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Dating Advice For Men – The Gift Guide for the Holidays!

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The holidays are upon us and its time to address the question I get so often from guys – what to give women for gifts.  You don’t want to blow your Christmas by giving her something that says you are an ass!  So read on for some solid dating advice for men on what gifts to give a woman that Carlos Xuma talks about in his blog…

1) What kinds of gifts should be given when a relationship is just starting out if you hope it could be a REAL relationship?

Normally, I recommend that a guy not get a woman a gift for the first few dates.  It says you are needy and that you are trying to buy her affection.  What you should do instead is spend your money on showing her that you are fun and able to have a good time.  I don’t mean go to the movies.  I mean go to a skating rink and have some fun, go bowling, go to the arcade, go to a Christmas parade or something unique where you can both share the experience.  So presents in the early stage of a relationship should be geared toward enriching the experience of your time together, not to influence a girl. Don’t buy flowers and candy until you’ve gotten grounds for some genuine rapport and interest from her, then your gifts will be prized.

After a few dates or so, the man can then start with some inexpensive and NON-EXTRAVAGANT gifts like a card to flowers.  But the idea here is to keep it LOW KEY. It’s a much better practice to under-gift at this time so that you can demonstrate thoughtful caution rather than hasty indiscretion.

Remember: It’s not the money you spend, but the message you send.

2) What types of gifts you should give to demonstrate its just a short-term, hot affair or fling that will go no further?

For a sexy fling, give sexy presents! Some great ideas are coupons for sexual acts or fantasies, lingerie, tasteful, fun toys that you can both enjoy, etc.  Keep it inexpensive but nice.  No jewelry!

3) What if you thought at first she was a casual date, but now want to express that you are a lot more into her? 

This is a great chance for a guy to shine.  Christmas is a great time to show this, or even Valentine’s day, an anniversary, her birthday, whatever.  For this kind of expression when you are dating, take Carlos Xuma’s advice and give the girl something that will make her think of you.  This can be something like a special present from a place you two visited together (glasses, picture frames with a picture of the two of you in it) home décor, etc.

Another great thing that girls love is to get a CD or an MP3 player full of music (specifically, songs that express how you feel).  This makes a woman melt and really will spice up the attraction.

So when you are looking for that perfect gift, keep in mind the message you want to send.  Stay tuned tomorrow for more on gift giving and when NOT to give  a gift to a woman.

Carlos Xuma on How to Use Facebook to Meet Women in 4 Easy Steps…

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I’ve had quite a few guys ask me about using the latest in social networking to get hooked up meeting women.

Well, it’s actually not that hard, but you have to do it with some understanding of how to play the game. Because there are many ways to do it wrong, and only a few to do it right…

QUESTION ABOUT FACEBOOK:

Carlos, hey man, thanks for all your great advice…

I wanted to ask you about something – how can I use Facebook to meet women online?

I’ve heard that it can be done, but I can’t help thinking it would be weird and creepy to approach some of my friends’ friends like this and ask for a date.

But it seems like a MEGA opportunity to meet women.

How can I work this?

– Allen L., Houston

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

I’ve been eyeing this method to meeting women for some time, and I agree completely. It IS a mega-mega opportunity to meet women…
…if it’s handled right.

First of all, let’s remember the catastrophe that is “Myspace.” (May it rest in peace.) That social network has been so polluted and abused that it’s really not useful anymore. I know I don’t take it seriously.

What happened there?

Well, first of all, everyone got slammed with spam. A few clever programmers and bulk friend programs, and suddenly you had Myspace pages that looked like web sites from the year 1998.

Cheap backgrounds, silly wallpaper, and everybody’s page looked like a 14-year-old girl’s bedroom, complete with Britney Spears posters.

Enter Facebook.

A whole lot classier than its trailer-park cousin, Facebook has maintained a better image. But with a bunch of cool toys and add-ons that made it interesting and more fun.

So how can you work this great social networking tool to help you with your dating life – while not looking like some pervert who got kicked out of the alleys of Myspace?

I’ll give you a very simple 4-step model to use. This is the one that my friends and I have used consistently to get results online.

STEP 1: Connect with the guys – and other women – who have a lot of cute girl friends.

In other words, connect with people that YOU are not interested in dating who have big networks.

You must be very indirect at first using Facebook.

Remember the lesson from Myspace – Don’t be a spammer!

This is not “match.com” or an online dating site, so don’t just start sending out invites and emails hoping to score based on numbers. We’ve come to hate the abusers, and you’ll just get your sorry ass kicked right off.

Start out with light connections. Think “friends first.”

Don’t make your Facebook profile look like you’re trying to meet women. Be subtle.

What you’re trying to do is multiply your results and increase your connection potential by meeting more people who know more people.

If you just start trying to hit on the women you’re interested in right off the bat, you’ll be limiting your results with shortsighted thinking.

Think out to the LONG term. The more cool people you connect with and forge relationships with, the more likely you are to connect with a woman naturally.

STEP 2: Connect with women you are interested in VERY indirectly.

What you have to do is send a simple friend request – and make sure you include a message with it!

You just say something like, “Hey, I saw we’re both friends with Greg… Then I noticed you’re a snowboarder, too… Ever go to Tahoe?”

You see what I did there? I left a question INSIDE my friend request. For her to answer it, she’s going to feel compelled to add me.

It’s also just something people are looking to do. Let’s face it, we all measure our social success by how many people we’ve got as friends on Facebook. We all want a HUGE network, so women will WANT to add you – if only to increase their friend count.

STEP 3: Start leveraging the tools.

Facebook has a huge amount of potential for the guy who wants to take advantage of them. You can add all kinds of cute little applications to send virtual drinks to friends, send goofy gifts, or even start your own polls and surveys.

But one of the best tools you need to be using is the GROUP function on Facebook.

In fact, in preparing for this article, I created the group “Carlos Xuma’s Alpha Lifestyle” to start connecting you guys together and enabling men to share information.

You can do this, too. Just create a group based on your passion and your local area.

I’m going to advise you to avoid starting a group based on “Warcraft” or on the latest hot actress.

Make your group something a woman can relate to and might be interested in. Maybe it’s the television show “Lost…” or maybe it’s about all things Italian.

Ba-da-bing! Now you’ve got a hook to use to invite her into your group.

STEP 4: Start escalating and creating more opportunities.

Remember, this is a VIRTUAL tool. It’s online.

In other words, your connections don’t REALLY exist anywhere except on some server in an air-conditioned room in a data center somewhere.

It’s up to YOU to bring these connections to life with events that you can invite people to.

Most people will stroll around this virtual network, but then never take it into the REAL world. That’s where YOU come in.

Maybe once a month you should organize a happy hour at your local favorite bar. Or maybe you make a Facebook group for wine tasters, and then every other

Friday you meet up and go tasting the latest Pinot Noirs.

THAT is your opportunity to start looking for romantic potential in the groups. You have to remember that you can’t be a Facebook “pickup artist” and try to attract women online.

You have to build a network, forge some connections, and meet women in person to start creating the attraction.

That being said, you can also send out some playful introductions to women you don’t know and see if they bite. (Just make sure your profile has enough interesting bait for them to nibble at…)

Write on people’s walls…
Send a few virtual drinks…
Send some good karma…
Use the “Flirtable” app…

For the man with initiative, the Facebook world is yours.

So step up and start creating the social network, then start meeting the women in it.

By the way, if you’d like to add me as a friend, go look me up. Carlos Xuma on Facebook.com… Get Social!

Carlos Xuma is a well-known expert in the dating-seduction related field and an author of bestselling titles such as “Secrets of the Alpha Male”, “Approach Women – NOW!”, “Alpha Immersion” and “Alpha Man Communication & Persuasion”.

The Master Plan – You Were BORN To Attract Great Women

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Become The High Quality Man Women Crave With The Master Plan From Scot McKay

Lately there’s been lots of talk about “natural game”…as if all we need to do is emulate a guy who we see as a “natural”, and we’ll somehow become more attractive to women.

Now sure, having some guys who are great with women show you the ropes isn’t such a bad idea. But do we really need to copy someone else’s entire persona in order to successfully attract the kind of women we want?

Not according to Scot McKay. In fact, he has recently been saying something out loud that a lot of us as guys have been suspecting all along: We are all “naturals”. By being born male, we’re supposed to be attractive to women by our very nature.

 

[Read more…]

How to Get More by Asking More

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I want to introduce you to a unique concept that may finally change how you view your game with women.
I want to introduce you to a unique concept that may finally change how you view your game with women. First, let’s talk about your inner monologue, dude.

One of the most powerful personal development methods you can use to alter the course of your life (your DESTINY, really) is through the use of QUESTIONS.

Questions cut through and clarify the current state of affairs, and they help you see what may not have been visible before. However, they can only do this if you have the guts to answer them TRUTHFULLY. The man who lies to himself can never see the world clearly, and will then subject every bit of his reality to illusion – like looking at the world through distorted glass. In the short-term, he’ll make himself feel ‘better’ about things by lying to himself, but in the long-term he’ll just ensure his own failure.

Success is fleeting when it’s based on faulty understanding.

Ask yourself a few questions to clarify where YOU are right now:

  • Are you looking for just one woman to “settle down” with? If so, why?
  • Do you want to sleep with as many women as you can? And why?
  • Are you feeling that your skills in meeting and getting women interested in you are where you want them to be? If not, what are you doing to remedy this situation?
  • If you know you want something (a woman, a new job, a more comfortable social life), what is stopping you from having it?
  • Do you ever feel incapable of doing the things you know you need to do? Do you wish you had a “magic button” you could push that would get you in gear when you need to?

These questions focus on the one critical element of any drive to change your life: your MOTIVATION. Asking yourself questions allows you to find out what it is that kicks you in the ass and gets you moving toward your goals.

Without understanding what it is that drives you, you could spend your whole life saying something like this:
“I wish I knew somewhere to go to meet women.”
“I have the worst luck with women.”
“Yeah, I’ll be at work late. You know me – I’ve got no life.” (Even jokingly.)
“I’m happy being single.” (When it’s a cop-out for failures with women.)
“Yeah, I know, BUT…” (“But” what?)
“I’ll just rent a movie at home tonight…”
“I can’t find any women that are right for me…” (While only “meeting” one woman every couple of weeks or months at best.)

If there’s one person you have to tell the truth to in the end, it’s yourself, guys. The reality is that the ONLY way to improve your situation with women is to get out there and interact with MORE women. Of every kind imaginable. Friends, lovers, acquaintances, you name it. QUANTITY is the name of the game. MORE women means MORE opportunities. It’s a simple numbers game.

MORE women means more successes… and more failures. Remember that the sports superstars don’t just succeed more, they also fail more. But the failures aren’t failures to them, and they don’t mean anything to them. When you’re in a scarcity (and SCARED-ity) mindset, the failures hurt so much because they comprise a high proportion of your game.

If you meet 2 women and strike out with 1, that’s 50%. If you meet 10 women and strike out with 5, that’s still 50%, but you bet your ass you don’t care as much when you’ve got the other 5 saying “Yes, please.” Your RATIO of failures is the same, but you’ve just multiplied your successes by FIVE.

Pretty slick, huh? Let’s call this seduction math.

If the woman you’re looking for is one-in-a-thousand, guess how many women you’re likely to have to go through to find her?

“Uhhh…. heheh… Dude… I’m not good at math…”

Well, it would be nice if she showed up in the first ten or fifteen, but that’s not how Murphy’s Law works. If you have a 1 in 1000 shot, chances are your number will come up right around the end… say, Ms. 999 or Ms. 1000. So get busy.

If you find yourself saying “I’m just not lucky with women,” it’s nothing about LUCK. It’s that you aren’t exposing yourself to enough women to warrant MORE success.

EVERY question and problem works itself out if you approach enough women. EVERY bit of understanding and skill comes from the number of women you get into your life by taking action. Knowledge isn’t power – it’s only POTENTIAL. ACTION is what separates the men from the boys.

EVERY problem you’re having with your dating life right now can be traced back to some root causes, but most wind up being that guys simply don’t TRY enough. They don’t try, and they don’t succeed, and then they don’t ask themselves the all-important question:
What can *I* do to change this situation, instead of blaming something outside my control or sphere of influence?

And, that all-important follow up:
What do I need to start thinking in order to motivate myself to actually DO IT?

Ask yourself those hard questions. The difference in the quality of your life can be traced back to the decisions you make every day.

And every decision started out as a question.

Dating Advice for Guys – Tantalize her with scents

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One area that guys don’t take advantage of enough is the power of smell with a woman. Scents and smells are very important to them, and it’s been scientifically proven that women are much more sensitive than men to odors.

One of the most important reasons scents are good for engaging a woman’s attraction for you is that your sense of smell is connected to the most basic part of your brain, the part that was formed long before your ability to reason and think. This was because our early ancestors had to be able to react quickly to scents on the wind that could indicate a threat, such as a predator.

Smells have a way of bringing back memories. Have you ever had the experience of smelling something and having a complete flashback to something you remember from your childhood? It happens all the time, and it’s even more potent when you’ve associated a smell with something, like the smell of burning leaves in autumn, or the smell of homemade pizza. These smells evoke a state in us that pulls us back to the experiences we had with that smell.

I’ve walked into old houses before, ones that were humid and smelled of old bread and tea, and I had these flashes of walking into my grandmother’s house and the same odors there. It’s a little freaky how real it feels at times.

The way you use this with a woman is to find out what scents she indulges in when she wants to relax, or get passionate. I find that getting her into a candle store, or a bath-and-bodyworks type store is the best way. You get her to smell different things, and notice what she prefers. Vanilla is usually a good scent that you can almost bet she’ll like. Find out what she likes to take a bath with.

Scents for women can usually be broken up into two categories: musks and floral. Musky scents are like heavy perfumes, like Obsession. Floral scents are the ones that are, obviously, more like flowers. If she wears any kind of perfume, you can tell which she prefers by smelling what she’s wearing.

Take care with your choice of cologne. One tactic is to find out what cologne her dad used to wear and use that, but I find this strategy highly variable in terms of the response you’ll get. Better to choose the cologne that she remarks on and likes. Make it a point to put on too little rather than too much. You want her trying to get closer to you, not running and gagging from the smell. Have her give you a critique. “Hey, I just got this new cologne, but I’m not sure if I like it. Tell me what you think.” And she’ll have to lean in close to you to get a whiff. If she likes it, she’ll be back for more.
(And don’t go cheap on your cologne. It’s worth it.)

When you can get her sense of smell engaged, you are taking a shortcut to a part of her mind that responds in an almost primal way. She can’t reason or rationalize with it. You can get her in a state of your own choosing by choosing the right scent.