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The First Step to Attracting Women According to David DeAngelo

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What most men want out of a dating experience, according to David DeAngelo of Double Your Dating, is to attract women instead of chasing after women.  Its kind of like marketing – it’s a lot easier if you are a car salesman to sell a car to someone that comes onto your lot looking for one than it is to call someone up out of the yellow pages and try to get them to buy a car.  It just doesn’t work.  Dating and attraction work much the same way – it’s a lot easier to hook up with a girl when she is coming on to you than to try to create attraction for a girl you see and randomly find attractive.

One of the things David DeAngelo talks about all the time in the Double Your Dating series is that women are attracted to men for certain reasons (and these are really reasons beyond their control).  Figure out these reasons and meet them, and you trigger a specific internal sequence in a woman, which is related to a primordial mating sequence that we are pre-programmed to have as human beings.

One of the ways to trigger this sequence is to be attractive to a woman in a “different” way.  David DeAngelo calls this being “Different in a preferential way” (Double Your Dating, p 48).   So a great way to formulate attraction and to have the women attracted to YOU and trying to vie for YOUR attention is to understand what the elements of attraction actually are.

One of the key elements to attraction for a woman is the element of masculinity (you can read about the others in the Double Your Dating eBook in depth).  What masculinity is not: dumb jock bullying other people weaker than himself around.  Masculinity is NOT treating women like objects.  Masculinity is not bullying or being obnoxious.

Masculinity IS, however, a quiet confidence.  It is an aura about you of INTERNAL power that tells a woman you are capable and adept.  A masculine man will look people in the eye, have a firm handshake, be able to take a joke with aplomb, and be able to provide for himself and those dependent on him.
There is a lot of talk about being the “alpha male”.  Many men misconstrue that, and believe this means you have to be the ringleader like Biff on Back to the Future, picking on Marty to look cool.  No.  What it means is that you are the provider, you are the protector, you are the one RESPONSIBLE for your group.  Women can SENSE this in a man, because this used to be what determined the primordial mating sequence we talking about earlier.  Some evolutionary responses may take a backseat in modern times, but have NO doubt, my friend, they are STILL there.

So take a close look at your life and your interactions.  Think about what David DeAngelo says about being different in a “preferential” way.  Learn how to take the confidence and the lifestyle of the TRUE alpha male and apply it to your life, and watch how your interactions with women start to change in a positive way.

Carlos Xuma on How to Use Facebook to Meet Women in 4 Easy Steps…

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I’ve had quite a few guys ask me about using the latest in social networking to get hooked up meeting women.

Well, it’s actually not that hard, but you have to do it with some understanding of how to play the game. Because there are many ways to do it wrong, and only a few to do it right…

QUESTION ABOUT FACEBOOK:

Carlos, hey man, thanks for all your great advice…

I wanted to ask you about something – how can I use Facebook to meet women online?

I’ve heard that it can be done, but I can’t help thinking it would be weird and creepy to approach some of my friends’ friends like this and ask for a date.

But it seems like a MEGA opportunity to meet women.

How can I work this?

– Allen L., Houston

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

I’ve been eyeing this method to meeting women for some time, and I agree completely. It IS a mega-mega opportunity to meet women…
…if it’s handled right.

First of all, let’s remember the catastrophe that is “Myspace.” (May it rest in peace.) That social network has been so polluted and abused that it’s really not useful anymore. I know I don’t take it seriously.

What happened there?

Well, first of all, everyone got slammed with spam. A few clever programmers and bulk friend programs, and suddenly you had Myspace pages that looked like web sites from the year 1998.

Cheap backgrounds, silly wallpaper, and everybody’s page looked like a 14-year-old girl’s bedroom, complete with Britney Spears posters.

Enter Facebook.

A whole lot classier than its trailer-park cousin, Facebook has maintained a better image. But with a bunch of cool toys and add-ons that made it interesting and more fun.

So how can you work this great social networking tool to help you with your dating life – while not looking like some pervert who got kicked out of the alleys of Myspace?

I’ll give you a very simple 4-step model to use. This is the one that my friends and I have used consistently to get results online.

STEP 1: Connect with the guys – and other women – who have a lot of cute girl friends.

In other words, connect with people that YOU are not interested in dating who have big networks.

You must be very indirect at first using Facebook.

Remember the lesson from Myspace – Don’t be a spammer!

This is not “match.com” or an online dating site, so don’t just start sending out invites and emails hoping to score based on numbers. We’ve come to hate the abusers, and you’ll just get your sorry ass kicked right off.

Start out with light connections. Think “friends first.”

Don’t make your Facebook profile look like you’re trying to meet women. Be subtle.

What you’re trying to do is multiply your results and increase your connection potential by meeting more people who know more people.

If you just start trying to hit on the women you’re interested in right off the bat, you’ll be limiting your results with shortsighted thinking.

Think out to the LONG term. The more cool people you connect with and forge relationships with, the more likely you are to connect with a woman naturally.

STEP 2: Connect with women you are interested in VERY indirectly.

What you have to do is send a simple friend request – and make sure you include a message with it!

You just say something like, “Hey, I saw we’re both friends with Greg… Then I noticed you’re a snowboarder, too… Ever go to Tahoe?”

You see what I did there? I left a question INSIDE my friend request. For her to answer it, she’s going to feel compelled to add me.

It’s also just something people are looking to do. Let’s face it, we all measure our social success by how many people we’ve got as friends on Facebook. We all want a HUGE network, so women will WANT to add you – if only to increase their friend count.

STEP 3: Start leveraging the tools.

Facebook has a huge amount of potential for the guy who wants to take advantage of them. You can add all kinds of cute little applications to send virtual drinks to friends, send goofy gifts, or even start your own polls and surveys.

But one of the best tools you need to be using is the GROUP function on Facebook.

In fact, in preparing for this article, I created the group “Carlos Xuma’s Alpha Lifestyle” to start connecting you guys together and enabling men to share information.

You can do this, too. Just create a group based on your passion and your local area.

I’m going to advise you to avoid starting a group based on “Warcraft” or on the latest hot actress.

Make your group something a woman can relate to and might be interested in. Maybe it’s the television show “Lost…” or maybe it’s about all things Italian.

Ba-da-bing! Now you’ve got a hook to use to invite her into your group.

STEP 4: Start escalating and creating more opportunities.

Remember, this is a VIRTUAL tool. It’s online.

In other words, your connections don’t REALLY exist anywhere except on some server in an air-conditioned room in a data center somewhere.

It’s up to YOU to bring these connections to life with events that you can invite people to.

Most people will stroll around this virtual network, but then never take it into the REAL world. That’s where YOU come in.

Maybe once a month you should organize a happy hour at your local favorite bar. Or maybe you make a Facebook group for wine tasters, and then every other

Friday you meet up and go tasting the latest Pinot Noirs.

THAT is your opportunity to start looking for romantic potential in the groups. You have to remember that you can’t be a Facebook “pickup artist” and try to attract women online.

You have to build a network, forge some connections, and meet women in person to start creating the attraction.

That being said, you can also send out some playful introductions to women you don’t know and see if they bite. (Just make sure your profile has enough interesting bait for them to nibble at…)

Write on people’s walls…
Send a few virtual drinks…
Send some good karma…
Use the “Flirtable” app…

For the man with initiative, the Facebook world is yours.

So step up and start creating the social network, then start meeting the women in it.

By the way, if you’d like to add me as a friend, go look me up. Carlos Xuma on Facebook.com… Get Social!

Carlos Xuma is a well-known expert in the dating-seduction related field and an author of bestselling titles such as “Secrets of the Alpha Male”, “Approach Women – NOW!”, “Alpha Immersion” and “Alpha Man Communication & Persuasion”.

Inside the Mind of a Woman – How To Attract Her

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You know, I get a lot of dating questions from guys wondering why the heck women dress so sexy to go out, go to a bar, whatever, but then seem SO unapproachable and aloof.  It’s like she has dressed herself all up just to say, “Look, but you can’t touch!”  Have you ever felt that way?

Did you realize, though, that if you want to give dating tips for men, you have to actually learn to think like a woman?  It’s scary, man, not everyone can go there.  But I have a good therapist.

Well, from a woman’s perspective, an attractive woman does not really need to dress up to get a man’s attention.  However, it makes her FEEL good to do so, to look her best, and let’s admit it, guys – to look better than the other women there.  Sometimes you feel like you are in a lioness’ den when you walk into a place like that, where all the beautiful women are either in a group – or trying to pretend the others don’t exist.

Ok – so let’s quickly go through a couple of the real reasons women do that.

First – any woman wants to increase her assets.  She wants to be of a higher quality, in order to attract the highest quality man.  She wants that Alpha Male who can do all the right things for her – protect her, provide for her, make her feel the way she wants to feel, etc.

Second, she wants to crush the competition.  Hot women are COMPETITIVE.  They know the location of every other babe in the room, they know what she has her beat in and what the other woman posses that she wants.  It’s like a pack of she-wolves circling, except it’s all done without teeth baring and snarling.  Usually.

Third – she want to get the most attention and approval.  It’s true – they want attention – like little kids.  They look aloof and unapproachable because they are actually, underneath, insecure and don’t want to get hurt, and hoping the right man will approach them.

Do you want to be the right man?  Do you realize that choice is not made because of how you look?

Do you understand how this all has to do with basic human evolution and the need for the species to survive?

Look at it like this.  I am sure you have heard of Darwin’s theory the “survival of the fittest”.  It means the animals with the best genes reproduce.  The weak ones get killed.  The species evolves stronger and more intelligent with each generation.

So when you look at the attention an attractive woman wants, it is, in the basest of terms, her way of projecting her worthiness to carry on the genes, to be selected.  Do you see what I am getting at?  She wants to be the Alpha Female.

So if YOU, as a man, want to hook up with the Alpha Female – guess who you gotta be?  Right.  The Alpha Male.    Now, one more question.  What does the Alpha Female ALWAYS get from men?  Attention.  What does she want?  Attention.  What do you need to give her?

If you said attention, smack yourself in the head.

If you’re a beautiful woman who is always getting attention and approval from men and you meet a man who DOESN’T give you that attention and approval, it has an INSTANT and POWERFUL impact.

Furthermore, if the man you’re interacting with actively AVOIDS giving you attention… and gives you DISAPPROVAL, it can have the effect of instantly SCRAMBLING YOUR SYSTEMS.

Again, attractive women don’t meet a lot of guys that could care less about her beauty.   If you want to learn how to ATTRACT these “unusually beautiful” women, then you need to get a clue about what creates the idea in her mind that YOU are one of the most “desirable” men.

And how can you do that?  A.  Is it hitting the lottery and becoming a millionaire?  B.  Getting plastic surgery to look like John  Cena?  Or possibly learning to trigger the ATTRACTION in her?

I personally like the third one myself.  You?

Here’s the interesting thing about triggering attraction that I LOVE.  Once you do it, once you get it right, she cannot help herself.  I mean, can you?  When you are really attracted to someone, can you turn it off?  Nope.

Ok, shut up and tell me how to do this, right?  Right.  Ok- get into her head.  You are GORGEOUS, every man in there wants to buy you a drink, give you a compliment, and throw his coat on the puddle for you to walk over.  Gag.  It gets old.  So – you meet a guy who doesn’t offer you a drink.  Maybe he even asks HER to buy him a drink.  He bust on her, tells her how weird her shoes are says something like, “That is the UGLIEST DRESS I have ever seen!” in a fun and teasing way.  (Don’t spit on it or anything dude, ok?).  Have you heard of Cocky Comedy?  That’s what that basically is.

What are you?  You are not impressed by her beauty.  You are not groveling at her feet.  You are not showing her that you are attracted to her.  In fact – you are testing HER.

“Hmmmm…” she thinks.  “That’s different!”  And pretty soon, SHE starts feeling attraction toward YOU because you are showing her that you are the ALPHA MALE and you are ABOVE her.  If she wants you, she’s gotta work for it.  And she NEVER has to work for it.  So now she wants it.

Are you following me?

Good.  This is the first step toward becoming that Alpha Male that you need to be.  I can’t tell you everything there is about it in one short article, but I do have some recommendations for you for further study.  Go check out David Deangelo’s Double Your Dating eBook (Dude, it’s the best $20 you will ever spend) or his Cocky Comedy program.  These are priceless if you want to learn to beat gorgeous women at their own game.

Dating Advice for Guys – Tantalize her with scents

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One area that guys don’t take advantage of enough is the power of smell with a woman. Scents and smells are very important to them, and it’s been scientifically proven that women are much more sensitive than men to odors.

One of the most important reasons scents are good for engaging a woman’s attraction for you is that your sense of smell is connected to the most basic part of your brain, the part that was formed long before your ability to reason and think. This was because our early ancestors had to be able to react quickly to scents on the wind that could indicate a threat, such as a predator.

Smells have a way of bringing back memories. Have you ever had the experience of smelling something and having a complete flashback to something you remember from your childhood? It happens all the time, and it’s even more potent when you’ve associated a smell with something, like the smell of burning leaves in autumn, or the smell of homemade pizza. These smells evoke a state in us that pulls us back to the experiences we had with that smell.

I’ve walked into old houses before, ones that were humid and smelled of old bread and tea, and I had these flashes of walking into my grandmother’s house and the same odors there. It’s a little freaky how real it feels at times.

The way you use this with a woman is to find out what scents she indulges in when she wants to relax, or get passionate. I find that getting her into a candle store, or a bath-and-bodyworks type store is the best way. You get her to smell different things, and notice what she prefers. Vanilla is usually a good scent that you can almost bet she’ll like. Find out what she likes to take a bath with.

Scents for women can usually be broken up into two categories: musks and floral. Musky scents are like heavy perfumes, like Obsession. Floral scents are the ones that are, obviously, more like flowers. If she wears any kind of perfume, you can tell which she prefers by smelling what she’s wearing.

Take care with your choice of cologne. One tactic is to find out what cologne her dad used to wear and use that, but I find this strategy highly variable in terms of the response you’ll get. Better to choose the cologne that she remarks on and likes. Make it a point to put on too little rather than too much. You want her trying to get closer to you, not running and gagging from the smell. Have her give you a critique. “Hey, I just got this new cologne, but I’m not sure if I like it. Tell me what you think.” And she’ll have to lean in close to you to get a whiff. If she likes it, she’ll be back for more.
(And don’t go cheap on your cologne. It’s worth it.)

When you can get her sense of smell engaged, you are taking a shortcut to a part of her mind that responds in an almost primal way. She can’t reason or rationalize with it. You can get her in a state of your own choosing by choosing the right scent.

Learn What Women REALLY Want – a REAL MAN

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Have you ever heard a woman ask the question, “Where have all the real men gone?”  I know, you want to just shake her and ask her what the HELL she is talking about, right?  Well, the thing is – it seems that this “sensitive revolution” has basically neutered the male population.

Some people attribute that to the fact that more and more men are being raised by single women.  Others say that we are all doing it to ourselves – taking everything out of life that might accidentally offend an individual’s beliefs – trying to neuter EVERYTHING (like taking “God” out of the pledge of allegiance, taking the discipline out of schools and making sure everything that we say is politically correct to name a few methods).

Whatever you believe – it’s happening.  Society is turning Namby Pamby – and the women are the ones voicing it, asking where all the real men have gone.   To try to find a REAL man, women have developed a screening process – a test, if you will, to see if a man is a real man, or a wuss in man’s clothing.

You’ll notice women doing this when they are exploring the possibility of a relationship with you – like on a first date, or when things begin to become intimate.  This is how the beautiful women separate the men from the boys.  She is trying to find out, basically, if you are an alpha male.

There are many forms tests can take, of course, but once you are familiar with a few of them, you will be able to recognize them for what they are, and PASS them.  She might ask you for a gift or something she wants.  She could act snotty or have a tantrum, to see what she can get away with, or cancel your plans without notice to see what you do.  She might even tell you that you are annoying her to see if you will change your behavior.  (By the way, I learned all this by watching David DeAngelo’s program called On Being a Man!)

Now – these things may seem small to you.  However, to a woman, they are CRITICAL.  If you fail one of these tests, she is going to do one of two things – she is going to realize you are a wuss and not a real man and will walk all over you until she gets bored with you and then she will leave, or she will just realize you are a wuss and leave then.

So – how do you pass these tests and show her you are an alpha male?  Well, let’s imagine for a moment that you are a wolf – the leader of the pack, the alpha male who gets ALL the females in the pack.  If a female wolf came up tot eh alpha male and said, “Buy me this pretty trinket and I will give you the night of your life…” – what do you think he would do?  Would he go running off to the nearest wolf jewelry store and buy it?  Or would he laugh and say “Are you serious???  I hope not, because if you have not noticed, there are plenty of females in this pack besides you.”

Or, say for instance, one of the female wolves tells the alpha male that she is annoyed by something he does.  Does the alpha wolf say “OMG I am SO sorry!  I won’t EVER do that again!”   (I actually can see David DeAngelo cringing at that, sorry man!)  Uhhhhh – NO.  He will give her a playful smile and say, “Oh REALLY?” – and then he will do it again just to show her that she is not the alpha – HE IS.

And guys – this is IMPORTANT.  Women talk about Prince Charming – how they just KNOW he is out there and what all he will do for them.  But did you ever notice that Prince Charming has to know how to fight, how to keep the kingdom running, sweep her off her feet and take her to a destination of HIS choosing?  Prince Charming does not ask the Princess if she would like to be rescued today.  He takes charge and DOES IT, and she will follow.  If you want to learn more about being an alpha male, then take a look at David DeAngelo’s program, On Being a Man, and start giving women what they really want.