediness are like hemlock and arsenic – either will kill your attractiveness when dealing with women” (p 49).

How do you project neediness and insecurity? Insecurity shows up when a man does not feel comfortable with who he is or comfortable in a given situation. He acts tentative, weak, and unsure. He tries to put on a show of confidence which is obviously fake. He says things that are out of place in an attempt to get approval. Women have a RADAR for this. They detect – then they AVOID.

So avoid the following behaviors:

• Hanging on a woman. Don’t touch a woman or crowd her too much in the beginning. Instead, lean back and let her become comfortable being around you.

• Talking or saying negative things about women or past girlfriends. If you talk too much about past girlfriends or other women, or say negative things about them, a woman will judge you to be insecure.

• Having emotional responses to things. If it’s obvious to a woman that you easily get upset about things, then she will judge you to be insecure or even dangerous. Women do not like tantrums, so if you throw things, scream and swear when you are mad – you are going to be even madder when she dumps you like last week’s garbage for someone a little more mature and stable.

• Looking to others to make decisions. Women like it when you decide what’s going to happen and then do it. If you are always asking, “Well, what you think I should do?”, “Where do you want to go tonight?”, and “What do you want?” you’ll come off as needy. Just make decisions and go with it. If she has a different idea, she’ll let you know.

• Saying or doing things just to be noticed or to get compliments. ‘Nuff said. Don’t do it.

• Arguing. This is my favorite. Some people feel like they need to argue with EVERYTHING. If you’re one of these people, just realize that this is a clear demonstration that you’re insecure and needy. u may always be right, but being overly argumentative is bad for your sex life. Deal with it.

So, if you can avoid these behaviors and take David DeAngelo’s advice, you will find it much easier to project a healthy, confident demeanor that women will find very attractive. Be relaxed, confident, stand straight and put your shoulders back, look her in the eye, be decisive and bust on her a bit (using Cocky Funny) and you will find that your “cold calling” days are over, and your dating life has really begun.

Deserve What You Want

How to Attract Women Instead of Cold Calling Them – Ideas from David DeAngelo