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Dating Advice For Men – The Gift Guide for the Holidays!

December 9, 2011 By GetTheGirl

The holidays are upon us and its time to address the question I get so often from guys – what to give women for gifts.  You don’t want to blow your Christmas by giving her something that says you are an ass!  So read on for some solid dating advice for men on what gifts to give a woman that Carlos Xuma talks about in his blog…

1) What kinds of gifts should be given when a relationship is just starting out if you hope it could be a REAL relationship?

Normally, I recommend that a guy not get a woman a gift for the first few dates.  It says you are needy and that you are trying to buy her affection.  What you should do instead is spend your money on showing her that you are fun and able to have a good time.  I don’t mean go to the movies.  I mean go to a skating rink and have some fun, go bowling, go to the arcade, go to a Christmas parade or something unique where you can both share the experience.  So presents in the early stage of a relationship should be geared toward enriching the experience of your time together, not to influence a girl. Don’t buy flowers and candy until you’ve gotten grounds for some genuine rapport and interest from her, then your gifts will be prized.

After a few dates or so, the man can then start with some inexpensive and NON-EXTRAVAGANT gifts like a card to flowers.  But the idea here is to keep it LOW KEY. It’s a much better practice to under-gift at this time so that you can demonstrate thoughtful caution rather than hasty indiscretion.

Remember: It’s not the money you spend, but the message you send.

2) What types of gifts you should give to demonstrate its just a short-term, hot affair or fling that will go no further?

For a sexy fling, give sexy presents! Some great ideas are coupons for sexual acts or fantasies, lingerie, tasteful, fun toys that you can both enjoy, etc.  Keep it inexpensive but nice.  No jewelry!

3) What if you thought at first she was a casual date, but now want to express that you are a lot more into her? 

This is a great chance for a guy to shine.  Christmas is a great time to show this, or even Valentine’s day, an anniversary, her birthday, whatever.  For this kind of expression when you are dating, take Carlos Xuma’s advice and give the girl something that will make her think of you.  This can be something like a special present from a place you two visited together (glasses, picture frames with a picture of the two of you in it) home décor, etc.

Another great thing that girls love is to get a CD or an MP3 player full of music (specifically, songs that express how you feel).  This makes a woman melt and really will spice up the attraction.

So when you are looking for that perfect gift, keep in mind the message you want to send.  Stay tuned tomorrow for more on gift giving and when NOT to give  a gift to a woman.

Filed Under: Dating Tips Tagged With: Carlos Xuma, Dating Advice For Guys, dating advice for men, gifts for women, holiday dating

Carlos Xuma on How to Use Facebook to Meet Women in 4 Easy Steps…

June 12, 2009 By GetTheGirl

I’ve had quite a few guys ask me about using the latest in social networking to get hooked up meeting women.

Well, it’s actually not that hard, but you have to do it with some understanding of how to play the game. Because there are many ways to do it wrong, and only a few to do it right…

QUESTION ABOUT FACEBOOK:

Carlos, hey man, thanks for all your great advice…

I wanted to ask you about something – how can I use Facebook to meet women online?

I’ve heard that it can be done, but I can’t help thinking it would be weird and creepy to approach some of my friends’ friends like this and ask for a date.

But it seems like a MEGA opportunity to meet women.

How can I work this?

– Allen L., Houston

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

I’ve been eyeing this method to meeting women for some time, and I agree completely. It IS a mega-mega opportunity to meet women…
…if it’s handled right.

First of all, let’s remember the catastrophe that is “Myspace.” (May it rest in peace.) That social network has been so polluted and abused that it’s really not useful anymore. I know I don’t take it seriously.

What happened there?

Well, first of all, everyone got slammed with spam. A few clever programmers and bulk friend programs, and suddenly you had Myspace pages that looked like web sites from the year 1998.

Cheap backgrounds, silly wallpaper, and everybody’s page looked like a 14-year-old girl’s bedroom, complete with Britney Spears posters.

Enter Facebook.

A whole lot classier than its trailer-park cousin, Facebook has maintained a better image. But with a bunch of cool toys and add-ons that made it interesting and more fun.

So how can you work this great social networking tool to help you with your dating life – while not looking like some pervert who got kicked out of the alleys of Myspace?

I’ll give you a very simple 4-step model to use. This is the one that my friends and I have used consistently to get results online.

STEP 1: Connect with the guys – and other women – who have a lot of cute girl friends.

In other words, connect with people that YOU are not interested in dating who have big networks.

You must be very indirect at first using Facebook.

Remember the lesson from Myspace – Don’t be a spammer!

This is not “match.com” or an online dating site, so don’t just start sending out invites and emails hoping to score based on numbers. We’ve come to hate the abusers, and you’ll just get your sorry ass kicked right off.

Start out with light connections. Think “friends first.”

Don’t make your Facebook profile look like you’re trying to meet women. Be subtle.

What you’re trying to do is multiply your results and increase your connection potential by meeting more people who know more people.

If you just start trying to hit on the women you’re interested in right off the bat, you’ll be limiting your results with shortsighted thinking.

Think out to the LONG term. The more cool people you connect with and forge relationships with, the more likely you are to connect with a woman naturally.

STEP 2: Connect with women you are interested in VERY indirectly.

What you have to do is send a simple friend request – and make sure you include a message with it!

You just say something like, “Hey, I saw we’re both friends with Greg… Then I noticed you’re a snowboarder, too… Ever go to Tahoe?”

You see what I did there? I left a question INSIDE my friend request. For her to answer it, she’s going to feel compelled to add me.

It’s also just something people are looking to do. Let’s face it, we all measure our social success by how many people we’ve got as friends on Facebook. We all want a HUGE network, so women will WANT to add you – if only to increase their friend count.

STEP 3: Start leveraging the tools.

Facebook has a huge amount of potential for the guy who wants to take advantage of them. You can add all kinds of cute little applications to send virtual drinks to friends, send goofy gifts, or even start your own polls and surveys.

But one of the best tools you need to be using is the GROUP function on Facebook.

In fact, in preparing for this article, I created the group “Carlos Xuma’s Alpha Lifestyle” to start connecting you guys together and enabling men to share information.

You can do this, too. Just create a group based on your passion and your local area.

I’m going to advise you to avoid starting a group based on “Warcraft” or on the latest hot actress.

Make your group something a woman can relate to and might be interested in. Maybe it’s the television show “Lost…” or maybe it’s about all things Italian.

Ba-da-bing! Now you’ve got a hook to use to invite her into your group.

STEP 4: Start escalating and creating more opportunities.

Remember, this is a VIRTUAL tool. It’s online.

In other words, your connections don’t REALLY exist anywhere except on some server in an air-conditioned room in a data center somewhere.

It’s up to YOU to bring these connections to life with events that you can invite people to.

Most people will stroll around this virtual network, but then never take it into the REAL world. That’s where YOU come in.

Maybe once a month you should organize a happy hour at your local favorite bar. Or maybe you make a Facebook group for wine tasters, and then every other

Friday you meet up and go tasting the latest Pinot Noirs.

THAT is your opportunity to start looking for romantic potential in the groups. You have to remember that you can’t be a Facebook “pickup artist” and try to attract women online.

You have to build a network, forge some connections, and meet women in person to start creating the attraction.

That being said, you can also send out some playful introductions to women you don’t know and see if they bite. (Just make sure your profile has enough interesting bait for them to nibble at…)

Write on people’s walls…
Send a few virtual drinks…
Send some good karma…
Use the “Flirtable” app…

For the man with initiative, the Facebook world is yours.

So step up and start creating the social network, then start meeting the women in it.

By the way, if you’d like to add me as a friend, go look me up. Carlos Xuma on Facebook.com… Get Social!


Carlos Xuma is a well-known expert in the dating-seduction related field and an author of bestselling titles such as “Secrets of the Alpha Male”, “Approach Women – NOW!”, “Alpha Immersion” and “Alpha Man Communication & Persuasion”.

Filed Under: Meeting Women Online Tagged With: alpha male, Carlos Xuma, Dating Advice For Guys, dating advice for men, dating tips for guys, dating tips for men, Facebook, meeting girls on facebook, Meeting Women, meeting women on facebook, Social Networking

Dating Advice for Guys – Tantalize her with scents

February 6, 2009 By GetTheGirl

One area that guys don’t take advantage of enough is the power of smell with a woman. Scents and smells are very important to them, and it’s been scientifically proven that women are much more sensitive than men to odors.

One of the most important reasons scents are good for engaging a woman’s attraction for you is that your sense of smell is connected to the most basic part of your brain, the part that was formed long before your ability to reason and think. This was because our early ancestors had to be able to react quickly to scents on the wind that could indicate a threat, such as a predator.

Smells have a way of bringing back memories. Have you ever had the experience of smelling something and having a complete flashback to something you remember from your childhood? It happens all the time, and it’s even more potent when you’ve associated a smell with something, like the smell of burning leaves in autumn, or the smell of homemade pizza. These smells evoke a state in us that pulls us back to the experiences we had with that smell.

I’ve walked into old houses before, ones that were humid and smelled of old bread and tea, and I had these flashes of walking into my grandmother’s house and the same odors there. It’s a little freaky how real it feels at times.

The way you use this with a woman is to find out what scents she indulges in when she wants to relax, or get passionate. I find that getting her into a candle store, or a bath-and-bodyworks type store is the best way. You get her to smell different things, and notice what she prefers. Vanilla is usually a good scent that you can almost bet she’ll like. Find out what she likes to take a bath with.

Scents for women can usually be broken up into two categories: musks and floral. Musky scents are like heavy perfumes, like Obsession. Floral scents are the ones that are, obviously, more like flowers. If she wears any kind of perfume, you can tell which she prefers by smelling what she’s wearing.

Take care with your choice of cologne. One tactic is to find out what cologne her dad used to wear and use that, but I find this strategy highly variable in terms of the response you’ll get. Better to choose the cologne that she remarks on and likes. Make it a point to put on too little rather than too much. You want her trying to get closer to you, not running and gagging from the smell. Have her give you a critique. “Hey, I just got this new cologne, but I’m not sure if I like it. Tell me what you think.” And she’ll have to lean in close to you to get a whiff. If she likes it, she’ll be back for more.
(And don’t go cheap on your cologne. It’s worth it.)

When you can get her sense of smell engaged, you are taking a shortcut to a part of her mind that responds in an almost primal way. She can’t reason or rationalize with it. You can get her in a state of your own choosing by choosing the right scent.

Filed Under: Dating Tips Tagged With: alpha male, Ancestors, attraction, Back Memories, Brain, Burning Leaves, Candle Store, Carlos Xuma, dating advice, Dating Advice For Guys, dating advice for men, dating tips, dating tips for guys, dating tips for men, Different Things, Flashback, Floral Scents, Freaky, Grandmother, Homemade Pizza, Leaves In Autumn, Obsession, Old Houses, Perfume, Perfumes, pheremones, Predator, Sense Of Smell, Vanilla

How to Meet Women on Facebook

September 18, 2008 By GetTheGirl

There are a lot of new venues coming out that can be used to meet women online.  Myspace was popular for a while, but then the spammers started hitting it and all the commercial crap – and pretty soon Myspace became a feeding frenzy – and meeting women online became a LOT harder.

But then Facebook came along – and did a MUCH better job of keeping out the internet mongers.   Thus it has become a reliable venue for meeting women online and can really breathe some life back into your dating life.  The thing is – you gotta know HOW to market yourself on Facebook so you don’t look like some jackass from Myspace who just got a new playground.

Here are four simple steps you can follow to begin to open the floodgates.

STEP 1: Connect with the guys – and other women – who have a lot of cute girl friends.  You have to be circumspect at the beginning, or you really could accused of spamming and kicked out.  So root out the people who have big networks – and become their friends.  Remember – in this case – friends FIRST!

Next – start trying to connect with the women you are interested in a very roundabout manner.  Send them a friend request with a message.  Now, if you send a message that says, “Hey baby you are HOT – wanna hook up?”  She is going to kick you right in your cyber-nuts and block you.  Instead – find something about her that you have in common, and find a person that you are both friends with.  Instead, say something like “Hey I saw you on Michael’s friend list and I noticed that you love to read too.  Have you ever read The Death Gate Cycle by Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman?”  Make sure it’s a question, too, so she feels compelled to answer you.

STEP 3: Start using the tools that Facebook offers.  If you are meeting women online, you have got to at least use the Group tool.  If you want to start doing that – check out the group “Carlos Xuma’s Alpha Lifestyle” – it is a totally cool way tyo get together with other MEN and discuss the latest dating tips for men on the internet.

Anyway – create a group that is something that women would like too.  Ok- so no Fantasy Baseball League Group.  Instead try something about maybe coffee or cooking, fitness, the latest reality show or local venues.  Something a woman can get into.  Then – invite her to your group!

The last step is where you really start getting into the good stuff.  Here is where you begin to take your Group offline – have a party at a local bar, or set up a group outing.  THIS is where you can start really meeting the women.  Have a wine appreciation group?  Go to wine tasting.  Have a gourmet food group?  Check out a new restaurant.  Get the drift, Kimosabe?

Ok – so this is some pretty basic stuff, but it can really liven up your dating life.  If you want to REALLY learn some tips and tricks for meeting women online, check out David Deangelo’s program called, coincidentally enough, Meeting Women Online.    Or – if you want to read some REALLY cool dating tips for men by Carlos Xuma (mentioned above – and you can actually hook up with him on Facebook.  Talk about a NETWORK!) check out his Dating Black Book of dating tips.

Filed Under: Meeting Women Online Tagged With: Carlos Xuma, Case Friends, Commercial Crap, Cute Girl Friends, dating, dating tips for guys, dating tips for men, David DeAngelo, Death Gate Cycle, Facebook, Feeding Frenzy, Hook Up, How To Meet Women, Jackass, Margaret Weiss, Meeting Women, meeting women online, Myspace, Nuts, online dating, Playground, Simple Steps, Spammers, Spamming, Step 3, Tracy Hickman

You Want to Please Her? Then Tease Her!

September 7, 2008 By GetTheGirl

If you meet more women, you get more experience, you get more confidence, you get laid more, and more options open up to you. If you date only a few women, you tend to cling on to each as if she was your saving grace.

So let’s start developing some EXERCISES that will get you on the track to understanding how to meet women at any time and any place. All you need to do is open your eyes and set aside a couple minutes to speak with her, if that. This is going to work ANYWHERE you see a woman, and it doesn’t require you to memorize a list if openers, scenarios or anything else.

Teasing a woman, (like using David Deangelo’s Cocky Comedy) works because it short-circuits her usual reserve about talking to or meeting guys she does not know.  Most women have this “wall” and don’t even know it – it seems to be pre-programmed from birth. Then, when a guy approaches her, for any reason, she assumes you’re picking up on her. It’s what she’s gotten used to.

You have 3 seconds from seeing a girl to when you meet her and say something to spike her interest. If you wait – she has time to turn away, move herself, do anything she can to escape from the uncomfortable situation of being hit on again.

In that 3 seconds, you do this:

Look her over, and spot something about her appearance that you can comment on. Start with her shoes, and work your way up. DO NOT choose a physical body trait (like big earlobes, bubble-butt, giant breasts) to comment on. Especially not her overall attractiveness.

You find ONE thing that you can key off of and say something about that will give you and inroad. This is your ANCHOR. Once you’ve found it, you comment on it to her and smile at her, making strong eye contact.

Example: She’s got bright red shoes on. “Wow, those are … interesting shoes. My sister might like a pair like that. Where’d you get them…?”

Example: She’s got a black denim dress on. “My sister likes dresses like that. Where’d you get it…?”

(If you don’t have a sister, use ‘Aunt’ or ‘Cousin.’ You shouldn’t have to lie.)

She’ll say something like, “Oh, I got it at Macy’s” or something like that. You then nod your head and look at it for a second, as if you can’t make up your mind about it. At no time do you ever throw out the usual nauseating male flattery approaches, like “Oh, that dress goes so PERFECTLY with your cheekbones.” (There is a time and a place for flattery, and it’s NOT in an improvised meeting like this.)

Flattery is the scream for approval of the desperate guy. It’s like cotton candy – sweet for a split second, but disappears almost immediately. You want to dangle the PROMISE in front of her first.

You *almost* convey a look of inconvenience, that you went out of your way to comment on her alligator-skin shoes, or her denim skirt. The less she thinks you approached her out of sexual interest, the lower her guard is.

Don’t be insulting! Just be mysterious and ambiguous.

(Her next mental question is: “Gee, I wonder if he likes my dress? He didn’t say.” )

From here, you will bridge into the Tease portion of the conversation, and we’ll cover that in the next post. All there really is left to do is to keep her engaged in the conversation for just a minute or two, show some confidence, and walk away with her phone number.

Now, the typical question I get is “What if there’s nothing out of the ordinary about her?”

Simple: You make something up. There is ALWAYS something you can find when you look, and if it’s not readily apparent, you make it up. If she’s got clothes on you can find something to pick out. I recommend looking for jewelry, because every woman takes a lot of thought in selecting her jewelry.

For especially attractive women, you need to come on a bit differently, and it pays to use a combination of the negative-hit with this. I even recommend that when you get used to this technique, you use it exclusively on the hotties. When you’re comfortable with it, it makes more impact.

You say just one thing, and it’s so easy you’ll have a tough time forgetting it:

“Your dress/shoes/blouse/jacket/purse (whatever) caught my eye. I like the style, but I think you should try it in black, instead. You’d look better with it in black instead of gray.” (Choose the color accordingly.) You nod your head, again meeting her eyes full-on.

Her head will suddenly spin … “But… but… all the other guys said I looked like a fashion model with this on… What do you mean?”

By using these approaches, you’ve just flipped her trust switch in her head. You see, she starts out needing to find a reason to be interested and trust YOU – or she quickly categorizes you as a friend (FRIEND = non-lover, a woman you won’t be able to sleep with). If you just start talking to her neutrally, she’s wondering, “Is he safe?” For all she knows, you’re a nut-case looking to pull her into a multi-level marketing scheme. NOW, all of a sudden, she is suddenly told (by your words and actions) that you might not be so interested. You’re different – i.e., INTERESTING to her.

For the first week or so, if you’re feeling a bit nervous about approaching women, work your way into this slowly. Just use the intro line I gave you, and take it wherever you need. Hell, I’d even recommend you ONLY ask her the first part (“Where’d you get xxxx, my sister might like that …”), then say “thanks” and walk away. Get used to just chatting up anyone and everyone you meet. Take the pressure off for the first week or two, until you get used to the fact that WOMEN AREN’T GOING TO REJECT YOU LIKE YOU THINK THEY WILL.

You don’t need anything fancy or clever. You don’t need anything special to comment on. You just take WHATEVER she is wearing or holding and comment on it AS IF IT WERE different or interesting. Then, by virtue of following it up with a quick tease, you get her mind off her initial defense (IS HE SAFE?) and on to validating herself a little to you. This is the primary psychological underpinning of the whole “TEASE TO PLEASE” method. And I just gave it to you in a simple, workable format.

What most guys will do is to spend all their energy trying to climb over her initial trust hurdle, when they really need to focus on getting her to flip that switch in her head by making HER the one to present herself to you. (This will be more apparent when I explain the Tease portion in our next installment.)

Most guys will take any approach and shoot it down and find everything they can about what’s WRONG with it before they will go out and use it and make it work. My advice to you is to prove it won’t before you even think about coming back to me with a rebuttal. I know that I’ll get scads of letters asking me what to do in X situation or Y situation, because they’re ‘different’ somehow, but it makes NO difference. You only have to spot one anchor on her to comment about. I use it all the time, and it is very effective.

Just remember to keep things light and humorous, and never to insult.

ANYTHING can work, if you just use it in the right way. I just gave you the first half of a technique that works ANYWHERE, ANYTIME. On ANY woman. The best part about it is that it is simple, universal, and effective. All you have to do is to find your target, find an anchor, and start your Tease … (but only to please…)

In the next post, I will cover more tips for approaching women by Carlos Xuma.  I will cover many other focused approaches that you can use as well, from meeting her online, or at a dance class, or at a bookstore, or even Wal-Mart. You’ll also get the complete breakdown of the psychology to the close for the phone number. I’ll tell you where and when to use flattery, and how to mine the rich ore of women you see every day. There’s nothing you won’t know about meeting ANY woman ANYtime, ANYwhere. (I’ll even tell you what the single underlying reason is for a woman’s defense for all men that approach her, and how to bypass it.)

Now, get out there and start getting in the game. You play it from the comfort of the stands.

Stay tuned! It’s going to get good…
I’ll have the last half of this method to you soon.

Filed Under: Dating Tips Tagged With: approach women, Approaching Women, Attractiveness, Carlos Xuma, Cocky Comedy, cocky funny, Comedy Works, confidence, Couple Minutes, dating tips for guys, dating tips for men, David DeAngelo, How To Meet Women, Meet Women, pick up lines, Woman

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